


Reassemble

by kzam



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Moving On, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 80,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8950033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kzam/pseuds/kzam
Summary: After a long deployment to Wutai, Zack has come undone. Tired and disillusioned, he has no interest in being anyone’s role model anymore—let alone Cloud Strife, SOLDIER’s newest golden boy. 
Unfortunately, Cloud didn’t get the memo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, just a couple quick things - first, thanks for checking this out! I hope you saw the slow burn tag, as this fic will include a very long slow burn. There will also be some ShinRa-related political/war themes, and a bit of random materia theory mixed in along the way. This fic is basically complete at this point, so I intend to post everything over the next few days here. Hope you like it!

\-----

As it turned out, making SOLDIER lost its excitement after the first month.

Sure, there was still a sense of accomplishment—a sense of pride when Cloud put his uniform on each morning. But once he left his quarters and headed out for yet _another_ day of training and drills, the only real way to describe it was monotonous. Necessary, but monotonous.

Maybe that was why it was so noticeable that something was up the minute he left his quarters. The halls were suspiciously empty, and by the time he got to the SOLDIER floor, he could see why. Everyone was _there._ All the Thirds at least, and most of the Seconds. Even several Firsts, which was incredibly rare. Didn’t these people have better things to be doing than standing around at ShinRa HQ?

“What’s going on?” Cloud asked the first Third he saw.

“Zack Fair’s back from Wutai.”

Cloud inhaled a sharp breath, knowing that name all too well. Zack Fair. The youngest SOLDIER recruit since Sephiroth. The fastest promotion to Second in the history of the program. The only SOLDIER known for his laughter as well as his swordplay.

Zack Fair, the man responsible for _him_ making SOLDIER.

His heart swelled at the memory of their first encounter—at the pep talk Zack had given his squad back when he was in the infantry. They’d never met face to face, but it was a day Cloud would never forget.

“Where is he?” he asked, looking around the room eagerly.

“Not here yet. It shouldn’t be much longer,” the other Third told him, clearly just as excited. “He’s supposed to be coming up the back elevator.”

By the Firsts, who everyone was keeping a respectable distance from.

Honestly, Cloud knew he had no chance at actually speaking with the man anyway. Not with so many other people waiting to welcome him home. But it couldn’t hurt to admire the SOLDIER from afar, surely. He remembered perfectly well the sheer impact of Zack’s presence—it was upbeat and infectious. Enough to give Cloud the motivation he needed to get his shit together and try for SOLDIER one last time.

“Strife,” a familiar sing-song voice called out to him, causing him to frown. “You’re late, dearest.”

Cloud grumbled as the SOLDIERs around him began to disperse, making room for the First who was approaching the blond. “Didn’t we agree you wouldn’t call me that in public?”

“You made the request, and I denied it. That’s how this arrangement works,” his mentor reminded him, quirking a brow like he was daring the blond to argue. He knew better at this point—Genesis was a peculiar man. “Good. Now we’re in agreement, I believe we have some training to do.”

“Is there any way we could wait a bit longer today?”

“Mm, no,” Genesis decided promptly.

“Please?”

It was a blatant attempt to stall, but thankfully it made Genesis curious enough to take the bait. “Are you even aware of what this little gathering is for?”

“Zack Fair’s back from—”

“Yes, the prodigal child has returned. Who was Zack’s mentor?”

“Angeal,” Cloud answered, a bit confused where this was going.

“And who is _my_ student?”

“…I am.”

“Correct. You’ll note that Angeal is in fact waiting by the elevator, yes?” Genesis continued, waiting for Cloud’s nod. “And where am I?”

“Here. With me.”

“Then all is as it should be. Let’s get on with this before I lose my patience.”

“But…Angeal’s your best friend,” Cloud said, glancing over at the elevator. Still closed. “Aren’t you glad Zack’s back too?”

“Glad? Yes. Do I feel the need to stand here with these fools? No,” Genesis responded shortly.

“But—”

“Angeal will be taking him for a debriefing the moment he steps off that elevator.”

“Oh,” Cloud muttered, trailing behind Genesis as they began heading toward the VR room.

“I’ll see Zack before the day is through, no doubt.” That only deflated Cloud’s mood further, which his mentor picked up on right away—as usual. “Why is this so important to you? Surely you don’t know him. He deployed well before you made the program.”

“Um. I just know _of_ him.”

Genesis scoffed. “Precisely why we can’t afford to stand around. I’ll be damned if Angeal’s pet outshines mine.”

“… _What?”_

“Did you think I volunteered to train you on some whim?”

Cloud hesitated a moment before answering honestly, “Yeah.”

“It’s like you’ve learned nothing from me,” Genesis declared, tsking as he shook his head. “I don’t do anything without a reason. You’ll do well to remember that.”

There was a loud round of applause and cheering before Cloud could get in any kind of response, drawing his attention immediately. He spun around where he stood, ignoring dramatic sigh that escaped his mentor’s lips.

Zack must’ve arrived. “Can I just—”

“You have one minute,” Genesis warned him, waving a dismissive hand.

And, yeah. That man would _definitely_ be timing him, so he took off without delay to get back to the room they’d just left. The large crowd had circled in already, and there was no way to get in the middle of _that_ if he wanted to be back to his mentor in time _._

Except he didn’t have to force his way in. Genesis had been right—all he had to do was spot Angeal’s large figure, and sure enough, there was a familiar face nearby. Familiar, but oh so different…

The black spikes he recognized were long now— _so_ long, and only a single one framed his face. He looked older somehow, maybe because his face wasn’t lit up the way it had been in Cloud’s memory. There was no smile on his face, and no humor in his eyes.

Zack Fair was exhausted after a long deployment, and all the SOLDIERs who had gathered to see him—the ones who were blocking his way as Angeal tried to get him out of there? They were being incredibly rude and inconsiderate.

Maybe they really were all fools.

**\-----**

When Angeal handed him the uniform, he thought it was a joke.

First Class. That was a big deal—the last major step on his way to fulfilling his dreams. Being a hero. He’d always imagined jumping up and hugging his mentor for recommending him for the promotion. Thanking him profusely, and promising not to let him down.

He never expected _this._

“I lost friends over there,” Zack said, staring blankly at the uniform in his hands. “SOLDIERs. Good people who deserved this more than me.”

“Zack—”

“I don’t even know what the body count was for the troopers. Do you?”

“I don’t,” Angeal responded, brows furrowed. “All I know is it was the lowest it’s been since the war started.”

“We should find out what it was. Do something for the families.”

“The infantry keeps track of that. They contact the families—there’s a protocol to follow.”

“I don’t wanna hear about protocol right now, Ang,” Zack spat out in a tone he never used. “What was it even for? This whole war’s pointless!”

“I understand what you’re going through, but you need to take a breath. You’re not thinking clearly right now.”

“Yes I am! Why’s it ShinRa’s job to police the whole damn Planet? If they don’t want us there, we should just leave instead of sending more people to die.”

“What happened over there?” Angeal wondered, a gentle hand on Zack’s shoulder. “This isn’t the first time you’ve lost SOLDIERs, and you’ve never lost sight of the bigger picture.”

“A lot of the same,” Zack shrugged.

“It does take its toll after a while.”

“It’s more than that,” he admitted after a moment, dropping his gaze.

The losses were always hard, but he’d long since learned to compartmentalize—to honor the fallen by completing the mission. By saving as many others as he could. By living his own life to his fullest.

It just so happened, his own life had been thrown out of whack while he was there.

Zack could see Angeal wasn’t going to push this time, so he just said it, “I got a Dear John letter while I was there.”

“No,” Angeal murmured, brows furrowed in disbelief. “Chris?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Angeal told him, sincere as always.

“I got it right after Darryl and Evan…” Zack shook his head, not wanting to remember what had happened to his fellow SOLDIERs. “I guess he met someone. Someone who can be there all the time, you know?”

“That doesn’t make it okay. You two talked about this long before you got serious.”

“He just got sick of it. After last time, I guess he thought it’d be at least a year before my next round,” Zack explained solemnly. “I called him the first chance I got, and he said all this stuff about how the war was pointless, and how we shouldn’t be over there in the first place…”

Angeal growled in frustration. “He shouldn’t have unloaded that on you while you were still there.”

“Is he right, Ang?” Zack asked, looking to his mentor helplessly. “I mean, so many people around here don’t think we should be there.”

“It’s not a black and white issue. Their government requested our help.”

“In exchange for authorizing us to build more reactors.”

“Yes, but this is about much more than that. The country was tearing itself apart before we arrived.”

“What if we’re on the wrong side? Just because their government asked doesn’t mean the rebels are _wrong._ Maybe it’s not our war to fight.”

“Zack…I can’t answer those questions for you. Let me ask you this,” Angeal started, thinking a moment before continuing, “When you were there, did you feel like you were helping people? Forget the government, and forget the reactors—I mean the actual people. Civilians.”

“Well, yeah. They were always getting caught in the crossfire. The rebels used them like shields half the time. We rescued groups every day.”

“And if you hadn’t been there, would some of those people have died?”

Zack frowned, remembering exactly how shorthanded the local army was. They never would’ve had the manpower to run rescue ops on top of holding their positions. “Most of them.”

“Did you or your SOLDIERs ever attack anyone who meant you no harm?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then you did everything you could. You helped people who couldn’t help themselves, and you only joined the fight when it was necessary.”

“Ang…” Zack shook his head slowly. “There’s so much more to it than that.”

“There is, but you can’t think about those things. The politics? They’re out of our control. The best we can do is control _ourselves,”_ Angeal said insistently. “I can’t tell you if the war is right or wrong, but I _can_ tell you innocent people are alive today because you were there to protect them. There’s no way to look at that negatively.”

Zack processed that slowly, eventually conceding a nod. “You’re right. I can’t regret that—saving those people. I’m glad I was there to do it.”

“Good. Your friends didn’t die for nothing, Zack. You were all doing your best to help.”

“And this?” Zack asked, lifting the folded up uniform. “Why do I get this? I didn’t do anything special this time.”

“Yes, you did. We got reports in every day. You went above and beyond,” Angeal told him, smiling fondly. “Operation White Rose? Only a First Class SOLDIER could pull that off.”

Zack snorted, remembering that particular op too well. White Rose. More like operation bratty princess. It had been another rescue mission, except for once the target didn’t _want_ to be rescued. All the more reason to question whether or not the war was the right thing—even the local princess didn’t want ShinRa there. Granted, she was just a child, so she might not have been privy to all the details of the war…

Still. It had been eye opening few days getting her back to her father. “She was an interesting kid.”

“I read your report,” his mentor responded, chuckling softly. “It doesn’t really matter if she wanted to be saved or not. The rebels used civilians as human shields—they would’ve used her as a pawn eventually.”

“Yeah, but she didn’t wanna hear that.”

“That just makes the op more impressive. You didn’t even have to put her to sleep. That would’ve been the first move most of us made.”

“She’s a kid, Ang. I wasn’t gonna cast spells on her unless I had to.”

“You earned this,” Angeal told him, gesturing toward the uniform. “You’re getting some time off, too.”

“Time off?”

“Just a week—two if you want.”

“Nah. I’d rather get right back to it. Less time to sit around and think about…you know.”

Angeal nodded in understanding. “Lazard already has your next assignment.”

“My first as a First,” he joked, shaking his head as it really began to sink in. He was a First Class SOLDIER now. “Better be something good, huh?”

“I think it is. You may not agree.”

Zack raised both brows. “What? Am I going back to Wutai or something?”

“No, definitely not. You’ll be here in Midgar for at least six months—probably longer this time.”

“What is it then?”

“A training post,” Angeal answered, his words wiping the hopeful expression from Zack’s face. “You’re the best recruit SOLDIER’s seen in years. Lazard thinks you have a lot to offer the new recruits now that you’ve hit the top.”

“Ang! That’s just as bad as a desk job!” Zack exclaimed, letting out a disgruntled sigh.

“You’re excellent with people. You’ve always been able to inspire and—”

“That’s right before missions! I don’t mind doing things like that.”

“Think of it as a temporary assignment. It won’t be forever.”

“You think I need this,” Zack realized, staring at the larger man in disbelief. “What, was the promotion just to soften the blow?”

“No, Zack. You earned that promotion,” Angeal repeated, far more insistently. “I do think you need this assignment though. You’re not yourself right now, and nearly every other SOLDIER over there mentioned that in their reports. You’ve been through a lot, and we’ve asked more of you than most. I’m sure you’ll be back in the field in no time.”

It was like a sick joke. He was finally going to be in the city for an extended stay now that it was probably too late to salvage his relationship. “Midgar is the _last_ place I wanna be right now.”

“This is where you need to be,” Angeal countered with a sense of finality.

Zack slumped where he sat, defeated. There was clearly no arguing here—no talking his way out of this. The best he could do was put on his old, happy face and hope they’d see he was fit for missions sooner rather than later.

“I think I’ll take those two weeks,” he decided slowly.

Something told him he’d need the time to clear his head if he really wanted to act like things were fine.

**\-----**

The life of a SOLDIER. Cloud was old enough to put his life on the line, but not old enough to buy himself a drink within city limits. Drinking laws varied from place to place, Midgar being one of the few with 21 as the legal drinking age instead of 18 like back in Nibelheim.

It was mildly inconvenient considering most SOLDIERs spent a good chunk of their free time frequenting bars. Why, he wasn’t quite sure—it wasn’t like it was an easy thing for a SOLDIER to get drunk. Apparently it was fun to try, though he suspected he wouldn’t really understand that for a couple more years.

Tifa smiled indulgently as he sipped his soda irritably. “Why even come along if it bothers you so much?”

“You work here,” he answered with a shrug. “I get to see you, _and_ it shuts them up.”

“About what?”

“When I turn them down, they say shit about how I think I’m too good for them,” Cloud explained dismally. “Because I train one on one with Genesis. Most recruits have to take group classes.”

“So this is all for appearances,” she concluded, shaking her head slowly. “You’re not even with them. You come here every week and you sit at the bar alone.”

“I hang out sometimes. Some of the other bars have pool tables and stuff,” he said, not mentioning he only really joined in when they needed an extra player. “I really don’t mind. They talk about a lot of shit I don’t care about anyway, so I’d rather be up here.”

“Like what?”

“Mostly about getting laid. I mean, I like sex as much as the next person, but I don’t see the point in talking about it all the time,” Cloud explained, put off by the thought. “They talk about it like it’s a contest or something. It’s stupid.”

“I don’t see why you bother with them then. There must be other SOLDIERs you’d get along with,” she rationalized, and maybe she had a point. Cloud just hadn’t really _met_ any since he spent most of his time with Genesis. “What about your old infantry buddies?”

“They don’t really want me around anymore. Ever since I made SOLDIER they treat me like some kinda superior officer.”

She quirked a brow. “Aren’t you?”

“Technically, but I’m not there on my free time to keep them in line. It’s like they can’t relax when I’m around now, so I kinda just…took a hint, I guess. They don’t exactly call and invite me out anymore.”

“Well, you’re always welcome here,” Tifa told him with a kind smile. “I just wish you had a better support system. Genesis doesn’t sound like much of a friend.”

“He’s…complicated,” Cloud replied, almost fondly. That man was so up and down, it was hard to know what to make of him sometimes. “I’m kind of a game to him, but he really does want me to succeed.”

“Because it looks good for him.”

“Because his best friend trained Zack Fair, and he decided he could do better. I swear, sometimes I think he’s a genius, but other times? He’s insane. I’ll never be better than Zack.”

“Is Zack the one—”

“Yeah,” Cloud interjected with a smile. “He just got back from Wutai a few days ago, but I haven’t had the chance to meet him. I guess he’s on leave for a couple weeks.”

“Bring him around sometime,” Tifa told him, waving a warning finger like it wasn’t a request. “I’d love to meet the man who helped you without knowing.”

“It’s not like he’s my friend. I can’t just go up and invite him to hang out.”

“Why not? You made it sound like he’s a friendly guy. Make it a group thing,” she suggested, as if it was so simple. “I’m serious. You never would’ve contacted me if you hadn’t made SOLDIER. I owe him a thank you just as much as you do.”

Cloud grimaced, remembering that all too well. He’d been ashamed of himself for so long after leaving Nibelheim and failing to make the cut for SOLDIER. It became too difficult to write his mother, and too embarrassing to reach out to Tifa. They’d been so sure of him when he left—confident he’d reach every goal he set for himself. How could he tell them he’d failed?

All that changed after Zack turned things around for him.

“It’d be so weird to just walk up and thank him,” Cloud decided, frowning a little at the thought. “He probably doesn’t even remember.”

“He might. Maybe he won’t remember you specifically, but that’s just because you were in that awful helmet. I’m sure he’d remember the mission at least.”

“I really hope I get to meet him.”

“Don’t wait around for it to happen, Cloud. You’re a SOLDIER now—take some initiative.”

Cloud rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t argue. She was right. It was definitely time for him to be a bit more assertive than he was used to being. _Zack Fair_ though? The man was practically on a pedestal in his mind. How do you just walk up to someone like that?

“I think I’m gonna head out,” Cloud decided, hearing his SOLDIER ‘friends’ from across the room.

They were talking about getting more drinks, and Cloud really didn’t want to be at the bar when they did that. It was always the same. They’d try to get him to drink, and he’d remind them he couldn’t. Then they’d tease him, try to pull him into some pointless conversation, and one of them would probably hit on him by the end of it.

“See you next week,” Tifa said, giving him a small wave as he did the same.

He made it out of the bar before anyone else noticed, much to his relief. The streets were bustling the way they always did by the bars on Friday nights, but it wasn’t like he had much to worry about as a SOLDIER. Most civilians were intimidated by him now, even if he considered himself pretty harmless looking—no one would bother approaching him once they noted the mako gleam in his eyes.

Sure enough, he completed the short walk to the train station in peace, pleased to find one boarding just as he arrived. He hurried on, taking a seat in the back corner where he was sure no one would really notice his presence. His eyes were closed for good measure, head leaning back against the compartment’s wall.

The train was on its way a minute later, the standard security checkpoint announcement blaring through the intercom. It was particularly loud now that he’d undergone his mako enhancements.

“Hey, what’re you—”

“Wait a minute!”

Another drawback to his enhancements, or maybe it was a perk in this case. He could hear everyone in the damn train compartment even as they hit the checkpoint and the alert siren came on. His eyes snapped open, surveying the area carefully. Someone on board had obviously tripped the security system, and _that_ wasn’t standard. Whether or not they were nearby _,_ he wasn’t so sure.

“There’s a bomb!”

Panic filled the cabin at the exclamation, and Cloud silently cursed the man dumb enough to shout it out. One of the train’s personnel of all people—didn’t he know better? Everyone had gone from mildly inconvenienced by the security protocol to freaking out, pushing toward the compartment’s doors which were all locked by that point.

“You! You’re a SOLDIER! Do something,” a woman demanded, eyes filled with worry.

The crowd was pushing against the locked door in a vain attempt to force it open, only a few people turning their heads to see what the woman was talking about. It was amazing how quickly people could go from intimidated to expectant when SOLDIERs were around during a crisis. They were all quick to chime in, pleading with Cloud to help.

And, fuck. He wanted to, he really did. A bomb though? What did he know about disarming a bomb?

“What’s going on?” he asked, letting himself be dragged over to the train’s personnel.

“There was a man before we hit the checkpoint. He jumped off before the doors locked, but he left this,” the man explained, gesturing toward an open bag.

Cloud could see it clearly—some type of homemade explosive, and a timer running down rapidly. Shit. Who knew how much damage it would cause? Even if he could break through one of the train doors, there was no saying whether or not the passengers would be safe. The yelling was already getting louder, and the air tenser.

His own heart rate was accelerating, but he tried his best to appear calm in the hopes the man in front of him would stay that way as well. “What’s your protocol?”

“The doors stay locked until we hit the next stop, then they do a sweep of each cabin. Even if I call ahead, it’ll go off before we get there! You have to do something now!”

“I don’t…” _know what to do._ Not that he could say that with so many people around.

He could bust a door open to evacuate the cabin, try to minimize casualties. Maybe he could jump off with the bomb himself, run it as far away as he could. Who knew what kind of infrastructure could be hit though? That could make things _worse_ if he took out the wrong support beam.

“There’s usually a safeguard—a wire to cut that’ll deactivate it,” the man said, his tone growing more and more urgent. “I don’t know which one.”

And the wrong one would be just as likely to set it off. Shit. Why the fuck hadn’t he just stayed at the bar? Dozens of people were screaming, looking to him like he was there only hope. Like because he was a SOLDIER, he was supposed to know what to do. Didn’t they get he was freaking out too?

“Okay, everyone stay calm!” Cloud shouted out, bringing a tense silence to the cabin. “We’re going to be okay, don’t panic. I’m going to deal with this, then I’ll make sure we all get out of here.”

“How?”

“What’re you going to do?”

“I need to concentrate!” he said as calmly as possible. “Please, just…be quiet for a minute.”

His false confidence seemed to be working wonders on the crowd, though it was doing very little for his own racing heart. He was sure he must be shaking. What the hell was he supposed to do? He was a _SOLDIER,_ not a one man bomb squad. He didn’t have his sword—he didn’t have anything on him other than a few gil and a tricky materia he’d been using to practice.

All the bad ideas he’d already had ran through his mind again. Take the bomb and run. Bust the door and evacuate the cabin. Cut a random wire and hope for the best. A mix of each of those ideas.

_Shit._ He was running out of time.

The panic was rising in the crowd again as the train personnel backed away from the bomb, clearly trying to create some distance from himself and the impending explosion. What would Genesis tell him to do in a situation like this?

_When all else fails, cast a spell that will buy you some time._

Maybe… Cloud shoved his hand in his pocket, fingers curling instinctively around the materia inside. There really wasn’t any time left to second guess himself. He pulled it out, feeling the familiar pull of it a deep breath later—the mako inside himself resonating with the mako-made materia in hand. Yeah, he could definitely do this. It wasn’t ideal, but it was his best bet. Probably.

A bitter cold settled over him as he called upon the connection he felt to the materia, draining his energy far more rapidly than a typical spell would. It was a cast he’d only managed a few times, and one that he found particularly exhausting.

_Shiva._

There were gasps and exclamations as the summon appeared by his side, but he didn’t have time to turn around and reassure anyone anymore. His entire focus was on the bomb in front of him, and on containing his summon’s cast strictly to the device.

“Oh my gods! He’s—”

“Is that a summon?”

“What’s it doing?”

“She’s freezing the—”

It was all background noise, his mana draining more and more by the second as Shiva’s Diamond Dust cast worked its way around the device. He could kick himself for not bringing an ether—hadn’t Genesis warned him to always keep one handy while he was still working on his stamina?

“Did it work?”

Cloud snapped out of his trance, releasing the summon from his pull after sending more than a few mental thank you’s her way—after all, if he intended to be able to summon Shiva again, it was important the summon knew he was worth her time.

“The timer stopped,” someone declared, looking at the massive ice-encased device in awe.

The cheering that erupted in the cabin had him breathing a sigh of relief, but he knew his work wasn’t quite done. He eyed the device himself, confirming his plan had worked at least temporarily. That meant it was time to get everyone out of this cabin, just in case.

**\-----**

“So, let me get this straight,” Zack began, shaking his head in confusion. “Some Third Class trainee used a summon instead of just cutting a damn wire, and he’s getting _promoted_ for it?”

“Yes,” Angeal responded shortly.

Zack barked out a laugh. “What happened to this place while I was gone? Last I checked, we’re supposed to be reprimanded when we screw up, not rewarded.”

“He saved hundreds of lives on that train. More than that if it’d gone off where it was supposed to,” the elder SOLDIER reasoned, though he was chuckling softly himself. “It sounds like Genesis just hasn’t gotten around to teaching him the basics yet.”

“Gen?” Zack repeated, arching a brow. “What’s he have to do with this kid?”

“Cloud is Genesis’ personal student.”

And now it made _a lot_ more sense. Leave it to Genesis to find a recruit with a flair for drama. Who else would make such a production over a simple task? Between being able to hear the inner workings of a bomb, and being able to feel the vibrations in the wiring, any SOLDIER would’ve been able to deactivate any bomb in less than a minute.

“Unreal,” Zack muttered, running a hand through his hair. “And why do I have to go to his promotion ceremony?”

“We all do. It’s a televised broadcast, and Lazard wants all available Firsts present.”

“Televised?” Hadn’t he just been promoted to First? All he’d gotten was a pat on the back and a shitty assignment for it. “Seriously?”

“There were dozens of witnesses. Word got around quickly,” Angeal explained with a shrug.

“So it’s a publicity thing,” he realized with distaste. “No one cares that he screwed up because it looks good on SOLDIER either way.”

“He’s a good kid, Zack. He did his best in a tough situation.”

“He’s a trainee. Has he even been on any missions yet?”

“No, and he won’t be for a few more weeks. Second Class promotion doesn’t change the fact he hasn’t met his training hours.”

Zack laughed again. Unbelievable. It wasn’t so long ago when people were saying _he_ got promoted too quickly, and that was after a dozen missions and his first short tour in Wutai. This kid hadn’t even gone out _once,_ and he was suddenly Second Class material?

“You should give him a break,” Angeal said, catching Zack’s eyes. “Everyone else is going to be on his case about this. You of all people know what that’s like.”

“Yeah, except I could justify my promotion. He just put on a show and got lucky it caught some attention.”

“He’s a trainee who managed to call a summon without any assistance or potions. Could you do that back then?”

Zack frowned. Actually, he couldn’t call any summons until he’d been a Second Class for a while, and even then it took quite a bit of practice. “Materia was never my thing. I’m more of a sword guy.”

“That doesn’t make what he did any less impressive if you really think about it. Cloud has a lot of potential.”

“Guess it’s not his fault he’s stuck with Gen,” Zack relented. “Makes sense he’d skip the basics and go right to summons.”

“I already spoke with Genesis about it. They’ll be spending the next week covering all the essentials.”

“What’s his specialty?”

“Genesis has him dual wielding.”

Good. The last thing he needed was a mini-Genesis running around _his_ training course—a dual wielder would have no need to take it. “Dual swords is kinda rare in SOLDIER.”

“You’ll understand why when you see him. He’s one of our smallest recruits. He has a knack for materia as well.”

Of course he would. Genesis wouldn’t bother with someone who didn’t. A part of him was curious what was so special about this kid to begin with. It wasn’t like Genesis had ever expressed any interest in training anyone before—it was the opposite of that, if anything.

A much bigger part of him just didn’t care. He had enough on his mind lately without wondering about some recruit the way he might’ve a few months ago.

“I’m on leave still,” he realized, arms folded across his chest. “Doesn’t that mean I’m technically _not_ available to go to this thing?”

“Technically,” Angeal admitted, brows furrowed. “I thought you’d want to come since it’s Genesis’ student.”

Oh. Zack let out a short sigh as he considered it. There was a time when he and Genesis didn’t get along particularly well—back when the redhead thought he was monopolizing Angeal’s time. Now though, they were pretty good friends. They bickered still, but it was fun rather than nasty. Normally he would’ve been happy to go show some support even if he thought the whole televised promotion thing was a bit much.

The thing was, he was feeling anything but _normal._

“I kinda have plans to go see Chris this afternoon,” Zack revealed, glancing down at the floor.

Angeal looked at him knowingly. “Does Chris know about these plans?”

“Um. No, he hasn’t been taking my calls. I thought I’d swing by his place, see if he was home to talk.”

“Zack—”

“Don’t. I already know what you wanna say, and I get it, but this is something I’ve gotta do.”

“Even if he sees you and changes his mind, is that really something you want?”

“I’m here now, Ang. I’m gonna be here a while thanks to you. If I can just remind him how good we are together, I know we can do this.”

“What about when you leave again?”

“We’ll make it work,” Zack insisted.

“And then when you leave _again?_ ”

“Ang, please. Just drop it, okay? It’s not like he ended things ‘cause he stopped loving me, it was just a lot for him and I get that. I can fix this if I can just show him I’m willing to put in the effort.”

“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Angeal told him, two firm hands on his shoulders. “You deserve so much more than this.”

“I love him.”

“You know I’ve always liked Chris. He’s a good person,” his mentor said slowly. “This is a hard life, for you and whoever you get involved with. If he can’t handle it, it’ll never work in the long run—even if he’s a good person, and even if you love each other.”

“He can handle it! He _did_ handle it last time,” Zack reminded Angeal, growing annoyed when his former mentor’s stern stare didn’t relent. “I don’t need to defend myself about this. It’s my decision.”

“It is. I just hope you understand what you’re doing. You’ll never get back the trust and security you had. Every time you leave even on a short mission, you’ll be wondering. We can’t afford to have those kinds of distractions in our line of work.”

Zack inhaled a long breath, trying to stay level headed about this. Ever since he’d gotten home, his moods were so up and down—he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore other than to go and seek out the source of his inner turmoil. That was how he’d get back to normal. Angeal just didn’t understand.

He needed to forgive Chris for everything so they could start over.

“I appreciate you trying to help me,” Zack ground out, respecting this man far too much to snap the way he thought he might a moment ago, “but I’ve got this under control. I’m gonna be okay, Ang.”

“I’ll be here for you regardless,” Angeal promised, a kind smile on his face. “Are you sure you don’t want to attend the ceremony? It’s not like Chris is going anywhere. You can go see him tonight, or tomorrow.”

“Nah, I’m not going,” he said decisively. “I wouldn’t be good company right now anyway—everyone was expecting happy Zack when they heard I was coming home.”

It had been awkward, stepping off that elevator and being swarmed by eager Seconds and Thirds. He’d worked with most of the Seconds at some point, and he knew the Thirds had probably heard about the antics he got up to. They were probably expecting him to be a breath of fresh air around an otherwise mundane tower.

Instead they got the shell of that person, too worn down to even force a smile.

“I don’t wanna be around everyone till I get my shit straight,” Zack concluded, hopping to his feet. That meant the sooner he went to go see Chris, the better. “I’ll walk you out.”

They headed out of Zack’s apartment, Angeal in his uniform while Zack donned his civilian clothes. Chris always did like him better in jeans, and he could use all the advantages he could get at this point. He said his farewells to Angeal as the elder SOLDIER got off the elevator a few floors down, his own stop the first floor.

It was Friday, which meant Chris would be off from work already. Unless his schedule had changed…Zack’s heart sank at the thought. Eight months away was a long time. The breakup letter had come four months into his tour, and they hadn’t spoken since month five. Not due to lack of effort either. Zack kept writing letters well after he stopped receiving them, and he used his allotted weekly call on Chris even when the man stopped answering.

Did Chris read those letters? Did he know Zack was finally home? It had all been in the last letter he’d sent, but only SOLDIERs had been there to greet him upon his arrival. Had Chris really moved on, or was he just trying?

It wasn’t possible. The connection they had…it wasn’t so easily replaced.

Zack did his best to smile at the few ShinRa personnel he passed on his way out, glad he didn’t run into any SOLDIERs or staff who were expecting him to act a certain way. He was stressed enough already without the added pressure of being the Zack Fair everyone else remembered.

Other than Angeal and a handful of close friends, Chris was the only one who really got to see the other side of him—the human side. The part of him that got nervous and scared like everyone else. The side of him that wasn’t always upbeat and positive. Not to say that part of him wasn’t real or predominant, it just wasn’t the constant thing so many people had come to believe. Even less so now that he had less to be upbeat about.

_You can do this,_ he told himself, determined to believe it.

He’d given one or two pep talks in his day, and he’d be damned if he couldn’t give himself one as he approached his ex-boyfriend’s apartment building. The nerves were coursing through him already, but it would all be worth it once they talked it out—once they apologized to each other, and got back on the same page.

What he hadn’t counted on was someone else answering the door when he knocked. A man—a handsome man who was his height, but with paler skin and tamer hair. Zack’s stomach twisted with realization…

This was him. The man Chris said he’d met while Zack was gone.

“Can I help you?” he asked, and not unkindly.

“Um, yeah. Is Chris here?” Zack responded, hand on the back of his neck.

“He’s won’t be home for a couple hours. Was he expecting you?”

“Not exactly.”

The man stared at him for a long minute, eyes raking him up and down. “You’re Zack,” he concluded, his voice losing most of its friendliness. All Zack could do was nod. “How many times does he have to tell you he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore before you get it?”

Zack narrowed his eyes. “He hasn’t said that once.”

“No, but he stopped taking your calls. He stopped writing you letters. You and him are over, and you have been for a long time now.” The words hit him harder than any monster ever had, and he found himself torn between lashing out and breaking down. Mystery man seemed to sense the dilemma, raising both hands defensively. “Look, I’m sure you’re a nice guy or he wouldn’t have been with you in the first place. You need to respect his decision.”

Zack just stared at him for a long minute, trying unsuccessfully to accept those words. “I just need to talk to him at least one last time. He owes me that much.”

“He doesn’t owe you anything.”

“You don’t know me. You don’t know about _us,_ or our relationship. You don’t know a damn thing,” Zack said fiercely, balling his fists to keep from doing anything stupid. It wasn’t _actually_ this guy’s fault, even if his instincts were telling him this was where to place blame. “You can either tell him I swung by, or I’ll be back again soon.”

The man shook his head in disbelief. “You really need to back off.”

“If he wants me to back off, all he has to do is tell me that and I will,” Zack said, and it really was that simple. As much as it hurt to think about, he’d do it if that was what Chris really wanted. He just wouldn’t believe it until the words came straight from Chris himself. “He knows how to get ahold of me now that I’m in town.”

“You’re not leaving again anytime soon?”

“My next assignment’s here in Midgar. You’re stuck with me for a while.”

Mystery man let out a quiet sigh before nodding. “I’ll let him know you stopped by, but don’t get your hopes up. He’s done with you.”

**\-----**

Seventeen disarmed test bombs later, Cloud was fed up. Seriously, how was he supposed to know this was actually a part of a SOLDIER’s training? It only took him one or two to get the hang of it, the concept easy to grasp even on the more intricate practice designs.

“How many more?” he asked, looking up at a very bored Genesis.

“Three.”

He let out a quiet sigh before moving onto the next, and then the next.

“I want a demonstration,” Genesis said, stopping him before he could touch the final one.

“I just demonstrated it nineteen times,” Cloud grumbled.

“I’d much rather see you call Shiva in here for this one.”

“Right, so you can sentence me to twenty more of these?”

“As if I’d willingly sit here for a single minute longer than necessary,” Genesis said, rolling his eyes. “This isn’t punishment, by the way. It’s standard training that I chose to postpone in favor of focusing on more interesting areas.”

Cloud leveled his mentor with a look. “You’re telling me I should’ve learned this weeks ago?”

“It wouldn’t have hurt.”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it might’ve _helped,”_ he ventured, more than a little perturbed. “I wouldn’t be the laughing stock of the program.”

“You’re hardly a laughing stock.”

“They’re calling me _the golden boy._ I’m a joke to them!”

“They’re jealous. You’re the first recruit to ever be promoted so quickly—you even beat Zack’s old record.”

“I didn’t deserve a promotion. I deserved to have time added to my training requirements as punishment,” Cloud said, shaking his head firmly.

That was what they all told him—what would’ve happened to anyone else who was found to be lacking basic skills. He’d just gotten lucky his screw up had _impressed_ so many civilians. ShinRa had to give him a public pat on the back just to appease them after the story hit the papers.

“The only mistake you truly made was leaving the tower with that materia,” Genesis told him, raising a challenging brow. “Trainees aren’t authorized to utilize SOLDIER resources without supervision.”

Cloud frowned apologetically. “I just wanted to practice more.”

“And if you’d frozen your entire residency floor?”

“I would’ve dusted off my ice skates,” Cloud deadpanned, inwardly pleased when his mentor actually laughed. “I can barely get the cast off most days. I don’t think that would’ve happened.”

Genesis held up a familiar materia between two fingers before tossing it to Cloud, giving him a pointed look.

“You’re serious about this?” he asked skeptically.

“Of course. I’ve yet to see you successfully call a summon,” Genesis reminded him, and not due to lack of effort.

They’d practiced on numerous occasions, always with a different materia. Shiva was just the one Cloud had been drawn to, smuggling the materia back to his quarters to practice since she wasn’t Genesis’ preferred summon. He’d only managed a couple times, and had yet to be able to apply the same principle to Ramuh or any of the others.

Genesis continued, “What you did was actually quite impressive. I can’t imagine any other SOLDIER coming up with such an unorthodox solution under the same amount of pressure.”

Cloud shook his head, not so sure of that. “That’s because they would’ve been able to disarm it manually.”

“There’s no rule that states I’m required to run you through bomb training first. I could’ve had you do this the day before your first mission and it would’ve been perfectly acceptable. Forget what everyone else is saying.”

Easier said than done. All the other trainees on his floor were relentless, and the more seasoned SOLDIERs were no better. He couldn’t even blame them—he’d probably be just as disgruntled if the situation were reversed. SOLDIER promotions were serious. Something they all aspired to.

His had been handed to him before he really started the job.

“Focus,” Genesis told him.

So he did. The chill ran through him as he called to Shiva, smiling to himself when he realized she was coming much quicker than before—there was virtually no resistance this time.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?” the redhead mused, eyeing the summon carefully after she’d appeared. “I’ve never been particularly attuned with Shiva.”

“You’re more of an Ifrit kind of man?”

“Occasionally. Bahamut is more my style.”

Cloud looked over at him, not sure why he was even surprised. Rumor had it, only two SOLDIERs could call Bahamut—of course Genesis happened to be one of them.

“I don’t know why she’s the only one I can manage,” Cloud admitted, blinking as a wave of wariness hit him.

“We’ll discuss that after,” his mentor responded, tossing him an ether which he downed without question.

He could take a hint. Talking was wasting time, and his mana was only going to keep depleting the longer he kept her out. He guided the cast toward the fake bomb much the way he had that first night, perhaps a bit more efficiently now that he kind of had the hang of it.

Then he released her with as much gratitude as before, relieved he’d managed to succeed once more.

“Brilliant,” Genesis said, sounding more genuine than usual as he looked over the device. “I knew Diamond Dust reached lower temperatures than a Blizzard spell, but this? Even I wouldn’t have expected this.”

“So you’re saying I really did just get lucky.”

“I already told you it was an impressive idea, and I won’t be saying it again,” he chastised, shaking his head as he began casting a low tier fire spell to melt the ice. It wasn’t successful. “Well, isn’t that something…”

“Now I’m gonna be in trouble for breaking the equipment, aren’t I?”

Genesis snorted, upping his spell tier. By the time it looked like a Firaga, it started to do the trick slowly but surely. “You’re my student. They expect the occasional piece of broken equipment from us.”

“Why _did_ you pick me?” Cloud asked curiously. It’d been bugging him since Genesis first brought it up, telling him it wasn’t just some whim. “Everyone says you’ve never had a student before.”

“That’s true. No one ever caught my eye until you.”

“I barely made the program.”

“Yes, and you failed to make it at all twice before that.”

Cloud blinked. “Is that in my file or something?”

“No. I was there,” Genesis admitted, finishing his Firaga cast and leaving a soaking wet device on the practice table. He met Cloud’s curious gaze after that, the hint of a smirk pulling on the edge of his mouth. “I don’t remember everyone who fails to make the cut, but you were impossible to forget. So determined, yet so _terrible.”_

“Hey!”

“Are you attempting to deny it?”

He opened his mouth to protest, but quickly realized there was no point. “I guess not.”

“Yet you came back, better than before. Still not particularly special, but the change was obvious. I assumed you’d quit after that second fail,” Genesis told him, fixing him with an appraising look. “Imagine my surprise when you popped back up that third time.”

“I didn’t see you there. There’s no way. You’re… _you._ You’re kinda noticeable.”

“A handful of Firsts are required to oversee the entry exams, but we’re not required to be _seen_ doing so _._ Angeal was there as well that third time—that was the day I told him you were the one. He had the nerve to laugh at me.”

“I don’t blame him. I still wasn’t very good.”

“No, you weren’t. Angeal hadn’t seen your first two attempts though. He had no idea the vast improvements you’d made, and all without any formal training. Clearly you were a driven young man—all you really needed was someone to take you under their wing to sharpen your skills. Why not me?”

“Because you don’t teach anyone.”

“Yes, well, that was before Angeal started bragging about how Zack would likely return from Wutai as a First. He was quite proud—rightfully so, I’m sure. It was obnoxious.”

Cloud laughed. “So you decided to pick the kid who _barely_ made the program to show him you could do it too?”

“If I’d chosen the best of the best, he would’ve told me I had nothing to do with my student’s success,” he explained, shrugging unapologetically when Cloud frowned. “You, my dear, are something of an underdog. Between your work ethic and my skill set, we’ll surprise them all.”

“Would this be a bad time to mention I signed up for an extra training class?”

Genesis’ stare sharpened. “You _what?”_

“There’s this class—”

“I’ve provided you with personalized training, and you signed up to work with someone else?” the redhead huffed, arms folded across his chest. “Is my training regime lacking in some way?”

“No, of course not!”

“Is this about the bomb? Because you’re being quite foolish if that’s the case. It’s not as if I should’ve been expecting you to encounter a bomb on a train.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it you need to learn so desperately that you’re seeking outside help?”

“Um. It’s a two handed sword training course.”

Genesis scoffed. “We already agreed you’re better suited with smaller blades. Any other combat training is a waste of time.”

“I know.”

“You know?” he repeated, quirking an interested brow. “This is about your obsession with Zack Fair, isn’t it? You signed up for _his_ course.”

“I’m not obsessed with him, I just—”

“He is the enemy, dearest. Your goal in life is to achieve all the things he has in a much shorter time frame.”

“He’s not the enemy, and that’s not my life goal,” Cloud insisted, rolling his eyes. “And so what if I want to take his course? I already checked, and one of them is evening’s only. It won’t interfere with our training schedule.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” the redhead offered, holding his gaze evenly. “If you tell me where this infatuation stems from, I’ll allow you to take his course without penalty.”

“Penalty?”

“Under normal circumstances, I’d be so offended that I’d stop our training entirely. As it so happens, I have a lot riding on your success, so I won’t be doing that. I _will,_ however, work you harder and longer than necessary if you choose to keep secrets from me.”

“I’m not infatuated with him.”

“Do I need to schedule our run two hours earlier tomorrow?”

“What? No!” Cloud exclaimed, eyes wide. Gaia, he had a hard enough time getting a good night’s sleep already. Waking up earlier would make it impossible. “We start early enough!”

“Then you’d best start explaining yourself.”

He let out a disgruntled sigh. “I went on a mission with him once, back when I was in the infantry. We didn’t meet officially, but—”

“You were touched by a classic Zack Fair motivational speech,” Genesis concluded, quite accurately. All Cloud could do was nod. “I suppose you’re not the first. He does have more than a little charisma, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” he agreed easily. “I’d already given up on SOLDIER by then, but what he said…”

“The classics, yes? Dreams and honor.”

“Yeah. How’d you—”

“He gets that nonsense from Angeal,” Genesis responded, sounding much less interested now. “And here I thought you had a crush on him or something. How disappointing.”

“I don’t even know him.”

“Yes, but he _is_ quite handsome, isn’t he?”

“I guess. I don’t really—”

“And there it is!” Genesis interjected _far_ too gleefully. “You’re blushing. A handsome SOLDIER turns your life around—you meet him some time later, eternally grateful. Perhaps the two of you become good friends after that, then inevitably you fall in love, yes?”

“Um—”

“It’s quite whimsical, so I can see the appeal. There’s only one problem with that little fantasy, dearest,” Genesis said, a serious expression settling onto his face. “Zack Fair isn’t the same man he was when he gave you that little speech.”

Cloud eyed his mentor curiously. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, perhaps you _should_ take his training course. I like a good love story as much as the next person, but it’s important to understand reality as well. It’s easy to romanticize our lives as SOLDIERs, but the fact is, this is still the military. What we do is actually quite serious, and it tends to complicate our personal lives.”

“I know that.”

“I hope so. I’ve no doubt the depth of your understanding will improve in time.”

“So…you’re okay with me taking his class?”

“I insist you take it. We’ll adjust our schedule as needed,” Genesis told him simply.

“It starts in a few days.”

“Have you even held a broadsword since our first week?”

Cloud shifted where he sat. “Um. No.”

“You’d best spend all of your free time practicing then. You’re my student, so the expectations will be higher.”

“Plus this stupid promotion,” he muttered, gesturing down at his blue uniform.

“Yes. You’ll have a lot to prove in the eyes of many. Don’t expect Zack to cut you any slack just because he’s a friend of mine. He doesn’t like me _that_ much.”

“Is he in on all this?” Cloud wondered.

“In on what?”

“Does he know you’re calling him the enemy, and that you’re out to break all his records?”

“I’m not sure if Angeal’s mentioned it to him. Zack’s had more pressing matters on his mind since his return.”

“Oh.” Of course he did. He probably didn’t even know Cloud existed. “That makes sense.”

“He’ll find out eventually, and I’m sure he won’t be surprised. I doubt he’ll care either. Anything he’s accomplished was never with the intent of being the best. His goals were always far loftier.”

“What were they?”

Genesis’ smile was uncharacteristically fond. “To be a hero.”

A hero. There were a lot of definitions for that word. What kind of hero did Zack want to be? He already was one as far as Cloud was concerned.

**\-----**

_“We broke up, Zack. Why can’t you just accept that?”_

The words replayed through his head no matter how many times he tried to stop thinking about it, haunting his every step. At first it hurt, but after a few days there wasn’t anything left to feel. Just numbness.

_“I’m glad you’re okay, but I can’t do this. I don’t want to see you anymore.”_

Two years together, and that was what it boiled down to. A handful of regrets and hard feelings—wounds that ran too deep for them to salvage any kind of friendship. Apparently just the sight of him was too much for Chris. The feelings between them…they hadn’t gone away. It was just that Chris had already made up his mind, and refused to budge.

_“I love you, but you’re not good for me.”_

But the mystery man—Derrick? He was.

_“He doesn’t leave for weeks on end. He doesn’t get sent across the Planet for months at a time. He’s here when I need someone—when you’re not around.”_

Apparently they’d been friends for quite some time. Derrick had become the shoulder Chris leaned on while Zack was gone, whether it was a short mission, an extended one, or an actual deployment. What happened between them during Zack’s last trip to Wutai was ‘inevitable’, or so Chris told him.

_“It hurt so much every time you left…Derrick made me realize it doesn’t need to be that way.”_

Whispering words in his ears about how he deserved more than Zack could give. About how the war wasn’t what ShinRa made it out to be. How what Zack was fighting for wasn’t quite so noble. How even the standard monster cleanup missions outside the city weren’t as necessary as ShinRa made them appear in the media.

By the time Derrick made his move, Chris had already decided he was done waiting around.

“The big wigs are keepin’ quiet about it, but I hear it’s some kinda punishment.”

Trainees. They were so new to their enhancements that they tended to forget other SOLDIERs could hear them even when they were trying to be quiet. Zack didn’t let it bother him though—what did they know? The Seconds they were gossiping with were no better, but at least it provided a temporary distraction from his current thoughts.

Word about his course had spread quickly once it had been posted for sign ups, and in true SOLDIER fashion, rumors had spread just as fast. Training posts weren’t technically punishment duty, but it was pretty common for ShinRa to only assign them to SOLDIERs who they didn’t want out in the field. Whether it was because they’d screwed up, or whether it was because they needed a break—the end result was the same.

It seemed like most people assumed he’d finally overreached. On more than one occasion he’d been known to act without orders, making judgment calls rather than waiting for instructions. Technically only Firsts were allowed to do that, but he’d always gotten away with it because it always worked out for the best.

Naturally everyone thought it’d finally bitten him in the ass, and he hadn’t exactly been out and about to tell anyone otherwise. His glum attitude the few times he _was_ seen probably didn’t help his case, but frankly, he just didn’t care. The people who mattered knew the truth, and word of his promotion would be spreading soon enough—when he started stepping out in his new uniform. That’d shut everyone up pretty quickly.

“Seems to’ve taken him down a peg.”

“Good thing we have a new golden boy around here.”

He snorted quietly, unaffected by the small group’s laughter as he walked out of the chow hall. New golden boy. That was a nickname he wouldn’t miss. There were definite draw backs to being a quick learner around SOLDIER, where a good chunk of the people were way too competitive. Everyone wanted to be ‘the best’, so it was easy for people to get disgruntled when someone else got ahead. Disgruntled SOLDIERs tended to be pretty petty, which lead to the kind of rumors and nicknames that didn’t go away until the target was a First—when no one could debate their skill or reputation anymore.

Gaia, he was glad he wouldn’t be dealing with that nonsense much longer. Generally speaking, he tried to be as friendly and chatty as possible, making it a lot harder for people to talk shit about him. But it still happened.

Genesis’ student probably _loved_ it. The nicknames and the attention. It was a good thing too, since he’d be getting plenty of it after such a questionable promotion.

“Hey, Zack.”

Zack wasn’t shocked to find Kunsel approaching, a smile on his friend’s face. “Hey, man.”

“How’s it going?”

“Eh,” he shrugged, not needing to say more. Kunsel already knew. “Ang’s refusing to bring me food, and I’m sick of take out.”

Hence utilizing the SOLDIER cafeteria in the tower. It wasn’t ideal, but he wasn’t in the mood to go buy his own groceries and he had to eat once in a while despite his appetite being at an all-time low. If nothing else, he’d need the energy for his training course.

“He’s just trying to get you out of your apartment. You’ve been holed up since you got back.”

“Yeah, well, he coulda waited to cut me off after my leave ended.”

“Class starts tonight?” Kunsel asked, patting him on the back when he confirmed with a nod. “You’re gonna be great.”

“Any idea what kinda SOLDIERs I got stuck with?”

“It’s a good group,” his friend responded—because of course he’d seen the class list already. “Only a few trainees, the rest are already field tested Thirds looking to sharpen up their skills. You even got a Second.”

“A Second?” Zack’s brows shot up. Thirds sharpening up made sense, but a Second was unexpected. “It’s a beginner’s course.”

“I’m not sure why he signed up,” Kunsel admitted slowly. “I was hoping you could tell me after you meet him tonight.”

“Always gotta know everything, huh?”

“People keep asking me about him, but I don’t know what to say.”

Zack frowned. It wasn’t often Kunsel came to _him_ for information. “Do I know him?”

“I doubt it. He may just want to work with you,” Kunsel reasoned, like it was his best guess. “I think everyone who signed up’s pretty excited it’s you, actually.”

“Hope they’re not disappointed,” he muttered, exhaling a long sigh.

They got onto the elevator in silence, Kunsel waiting for the doors to close before asking, “How are you really?”

“I feel like shit,” he admitted, staring at his boots. “Like everything I’ve been working for was a lie.”

“It’s not a lie. I know everything, remember? And I know you’ve helped a lot of people. You do good work around here.”

“You know how many nights I spent thinking about him? How many hard times I got through by telling myself I had to get home for him?”

“Zack—”

“And he was just off with someone else,” Zack continued, pushing through the hurt even as he felt a lump forming in his throat. “I put everything I had into that relationship, and he just…”

“He’s not cut out for this life. You’ll find someone who is.”

“I don’t _want_ to find anyone else.”

“You just need some time, that’s all. It’ll get easier.”

Zack scoffed, not bothering to respond to that. Logically he was sure Kunsel was right—it wasn’t like he was the first person this had ever happened to. The pain would start to fade in time, and he’d start to feel more like himself again. That didn’t mean he had to move on though. He never wanted to feel this way ever again.

Chris was the one. Their relationship had been so perfect—aside from the time apart, there wasn’t a single issue between them. No fighting, no dull moments. Things were good between them _,_ always.

If it didn’t work with him, it would never work with anyone else.

“You can swing by my place later, if you want,” Zack offered, stepping off the elevator once it opened. “I’ll let you know about that Second.”

“I’ll be there,” Kunsel promised, waving before the doors separated them again.

He headed back to his place slowly, a halfhearted smile on his face as a few SOLDIER acquaintances passed him in the hallway. By the time he got back to his place, he hurried to change into his uniform, needing to leave for his course immediately.

It was the first time he’d worn the black First Class uniform, and he didn’t even have time to get a good look in the mirror. Not that he liked what he saw lately anyway. He’d always considered himself a pretty good looking guy, but now? He was tired, run down, and uninterested in seeing the mako gleam in his eyes.

There was a time when he was proud of his mako eyes—a SOLDIER’s trademark. Now they just served as a constant reminder of what he’d lost.


	2. Chapter 2

**\-----**

Of all the ways his first course with Zack could’ve gone, _horribly_ wasn’t an option Cloud had really considered.

Sure, he hadn’t had much time to prepare beforehand, but it was day one of a beginner’s course. Genesis had implied that the basic premise of the stances would be similar, even if the swing and follow through varied from what he was used to. The rest he’d learn in class, and hopefully pick up on somewhat quickly. Even if he wasn’t great, it’d be fine because it was just the first day.

To say he was wrong would be an understatement.

Everyone else specialized in two handed combat, which meant they all _knew_ the basic stances already. Their footwork was solid, and they breezed through the preliminary stances Zack started with. He was the _only_ one who had no idea where to begin, falling back on what he was used to with Genesis—what he usually did with two separate, smaller blades.

Yeah. It didn’t really work out for him.

“Why’re you here, Strife?” Zack asked him at one point, and he could just _feel_ the burn of everyone else’s gazes on him.

They were all wondering the same thing. He’d held up the class more than half a dozen times already, and all over the most basic things.

“To learn,” Cloud answered, face red from all the unwanted attention.

Gaia, this was _not_ the impression he wanted to make on Zack Fair. Things had been going so well with his training with Genesis. Sure, that didn’t mean he’d excel with a broadsword, but he definitely hadn’t been prepared to completely humiliate himself.

“Did Gen put you up to this?”

“No, he—”

“I don’t really have time for any of his jokes, so you can just leave if that’s the case.”

He stared at his idol, open mouthed and at a loss. “It’s not…I _want_ to be here.”

“Then act like it,” Zack told him, shaking his head before turning his attention back to one of the Thirds.

His heart plummeted at the blunt words, not sure what to make of them. The thing was, Genesis had told him that maybe Zack wasn’t the same person he was in Cloud’s memory, but…

He was amazing. So amazing.

From the moment Zack walked into the classroom, there was this _aura_ about him. He didn’t even need to tell the class that they were all in good hands because it was obvious. There was this thing about the way he spoke, too…it had the entire class hanging on his every word.

By the time they all had their swords in hand, everyone was _so ready_ to get started and soak up anything Zack had to offer them and that was exactly how the Zack in his memories had been. All that was missing was the bright smile—it seemed to come and go as the class went on.

“You ready, golden boy?” his sparring opponent asked, sounding bored.

Cloud couldn’t even roll his eyes at the stupid nickname. How could he blame this Third for being annoyed with him? Between all the stops and corrections, they’d hardly done any actual sparring between their stances changes.

By the time the course was winding down for the night, they _still_ hadn’t gotten any real practice in while the rest of the class was getting praised by their instructor for a good first day’s work. Yeah, Cloud was basically ready to go hide in a hole by that point. He hadn’t felt like such a big failure since the last time he’d failed to make SOLDIER.

“Strife,” Zack waved him down before he could run off, waiting for the rest of the students to clear the room. The smile he’d managed for everyone else was nowhere to be seen, and his intense stare had Cloud tensing where he stood. “This isn’t your specialty. If Gen didn’t send you, what’re you doing here?”

“I want to learn this,” Cloud told him, doing his best to pretend he wasn’t thoroughly deflated.

“You’re small—fast. Apparently you like to do flashy things like summon Shiva in the middle of a crowded train. Why would you wanna learn _this?_ Two handed combat is big and clunky.”

“I’m not…I don’t like flashy things.”

Zack raised both brows, obviously not convinced. “You get one on one training with Genesis _._ He’s the flashiest SOLDIER we’ve got.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m like him.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Zack muttered, rubbing a hand over his face before sighing. “Look, this is an open class—I can’t kick you out, but I think we both know there’s no point in you being here. You get one on one training with a First Class SOLDIER every day. These other guys? They’re fighting for scraps.”

“I’m not trying to—”

Zack waved a hand to silence him. “I dunno what you’re trying to do, but whatever it is, it’s not fair to everyone else. I’m not gonna let you slow the entire class down when these others guys actually need to be here.”

“I understand,” Cloud said, eyes falling to the floor.

“You can keep coming,” the First told him slowly, getting him to look back up. And, yeah. If he’d thought Zack was throwing him a bone by saying that, he was wrong. “Just don’t expect any extra attention from me. You get enough of that around here.”

Zack gave him a quick pat on the shoulder before walking off, and he was pretty sure he was about to crumble.

How long had he been waiting to really meet that man? And he’d blown it, making a complete fool out of himself. All he wanted to do was thank him. Maybe soak in some of that energy he’d felt the first time they’d worked together. Now that would never happen—he would always be the kid who wasted everyone’s time as far as Zack was concerned. Genesis’ flashy student. The _golden boy_ with no real talent, just like everyone else was saying.

Gaia, he was an idiot.

“I told you he wouldn’t cut you any slack.”

Cloud looked to the doorway, frowning at the sight of his mentor leaning against the doorframe. “What’re you doing here?”

“What do you think?”

“You knew this was going to happen,” he concluded, letting out a long breath as Genesis offered a solemn nod. “Why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

“I did.”

“No you didn’t. This is a beginner’s course! You didn’t tell me he’d be expecting me to—”

“Have a basic understanding of the combat style you’re here to learn?”

“I _do_ have a basic understanding.”

“No, dearest. You don’t. There’s a reason we settled on dual wielding. You picked up a broadsword our first day, and it was clearly not your forte.” Genesis paused there, fixing him with a pointed look. “What were you hoping to achieve by coming here?”

“I just wanted…”

“To live out some fantasy you’d conjured up in your mind.”

“No, that’s not it!” he said, and he really meant it. He wasn’t delusional. Yeah, he’d had some hopes about how class would go, but not the hopes Genesis teased him about. “I just thought he’d be a good person to be around. To learn from.”

“You don’t need to take some course you’re not interested in to get his attention.”

“I don’t _want_ his attention,” Cloud insisted, more than a little flustered. “This course is good for a lot more than just learning another combat style. It’s more strength training, more footwork lessons—more self-discipline like you’re always going on about. _And_ I get some practice against people who use a different combat style than you. How is any of that bad?”

“So you’ll be attending this course regularly?”

Cloud blinked at that. “Um. Zack doesn’t want me here.”

“He can’t stop you, and you’ve just listed a number of valid benefits.”

“I’m slowing everyone else down. They’re all ages ahead of me.”

“You’ll just have to catch up then, won’t you?”

“I…guess so,” he agreed slowly. “Are you offering to help me?”

“Absolutely not. We’re on a tight schedule as it is. You need to complete several basic training programs before I can allow you to take on missions, and after that, we’ll be moving onto more advanced skills.”

“So, what? I just come here and keep embarrassing myself in front of him?” Cloud asked, huffing when Genesis nodded like it was obvious. “No one else in this class has _you._ He’s not going to help me out, and I don’t really blame him.”

“You were the one who wanted to do this, and I won’t tolerate you quitting now. If you don’t want to embarrass yourself, you’ll need to practice during your free time. I’m sure Zack will do his best to help you once you’re on par with the others.”

Free time…It wasn’t like he really had anything better to do, actually. Most of the SOLDIERs who nagged him about hanging out had stopped after his promotion. No one really knew what to think of him before, since he worked privately with Genesis—it was like they included him just in case.

Now they just considered him a joke, and he’d really only made things worse for himself by doing badly in front of so many people. If he ever wanted to be taken seriously, he’d _have_ to keep showing up at least until he did a little better.

And maybe in the process, he could show Zack he wasn’t a complete waste of time.

**\-----**

Why Zack got his hopes up, he wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the old optimist buried deep inside him, shining through even when he should’ve known better.

The thing was, when Chris called again...he wanted it to mean something. Zack had backed off completely, just like Chris requested—and _man._ It was hard. There were constant reminders of their relationship scattered throughout his apartment. Pictures, clothing, gifts. Not to mention the memories they’d shared around the place. Nearly every room had something in it that made him want to pick up the phone and ask Chris if they could just pick up where they left off.

How many meals did they share, laughing together at his dining room table? How many movies had they watched curled up together on his couch? And the bed. Gaia, how many nights had they spent there? How many _mornings?_ That used to be his favorite part—waking up together, tangled up in the blankets…the soothing sound of Chris’ soft breathing.

SOLDIER had made him an early riser, but those were days he would’ve happily spent in bed.

“So, he just wanted his stuff back?” Kunsel asked, sounding uncharacteristically annoyed.

“There’s this sweater,” Zack explained, shrugging helplessly as the memories threatened to consume him. “He woulda worn it every day if he coulda—it was his favorite. He let me borrow it while I was gone. Y’know, to think of him.”

And that was the reason Chris had broken the silence between them. To ask for his damn sweater back.

He’d gone from excited to devastated over the course of that phone call, lifelessly agreeing to meet up to return it. What else could he do? Refusing seemed petty, and he couldn’t bring himself to pass up an opportunity to see Chris in person. Not when he wished more than anything things could go back to the way they were, back when they were happy together.

“I can’t believe I used to think he was a nice guy,” Kunsel grumbled, shaking his head with obvious distaste.

Zack scowled. “He _is_ a nice guy. It’s that jackass he’s with—he got in his head.”

“You can’t seriously think it’s just that guy’s fault.”

“Uh, yeah I can. Chris was sad and lonely. He was missing me, and that asshole took advantage.”

“To an extent, maybe. I don’t think Chris is totally innocent in all this though. You’re back now, and—”

“Don’t,” Zack cut in, waving a hand. He really didn’t want to hear it. As much as he knew his friends were just trying to look out for him, the constant attacks on Chris really weren’t helping. “The time apart wouldn’t have hurt so bad if we didn’t love each other. I know he still feels that way for me, that guy just messed with his head.”

“Even if he does still love you, he doesn’t _want_ to. Not anymore.”

“Let’s talk about something else,” he decided, so _done_ with all this.

Hadn’t he been through enough that day?

There was something so heartbreaking about meeting up to give Chris that damn sweater back. Something so _final_ about it. Of all the places and possessions that reminded Zack of their relationship…

He’d brought that sweater to Wutai. It’d barely fit into his one allotted bag, but he’d made it happen. Every night he’d pull it out, usually wearing it to sleep. Thinking about those lazy mornings in bed with Chris, and how he couldn’t wait to get back home. That was what living his life to the fullest meant—getting back to Chris. Even after the breakup letter that stupid sweater had been there for him day in and day out.

And all Chris did was accept it back with a small smile, thanking him before leaving without another word. Not letting Zack get a word of his own in because, _“Talking will only make it harder right now.”_

Derrick had been waiting nearby, looking too smug for his own good. Like he knew Zack was a SOLDIER—that Zack could fuck him up with very little effort. Yet he was untouchable. He was the one fucking Zack up, and all the enhancements in the world couldn’t save him.

“How’re your classes going?”

Zack blinked a few times, too lost in thought to process the question right away. “Good, I guess. Mostly everyone’s doing well.”

“What about Strife?”

“Still showing up,” Zack said with an annoyed huff. True to his word, Zack had shown him little to no attention, but a couple weeks later and that kid was still there every night. “I don’t get that guy. Back when Ang was training me, there was tons of other shit I wanted to try, but I didn’t go sign up for any of it.”

“Because Angeal wanted you to buckle down.”

“Yeah. He reminded me how lucky I was to have one on one training at all. He really got me to focus, you know?” And it had paid off. Taking dozens of classes wouldn’t have gotten him very far—especially if those classes were with different weapons. It wasn’t like he could swap out swords in the field. “I told Strife the same thing, but it’s like he’s in his own little world.”

Kunsel eyed him curiously. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno. Something about him just rubs me the wrong way.”

“Maybe he spends too much time with Genesis.”

Zack snorted. He liked Genesis—he _really_ did. But Genesis’ personality didn’t really suit anyone other than Genesis himself. The way Strife seemed to draw so much attention…it was all eerily familiar. “The thought crossed my mind.”

“I heard he’s doing better,” Kunsel said conversationally. “Some of the Thirds were saying he’s not as bad as they thought.”

“Eh, the Thirds have to be careful with him. Like it or not, Strife outranks them now. They can only get away with saying so much shit.”

“So he’s not doing better?”

Zack hesitated. “He’s improving, yeah. Just not enough for people to be talking about.”

“It probably would’ve been more shocking if he _didn’t_ improve between you and Genesis.”

“I honestly thought Gen and Ang mighta planted him there to check up on me,” he admitted, shaking his head slowly. “But I dunno anymore. Ang said he didn’t, and it’s not like he’d lie.”

“He’d be more likely to stop by and watch your class himself if he wanted to check in.”

“I’m still kinda hoping the kid’ll take a hint and stop showing up,” Zack said, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve got enough going on with the SOLDIERs who actually need my help.”

“He really bugs you, huh?” Kunsel asked, eyeing him with interest.

He wasn’t even sure why, but he found himself nodding. “Yeah. He’s too…”

“Golden?”

Zack just laughed. “Something like that.”

**\-----**

People around the ShinRa tower were so up and down, it made Cloud’s head spin.

One minute he’s debatable because he’s Genesis’ personal student, and people don’t know what to think—if he was actually talented or if he was just pretty enough to catch the eye of a man who liked pretty things.

The next, he’s promoted, and that just made him _dirt._ It didn’t matter if he may or may not be skilled because the promotion was bullshit—which, yeah, Cloud couldn’t even disagree with that part. No one wanted to hear it when he told them he tried to turn it down. Then he sucked in Zack’s class, which basically confirmed that he was as undeserving as everyone assumed.

But _then…_ then he’d started getting better, slowly but surely. He spent every spare minute he had practicing the swings and footwork, all on top of his heavy training schedule with Genesis. He caught up to his classmates in something that was known not to be his specialty, and suddenly maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

Not to everyone at least. The opinion was still very divided—for every Third he won over, there was a Second who wasn’t convinced.

“Thinking about it gives me a headache,” Cloud said, shaking his head slowly. “They’ll probably all hate me again next week.”

“Forget everyone else,” Genesis told him for the umpteenth time. “The only opinion that matters is your own. And mine, of course.”

“I wanna make friends. You know, people who aren’t… _you.”_

Genesis huffed. “Oh, why thank you, dearest.”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way! I love working with you, but it’s not like we hang out. I spend all my free time training,” he explained dismally. Now that he’d caught up in Zack’s class, he was learning _there_ —he didn’t need to dedicate as much free time as he had been. Except he had nothing better to do. “The only people who invite me out are jerks.”

The same guys who liked to drag him to the bars on weekends, who had stopped talking to him after his promotion. Suddenly they were buddy-buddy again now that he was impressing people, but how long would it be before they changed their minds? SOLDIER was getting lonely, and the rumors were getting tiring. It was like Tifa had told him all those weeks ago. He needed a real support system—real friends.

“I can teach you many things, but the art of making friends?” The redhead tsked. “I wouldn’t call it my strong suit. I prefer limited company, to be honest. Why waste time on those who only express interest in your skills?”

Cloud frowned at that. It was a good point, really. When he’d first decided he needed to stick with Zack’s class, his intention definitely hadn’t been to make friends. All he wanted was prove he could do better—namely to show _Zack_ he wasn’t a waste of space.

That hadn’t exactly worked out, which was half the reason he found himself wishing he had someone who could keep him occupied outside of training hours. It was just hard, having the person he looked up to treating him like his presence was an inconvenience.

Even as his classmates started to look forward to pairing up with him, Zack’s opinion of him remained set in stone. If he wasn’t brushing Cloud off completely, he was making offhand remarks about his form or swing—never cruel or inaccurate, but always just as devastating.

“You haven’t been here particularly long, and you’ve been somewhat isolated as my student. Wait until you start going out on missions,” Genesis suggested, cutting into his thoughts. “There’s a bond we form with one another once we’ve spent time together in the field. A brotherhood, if you will.”

“You think?”

“Mm, yes. I wouldn’t call it friendship, but that doesn’t mean the foundation isn’t there should you choose to pursue it.”

“So basically I should just do my own thing for now,” Cloud concluded, deflating when Genesis gave him a nod. It made sense—friendships should come naturally, not because he _wanted_ them or because he managed to turn anyone’s opinion around. It was just frustrating. “You know…you were right before.”

Genesis didn’t look surprised. “About?”

“Um. Me having some weird fantasy about Zack.” There was more he wanted to say, but Genesis’ snort had him on the defensive immediately. “Not like that! I didn’t think we’d fall in love or whatever it was you said.”

“You wanted him to be your friend,” Genesis concluded, looking far more sympathetic when Cloud nodded. “That’s not a bad fantasy to have. He’s an excellent friend.”

“It’s like whatever I do, it’s never good enough. I know I made a bad first impression, but—”

“Remember when I told you he wouldn’t be cutting you any slack?” the redhead interjected, waiting for Cloud to nod. “Perhaps you should be the one to cut _him_ some slack.”

“Me? What’re you talking about?”

“Don’t take offense to anything that happens in that class. He’s not himself right now.”

“But he’s so great with everyone else,” Cloud said, confused. “He’ll tell me my stance is sloppy, but with the others, he’ll give pointers and walk them through it. He’s all smiles and nice words with them, and—”

“You, my dear, are full of hopes and dreams and everything Zack feels like he’s lost. You have a lot going for you right now. I imagine the very sight of you irritates him.”

“But…I don’t understand. Everyone in class has those things.”

“Mm, but you have more, don’t you? You work hard, learn quickly—you have the skills and opportunities to get what you’re after. Not to mention several appealing physical assets. You might say you remind him of himself in those ways. A version of himself at least.”

His face was red from all the compliments, and he found himself shaking his head. “I’m nothing like him. He’s…” Funny. Charismatic. He had the ability to captivate entire rooms without trying—to motivate an entire group with just a smile and a few kind words. “He’s so much better.”

Genesis sighed dramatically. “We need to work on your confidence. Zack is more experienced—he has countless missions under his belt. That doesn’t make him better than you.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I’m not sure I do,” he responded smoothly.

“I wish I’d never signed up for that class.”

“It gave you a much needed reality check, dearest.”

Cloud scoffed. “Yeah. Reality,” he said, shaking his head.

The reality was, the man he idolized all this time _really_ didn’t like him, and there was probably nothing he could do about it.

**\-----**

Zack had been patient. He’d tried being bunt, and he’d tried dropping hints.

Three weeks later, Cloud Strife was _still_ showing up to his evening course. The kid was either oblivious, or carrying out some kind of agenda. Judging by the way he’d improved so drastically in such a short time, it was the latter. Frankly, he knew Genesis well enough to guess what was really going on.

They were using his class as a forum to show off, and judging by the way Strife was slowly winning over the rest of the students…Well, it was obviously working. Just not on _him._

Did Genesis really think he wouldn’t figure it out? It was more surprising that he hadn’t noticed right away. The kid had obviously been good from the start, and was making a spectacle of his ‘improvements’.

Every lesson he’d get a bit better, building himself up until he was one of the top performers. Until people were saying ‘golden boy’ without a hint of sarcasm, and debating about who’d get to partner up with him that day.

It was ridiculous, even for one of Genesis’ schemes.

“Okay, take five,” Zack instructed the class, glancing around to make sure he’d caught everyone’s attention. They lowered their swords, chatter filling the room as they dispersed for water.

Zack made his way to the door, aware Director Lazard had been watching for several minutes.

“Impressive work,” the Director said, smiling as Zack muttered a thank you. “They really seem to respond to you.”

“It’s more fun than I thought it’d be,” Zack admitted—and he was _definitely_ surprised to find that he meant it.

Aside from Strife, it’d been a pretty decent experience so far. Working hands on with Thirds to get them on the right path reminded him that he could get back on track too. He wasn’t there yet—not even close, if he was honest with himself. But it was beginning to feel possible.

When he found himself thinking about Chris too much, he’d map out a new training plan. When he was missing a lost friend, he’d schedule an extra hour to work one on one with whoever needed his help the most. It was almost like he had a purpose again, and that was something he desperately needed.

If he could just stay busy until he was back in the field— _really_ back to work—he was pretty sure he’d make it through all this.

“You look better than you did when you got back,” Lazard noted carefully.

“I feel better.”

“Do you?” the Director asked, not skeptical or concerned—just curious.

Zack was ready to just say _yes,_ but the truth coming out instead, “I’m getting there.”

“How would you feel about overseeing another course once this one wraps up? Intermediary or advanced. It’d be a smaller group, and you’d be able to take the class into the field for training.”

“Uh, I mean. I kinda thought I’d be back on normal duty after this,” he said with a frown.

“Your students are pulling the top numbers of all—”

A loud cry from the room drew both their attention, Zack glancing over his shoulder to see what had happened. Of course…Someone had gotten bored and decided to mess around. Lazard waved him away, but he was already gone, ready to Cure up whatever mishap had occurred.

Only when he got there, Cloud friggin’ Strife was hunched over the injured student, a soft green hue emanating from his hands.

“Are you authorized to use materia without supervision?” Zack asked, sure that Strife still wasn’t cleared for missions. Second Class or not, that meant all the same policies that applied to Third Class trainees applied to him, even if it looked like the situation was under control.

It took a moment for Strife to finish before he looked up at Zack with an apologetic frown. “No, but—”

“If Gen said you’re exempt, he was wrong. Lazard’s in the doorway,” he said, gesturing with his thumb over his shoulder. “I can’t let it slide.”

“I don’t have any materia on me,” Cloud replied, rising to his feet slowly. “I’m sorry, I just saw he was hurt, and I was right here so I thought—”

It was Lazard who interrupted him this time, making a quick approach. “What do you mean you don’t have any materia on you?”

The blond glanced around tentatively, pulling off an award worthy nervous act—his face was even lit up, like he hadn’t been hoping for the attention. “I can cast basic Cures without any.”

The room erupted with gasps and questions, “Is that even possible?” the most common among them.

And, yeah, it was definitely possible. Materia was just condensed mako, and that was the primary chemical used for SOLDIER enhancements. It took a lot of practice, but certain spells could be cast by utilizing that mako instead. Most Seconds and Thirds wouldn’t be nearly in tune with themselves enough to manage.

“That’s badass!”

“Can you show me how to do that sometime?”

Zack started to zone out the class after that, deciding on the spot he’d have to have a word with Genesis about all this. They couldn’t keep doing this—he had a class full of distracted students now, and that wasn’t okay.

“We’ll talk later,” Lazard said, patting him on the shoulder before headed out.

That was only after he’d expressed his own praise for Strife, going as far as saying they’d selected a good candidate for that early promotion.

“Can you really call Shiva?”

“Do you think Genesis would help me too?”

Strife shifted uncomfortably time and time again, his answers short and quiet when they even let him get a word in. What a joke. This was the same kid who called out Shiva on a train—he knew the kind of attention that came along with pulling off tricky casts in front of a group. Now he was acting like he was overwhelmed. Like this hadn’t been a part of the plan.

“Okay!” Zack exclaimed, waving a hand to get everyone’s attention. He put on the big smile he’d been using during classes, most of the class beaming back at him. “Let’s just call it a night, yeah? I’ll see everyone back here tomorrow.”

It was only fifteen minutes early, but everyone seemed more than thrilled to hear it. Probably because they were still surrounding Strife, trying to get the ‘secret’ out of him. He’d really had enough for one night—why should he continue to indulge this behavior?

“Hey, Strife. I need a word with you,” Zack said loudly enough for the other students to hear.

Anyone who was disappointed kept it to themselves, not questioning him as he gestured for Strife to follow him to the far side of the room.

“Thank you,” Cloud muttered, breathing a relieved sigh as the other students began to leave.

Zack just snorted quietly. “How long are you gonna keep this up for?” he asked, growing a bit impatient when the blond just stared at him with impossibly wide eyes.

Seriously, was that why no one else could see it? The kid just looked too innocent for them to see what was right in front of them? Genesis had picked the right student for his antics, clearly. A face like that was hard to look past—hard to question.

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe they’re bitter about the promotion still, but they respect you now,” Zack continued, shaking his head at the thought. It just seemed so underhanded, tricking people like that. “Word’s gotten out that you’re not talentless, you impressed Lazard today—what else do you want?”

“To learn,” Cloud said, the same answer he always fell back on. “You said we’re moving onto new stances next week.”

“Yeah, and Gen’s got you covered.”

“Gen thinks this is all a waste of time. He won’t let me use a broadsword around him.”

“If you’re gonna show up either way, you could at least be straight with me about it. This whole act is getting old.”

“Act,” Cloud repeated, expression hardening for the first time in all these weeks. It was actually refreshing, so unlike what Zack had grown used to seeing. “You’re the only one here who’s acting.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not asking you to explain. I’m sure you have your reasons, and it’s none of my business,” the blond said, shaking his head slowly. “Whatever it is though, it’s not my fault.”

“Don’t try to act like you know me, or like you’re not doing anything wrong. I’m sick of you coming here every night and wasting everyone’s time. I tried to be nice about it—”

“Nice?” Cloud snorted. “You’ve been harder on me than anyone, and you know, I get it. You’re right, I have an opportunity that none of these other guys have. But I’ve been working my ass off—”

“You’ve been training with Gen and then coming here to put on a show.”

“You’re wrong.”

Zack raised both brows. “Am I? ‘Cause I wasn’t giving you the time of day, and you’ve still been improving. You’re definitely training while you’re not here.”

“Yeah, on my _own._ I didn’t want to keep embarrassing myself, so I started working in my free time.”

Gaia, how did this kid manage to look so sincere while spouting that bullshit? SOLDIERs did a lot of things in their free time, and training wasn’t one of them. Not on top of missions and required training hours. “You and Gen couldn’t come up with anything better than that?”

“It’s the truth,” Cloud insisted, brows furrowed. “I don’t know what else you want me to say. _You’re_ friends with Genesis—does that mean you’re dramatic and scheming all the time? Just because I work with him doesn’t mean I’m constantly playing games.”

“Then why’re you here? And don’t give me that crap about learning. It’s not like you’ll be using any of this in the field.”

Cloud stared at him for a long minute before shaking his head. “I don’t even know anymore.”

“You don’t know?” Zack repeated, scoffing until it occurred to him that maybe the kid really didn’t _._ “What, he keeps sending you back and you never asked why? You’re playing right into his hand.”

“Have you always been this cynical?”

“I’m trying to do you a favor here.”

“Unbelievable,” Cloud muttered, quietly enough that only a SOLDIER would be able to hear it. “You don’t have to talk to him. I had a reason to be here, but I think you’re right—it’s not valid, so I’ll stop coming.”

He began walking away at that, leaving a very perplexed Zack rooted where he stood. “You’re not gonna tell me what it was?” Zack called out—surely the kid owed him that much after all these weeks.

He looked over his shoulder, but didn’t stop walking. “You wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

Zack tilted his head as he watched Strife walk off, tired and confused. It should’ve felt good, Strife leaving with no intentions of coming back. Why didn’t he feel _anything?_

**\-----**

For someone who preferred ‘limited company’, Genesis was a very busy man.

It was understandable. Why would he be there at Cloud’s beck and call? The man had a life—he had his own missions to complete. He had his own friends, and he had his own hobbies. Sure, Cloud could shoot his mentor a message if he needed something, but at the end of the day…

They were friendly, not friends. Maybe that’d change somewhere down the line, when Cloud was a seasoned SOLDIER and no longer needed countless training hours, but for now?

Well, for now he was alone. Genesis was apparently with Sephiroth, and yeah. That wasn’t something Cloud wanted to be near anyway. The last time he’d seen those two together, they were arguing over some book and it got very _heated._

He glanced around the training room he’d chosen, double checking it was still as empty as it was when he walked inside. Then he pulled out the materia he’d smuggled, summoning Shiva without further delay. Genesis had him calling her forth nearly every day now, so it was as easy as drawing a sword at this point—familiar and empowering.

“Hey,” he greeted her, laughing quietly at how sad this really was.

This is what his life had come to. He had no friends to go to, nowhere to _be—_ so he was calling a summon for company. A summon who didn’t speak or interact with him outside of the innate bond he felt when she was present.

At least she didn’t think he was a waste of time or space. It was his first night skipping Zack’s class, and he really had nothing else to do. No need to train with a broadsword or do anything he’d been doing in his free time lately. That left him in dire need of a distraction, so here he was.

“Think you can make it snow?” Cloud wondered, smiling a little at the ease he felt in his bond with the summon.

Yeah, she could definitely make it snow—and more than blizzard cast. He funneled his mana, watching in awe as she filled an entire corner of the room with a pile of fluffy snow. It was so different than her usual cast—the icy Diamond Dust.

Cloud found himself drawn toward it, walking right over and plopping down comfortably. This was _exactly_ what he needed. He lied back on it, hands folded under his head and legs crossed at the ankles. The only thing missing was the night sky, but he’d never find that around Midgar. For now, this would do just fine.

Shiva remained out and unbothered, the bond they shared oddly soothing even in the silence. It was like he wasn’t alone, even if he could feel his mana depleting by the second. He was much more efficient with his casts now, so it wasn’t nearly as draining as it had been just a month ago. Maybe he’d down an ether before she had to go—he’d brought a couple this time.

Not just yet though. He was kind of curious how long his mana would last at this point, and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do than find out. So he closed his eyes, countless thoughts swirling around his head as he waited and waited.

He wondered how Zack’s class was going. If the other students noticed his absence—if their instructor was in a better mood than ever before. Probably, Cloud realized, a sad pang in his heart.

“Cloud?”

_Shit._ He shifted into an upright position, not sure how long he’d been lost in his own head. The voice that called out to him was distinct, and he recognized it immediately—Angeal Hewley. They’d met on more than one occasion, largely due to the fact the SOLDIER was Genesis’ closest friend. Never had they spoken one on one though.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, dismissing Shiva without further hesitation. “I know I’m not supposed to be using—”

“Aren’t you cold?” Angeal interjected, eyeing him with interest.

He quirked a brow. SOLDIERs didn’t really _get_ cold, at least as far as he knew. “Uh, no.”

“You’re sitting in snow. I assume Shiva made it?” the elder SOLDIER said, waiting for Cloud to confirm it. “It must be freezing then—stronger than a blizzard spell.”

“I guess,” he shrugged. Maybe it _was_ a little cold, sitting in a summon’s cast. It wasn’t like Shiva had hit him with it directly though. “It reminds me of home. The snow.”

Angeal’s face flashed with recognition. “Nibelheim, right?”

“Yeah, how’d you know that?”

“Genesis talks about you,” Angeal revealed with a kind smile. “More than he’d be willing to admit.”

“You’re gonna tell him about this, aren’t you?” Cloud assumed, grimacing at the thought.

He could practically hear the lecture now. This would definitely be considered wasteful casting in his mentor’s eyes, and maybe it was. It wasn’t like he’d be needing any mana any time soon though.

“I’m obligated to let him know,” Angeal confirmed.

Cloud sighed, but muttered a quick, “I understand.”

“Genesis has been known to light up entire rooms when he needs to clear his head. He won’t punish you for this.”

That got a laugh from Cloud. “Maybe I’m more like him than I thought,” he said, the thought somewhat sobering.

“Genesis has his moments, but he’s a good person. You should feel lucky to be like him.”

“Yeah, he’s great. It’s just…” Didn’t that make Zack right?

“He asked me to check in on you,” Angeal said slowly. “I think he wanted to himself, but he and Sephiroth bought their tickets months ago.”

“Tickets?”

“They’re seeing a performance tonight.”

_Oh._ Theatre. One of Genesis’ many interests, and one Cloud hadn’t realized Sephiroth shared. Not that he knew the Silver General well enough to know basically anything about his personal life. “Why’d he want to check on me?”

“He told me to check around the training rooms for you. It’s my understanding this is your free evening in a while.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess it is.”

“This is how you want to spend it?” Angeal asked curiously.

“I’d rather spend it in class,” Cloud admitted without much thought. The thing was, he _liked_ two handed combat. It grew on him by the day, and he was constantly surprising himself as he continued to pick up on the various styles. If he could somehow bounce between a large blade and two smaller ones, he’d absolutely do it. “I was getting good.”

“You know, I happen to be on good terms with the man who taught Zack his combat style,” the First told him, smiling a bit when Cloud laughed softly. “I’d be happy to spend some time working with you.”

“I really appreciate that,” Cloud began, mildly overwhelmed by the thought, “but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I already get to work with Genesis. I’d be asking for trouble if I accepted help from you too.”

Angeal hummed thoughtfully. “There are other courses. Other Firsts who teach groups. I could look over the list, and recommend one for you.”

“You don’t think I should be buckling down?” he asked, remembering Genesis’ words when he told his mentor he wouldn’t be going back to Zack’s class. He’d gotten his reality check—that meant it was time to focus on more important skills.

“Normally I’d say yes, but this is a special circumstance.”

“Why?”

“No one would’ve expected you to do so well with a bulky weapon. Even if you don’t end up using it in the field, practicing will push your limits further.”

“It’s helped my dual wielding swing,” Cloud admitted. “They’re so much lighter—when I bring them down with the same force, it’s pretty good.”

“Pretty good?” Angeal repeated, brows raised. “It’s a lot more than that if the stories Genesis tells are true.”

“Uh, he’s probably exaggerating.”

“Which means there’s an element of truth in there.”

“Maybe.”

“There always is,” Angeal said, sounding sure. “I need to head back out now—can I trust you to clean up after yourself?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“No more unsupervised usages after tonight,” he warned, expression suddenly stern. “I’d hate to see your first mission date to get pushed back because you landed yourself extra training hours.”

“Yessir,” he muttered, hopping up and dusting the snow from his pants.

Angeal walked away with a warm smile after that, leaving Cloud alone with his pile of snow. Shit. How was he supposed to clean this up?

**\-----**

“You are a fool.”

Zack stared blankly at Genesis, wishing he’d slept through the knock at his apartment door. “Okay. Can I go back to bed now?”

“No. You can let me inside so I can explain _why_ you are a fool,” Genesis told him.

There was no point in arguing. He stepped back, the redhead strolling right inside like he owned the place. Gaia, he wasn’t in the mood for this, but he followed Genesis to his table anyway, taking a seat.

“I already know what you’re gonna say,” Zack said, rubbing his hands over his face to wake himself up a bit more. “I don’t really care that I screwed up your plans.”

“My _plans?”_ Genesis asked, quirking a brow.

“Uh, yeah. Don’t think I didn’t figure out why you kept sending your kid to my class. He made an impression, okay? There’s no point in him coming back for more.”

“I told myself I wouldn’t get involved in this. That it was best the two of you sorted this out on your own,” the redhead said, shaking his head. “Clearly you’re both hopeless without me.”

“You couldn’t have told me this over lunch or something?”

“No, because I have an adorable student to tend to this afternoon. He’s in the gym now—he won’t need me to supervise for a couple hours.”

“What do you want from me?” Zack asked, eyes meeting Genesis’. “I let him stick around even when I thought it was a bad idea. He impressed everyone in the room. What more do you need?”

“Are you happier now that you’ve run him off?” Genesis wondered, almost pensive. “Do you enjoy your classes more thoroughly without him?”

“Uh.” He ran a hand through his hair, not quite sure what to say.

The truth was, _no._ Classes had become monotonous. Even as they worked through new stances, none of it was as exhilarating as taking down a monster in the field—protecting some village or traveler. It was rewarding in the sense that those SOLDIERs would be better off thanks to him, but without Strife around…

Well, his mind wandered. _A lot._ Instead of watching with a critical eye, he felt distant—bored even. It was a lot harder to keep up with the forced smiles and happy sentiments. All he could think about was how so many of his comrades had fallen in Wutai, and _this_ was what he was doing. Yeah, he was helping people, but anyone could train a bunch of Thirds the basics.

It wasn’t how his return was supposed to go. He was supposed to be doing so much _more._ He was supposed to be happy—spending his free time with Chris, enjoying the company of his friends, going on missions to fight for people who couldn’t do it themselves. With Chris taken out of the equation, it was like he lost _everything_ else.

“Cloud became your distraction,” Genesis said, breaking through his dismal thoughts.

“He wasn’t. He just didn’t need to be there, and we both know I’m right.”

“Perhaps. I should be thanking you for sending him away—he’s still very young and naïve. Your class was difficult for him, but he gained something invaluable from it.”

“…Wait, what?” Zack asked, tilting his head.

“You don’t truly believe that nonsense you’ve been spouting, do you?” Genesis laughed lightly. “If I had it my way, his skills wouldn’t have been revealed publicly until his first mission. He would’ve made a much better impression than he did fumbling around your class.”

“But—”

“You know I’m right. That story you created in your head was just what you used to justify your behavior. Cloud doesn’t play my games—it’s one of the reasons I keep him around.”

“So why bother with my class then? What is it he _gained?”_

“I’m not sure you’d believe me if I told you.”

Zack snorted. “You know, he told me the same thing.”

“His answer would’ve been different than mine, though he was right to assume you wouldn’t believe him either.”

“So, what? You came here to tell me I was wrong, and…?”

“That you’re a fool.”

“Pretty sure you covered that bit,” Zack muttered, a tiny smile on his face.

“It can’t be overstated.”

“Do you want me to take him back or something? ‘Cause I don’t see the point now.”

“He won’t be returning. As far as the rest goes, I don’t care _what_ you do. I simply wanted to tell you how very wrong you were. I imagine you’ll be feeling guilty about it in the coming weeks—”

“I won’t,” Zack interjected firmly.

It didn’t matter what the real reasoning was, he was _right_ about the kid not needing to take his course. He was _right_ to say it took away time he could be spending on needier students. And really, he hadn’t been mean to the kid. Just a bit more blunt than usual.

“You will, and you should know Cloud is a kind soul. He’ll forgive you when the time comes, so don’t hesitate when you’re ready to apologize.”

“I don’t owe him an apology.”

“You probably don’t,” Genesis conceded with a shrug. “That doesn’t mean you won’t want to offer one anyway. I know you, dear.”

“Gen…”

“I expected this behavior for a short time, but it’s been weeks. It’s time to snap out of it.”

Zack fixed his friend with a hard stare, deciding it was better to just not respond. What was with everyone? Did they really think they could just talk him back to normal? If it was that easy, Angeal would’ve had him back to his old self the day he’d returned. His lectures were a lot more compassionate than anything Genesis could say.

“Did you know I dated an actor once?” Genesis asked, meeting that hard stare without hesitation. Zack frowned, but shook his head. “Well, I did. He was a charming man—not so different from you in that respect. There was this air about him that drew people in.”

“…Okay?”

“He was the first person to send me what you would call a Dear John letter. That was back when I still deployed regularly,” he explained, smiling like it was somehow a fond memory. “He was the first and only man I discussed a future with. All of it, too. A house, children. Things I can see you wouldn’t expect from someone like me.”

“Gen…” Zack was at a loss. “That’s…I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” Genesis responded with a shrug. “At the time, I was devastated, but now? I can see I’m far better off. All those irritating platitudes people say—it’ll get better in time, you’ll move on? It turns out they’re not so ridiculous.”

“I never thought they were. I just don’t—”

“Want to move on,” he finished, a sympathetic smile on his face. “Yes, I quite know the feeling. You’re actually handling it far better than I did. Eric—that was his name—he’d met someone else as well. Another actor. I lit his costumes on fire opening night.”

“Seriously?”

“Not while he was wearing them,” the redhead tacked on, laughing a bit at Zack’s stunned expression. “Eric wasn’t as impressed by the display as I’d hoped. That was when any hopes of reconciliation were lost, if I’m not mistaken.”

Zack chuckled softly. “I can’t imagine why.”

“He told me I was insane, and maybe I was in that moment. I’d never felt so hurt and betrayed—I didn’t know how to contain it.”

That sobered Zack right up. “I know what you mean. The last time I saw Chris’ new boyfriend, I almost decked him just for looking at me the wrong way. I’ve never been that kinda guy.”

“The thing to remember is, they aren’t to blame. Neither are Chris or Eric. They could’ve handled the situation with more tact, but the fact is, our lives are difficult to manage. The missions, the travel—it puts a strain on any relationship, and that’s no one’s fault. Who are we to tell them they shouldn’t move on to someone who can keep them happy?”

“But we were happy together too.”

“Would you have been, had you known how difficult it was for Chris? He was so lonely without you, he had to find solace in another man. That’s a difficult burden to bear, and it’s one that would haunt you every time you leave.”

“How’d you get over it?”

“I met someone,” Genesis revealed, not sounding thrilled. “I thought to myself, if a civilian can’t handle this life, surely a fellow SOLDIER can.”

“And…you were wrong?” Zack assumed, judging by the look on the redhead’s face.

“Not entirely. You’re aware of my current relationship,” he reminded Zack with a pointed look. And, yeah. Genesis and Sephiroth had gotten together a few years back. They seemed so solid—he’d never heard about all these previous relationships before. “It just didn’t work out with the first SOLDIER I attempted to date. We saw far too little of one another, and the moments we _did_ share didn’t make up for the rest.”

“It’s different with Seph?”

“Very. We treasure our time together,” Genesis said almost whimsically. “Even the moments we spend bickering are enjoyable.”

Zack snorted. Those two…Their relationship was definitely something special. “How’d you know it’d be any different with him?”

“I didn’t,” he said simply.

The thought was terrifying to Zack. “I don’t see myself moving on.”

“Perhaps not any time soon. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen should you allow it. Civilian, SOLDIER—it truly doesn’t matter. The key is finding someone who can love you, yet still be whole without you. That’s the kind of person who’ll be happy to wait for you.”

“I don’t feel whole myself,” Zack admitted quietly.

“You were before you met that man. Before he became dependent on you, and you poured everything you had into appeasing him. Now you’ve lost a bit of yourself—all you have to do is find it again.”

Zack let out a bitter laugh. Like it was that easy. He had so many hopes and dreams going into that relationship. They’d all become intertwined with where he saw himself going with Chris—it’d become _their_ hopes and _their_ dreams. That was how relationships worked. How was he supposed separate it back out now that they weren’t together anymore? How could he not associate his plans with _their_ plans?

“The first step is truly accepting that it’s over,” Genesis told him, like he could see all the doubts and confusions on Zack’s face. “The rest will come far more easily.” He stood up after that, glancing at Zack. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts. You know where to find me should you need anything, yes?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, raking a hand through his hair. “Thanks, Gen.”

“You’re quite welcome.”

“I’ll apologize to the kid,” he added, sure he owed Genesis that much at least.

“He’s no child. You’d do well to remember that.”

He nodded, too worn down to say otherwise. “Okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

**\-----**

Cloud may have been the type to misuse materia to make his own winter wonderland, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t also a man of his word. When he told Angeal he wouldn’t violate the materia policy again, he meant it—no more Shiva until after he was field certified.

Thankfully that certification was coming up fast. He and Genesis worked diligently, and there were really only a few boxes left to check off before Cloud would be sent on his first mission. A group mission, to get some experience under his belt.

The whole process was very gradual—there were training hours and criteria to fulfill before a new SOLDIER could be sent out, and after that it was all teamwork for a set number of missions. All the while there were continued training hours required between assignments.

Eventually a SOLDIER would complete enough training hours and group assignments to be sent on small team or solo missions, but that didn’t mean their schedules lightened up. Training only became more rigorous, with advanced requirements. A set number of hours and missions later, a SOLDIER would be free from the training requirements and authorized for solo ops without question. They were still ‘highly encouraged’ (or as Cloud liked to call it, _required_ ) to train in their free time, but without the specific guidelines.

At that point it was just about staying sharp.

Getting caught violating policy now would set him back at least six training hours—the boring kind where he had to familiarize himself with all of ShinRa’s extensive policies and rules. So, yeah. He wouldn’t be going back on his word to Angeal even if he was bored out of mind during his down time.

That was why he found himself back on a train for the first time since the bomb incident.

“Hey.” The person who took a seat to his left nudged him. “You’re Strife, right?”

“Yeah. Cloud,” he said, recognizing the man. If the Second Class uniform hadn’t been enough of a hint, the helmet covering the SOLDIER’s face was. Not many people bothered to wear those, let alone while they weren’t in the field.

“Kunsel,” the other SOLDIER responded, extending a hand for him to shake.

Cloud accepted without hesitation, a small smile on his face. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same,” Kunsel responded shortly. “You headed down to the bars?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you even old enough to drink around here?”

“Um, no. Just 19,” Cloud admitted. It wasn’t like he could see Kunsel’s eyes underneath the helmet, but the way he was still facing Cloud made him feel like he was supposed to say more. “I have a friend who works at one of the bars in Sector Seven. I’m just going to see her.”

“Ah. Girlfriend?”

Cloud laughed at the thought. He loved Tifa, but they may as well be related. “Definitely not.”

“I might tag along, if that’s alright,” Kunsel said, almost hesitant.

And, well. It struck Cloud as a bit odd. “Aren’t you on duty?”

“No, I just didn’t have time to change.”

“Before what?” he asked curiously. “Are you meeting someone?”

“Yeah. Figured I’d grab a drink first, then head over,” Kunsel explained.

“Oh. Okay, yeah.”

There wasn’t much else to say after that, but the silence wasn’t too awkward. Occasionally Kunsel would chime in with a question, but other than that, the ride wasn’t noteworthy. No bombs or panicked crowds, which was a big relief.

“It’s this way,” Cloud said, guiding his new acquaintance down the familiar path.

“Seventh Heaven?” Kunsel guessed, a smile visible below his visor line when the blond nodded. “I’ve been there. It’s not a big SOLDIER hangout.”

“Yeah, they draw a different crowd most nights. It’s a nice place though—she’s in the talks to buy it someday.”

“Wow, good for her,” he said appraisingly. “How’d you meet?”

“We’re from the same town. Nibelheim.”

Kunsel seemed just as interested in that, making a few more inquiries as they headed inside. Then they sat together and chatted at the bar, where it was only a matter of time before Tifa would notice his arrival.

Sure enough, her whole face lit up when she did. “Cloud? Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in weeks!”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said, hand on the back of his neck. “There was kind of an incident—”

“I know. I saw you on TV!” she told him, hands on her hips. “You stopped a bomb on a train?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Cloud replied, shaking his head. “I had no idea what to do, and all these people started shouting at me to help.”

“I can’t even imagine…”

“Yeah, well. Turns out it’s really easy to stop a bomb as a SOLDIER,” he admitted quietly. “I just hadn’t learned yet, so everyone at work thought I was an idiot.”

“Cloud,” she frowned, meeting his eyes. “You’re not an idiot. That’s even more impressive—you stopped it when you didn’t know how.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“I do. Did they ever figure out who did it?”

“No idea. It’s above my pay grade,” he admitted, laughing at the look she gave him. It was a bit odd—he could stop the bomb, but he couldn’t know who put it there in the first place. Or why. “Last I heard, the Turks had the investigation under control.”

“They apprehended the suspect,” Kunsel chimed in, surprising Cloud. “I think it was two weeks ago?”

“That’s good news,” Tifa responded, turning her attention to the other SOLDIER. “Are you a friend of Cloud’s?”

“A new friend,” he responded, smiling as he turned to Cloud. “At least, I hope so.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Tifa was not so subtle about how happy that made her, offering Kunsel a beer on the house before getting Cloud his usual soda. It was a steady night at the bar, so she was come and go after that, but it was fine. Oddly enjoyable even.

The more he talked to Kunsel, the more he decided the other SOLDIER was actually nice guy. He knew _a lot_ about what was going on around the tower, and some of the stories he told were pretty funny. They even had a few things in common—the types of games they were into, the movies they watched.

It was a bit strange having someone so well-known and well-liked around SOLDIER approaching him, but he couldn’t shake the hope that maybe he’d found the friend he’d been needing.

**\-----**

Zack shoved his hands in his pockets as he approached a bar he hadn’t been to in over a year, wondering exactly why he was doing this. Was it really worth the hassle?

“ _And_ he tried to turn down the promotion, but the execs wouldn’t let him,” Kunsel revealed, still going on and on. “You know how that goes. If they see a chance for publicity, they take it.”

Ever since Zack mentioned his plans to apologize to Strife, it was like Kunsel had become the kid’s biggest fan. When Zack couldn’t track him down in the tower after a week, Kunsel was more than happy to help. Apparently they’d hung out a few times, frequenting this particular bar. A bar that Zack knew too well.

Was there anywhere he could go without being reminded of Chris?

Kunsel continued, unaware, “He’s really not so bad. I think you’ll like him when you get over whatever it is you have against him.”

“I’m not here to be his friend,” Zack responded flatly. “I’m here because I told Gen I’d apologize.”

“You don’t think he deserves an apology?”

“I dunno. Apparently I’d normally think that, but right now? No. He didn’t need to be in my class, and I did us both a favor by saying so.”

“I did some digging and I really think you should give him a chance,” Kunsel said, coming to a halt before they approached the door.

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, to give some apology you don’t even think he deserves. He’s gonna see right through that.”

“I’m going out of my way here,” Zack reminded his friend—what more did they want from him? “That’s gotta count for something.”

“Yeah,” Kunsel agreed, eyeing him closely. “It’s a little weird for someone who doesn’t think he did anything wrong.”

All Zack could do was shrug, not having anything to say. Maybe there was a part of him that knew…just because he didn’t _feel_ guilty didn’t mean he hadn’t screwed up. He still knew right from wrong, and there was no doubt in his mind that he could’ve handled the whole Strife situation with a bit more tact.

“Let’s just do this,” he said when he realized Kunsel wasn’t going to budge.

They walked into the bar together after that, Kunsel pointing out Strife right away. He was sitting at the bar, chatting away with an attractive bartender.

“That’s Tifa,” Kunsel told him, nodding toward the woman. “They’re from the same town. Nibelheim.”

“Nibelheim,” he found himself repeating with a frown. It sounded oddly familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it. Maybe he’d gone there on a mission—it was hard to keep track after so many.

Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. He was here for a quick apology, not for Cloud Strife’s life story.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Kunsel said, patting him on the back before walking off.

The place was pretty crowded—it wasn’t a huge shock that Kunsel had already spotted someone he wanted to go say hello to. Probably someone he knew, since Kunsel knew everyone. Zack took his time before approaching the bar, thinking to himself the place hadn’t really changed all that much since the last time he’d stopped by.

“Hey, Strife,” he greeted as he took a seat at the bar, meeting a very surprised pair of blue eyes.

“Um. Hi.”

Well, shit. He hadn’t really thought out what to say, or where to start. “Can I get you a drink?”

“I’m good,” Strife responded, lifting up the glass he already had.

“Are you even old enough to be here?” Zack wondered, regretting the question when a glare was his answer. “Just curious. It’s no big deal.”

“I’m not drinking, so you can forget it if you were hoping to come up with a reason to reprimand me or something.”

Zack frowned. “I wouldn’t do that.” The blond just shrugged like he wasn’t so sure. “What? I wouldn’t!”

“Okay,” he responded with another shrug.

“Look, I know we didn’t exactly get off on the right foot,” Zack began, not reacting to the snort his words caused, “and, you know. Maybe I jumped the gun and assumed a few things. I talked to Gen, and he said he didn’t have anything to do with you signing up for my class.”

“You believed him?”

“Well, yeah. I know him. It’s definitely something he’d do, but he wouldn’t deny it if he did. So, I’m sorry.”

Another shrug. “It’s fine.”

“I still don’t think you should take my class,” Zack added, watching his face carefully. He seemed so impassive about the whole thing—it was a little unexpected considering how indignant he’d been the last time they spoke. “But I shouldn’t have gotten on your case like that.”

“You’re right,” he agreed easily. “I guess we both made mistakes.”

“Uh.” Zack blinked a few times. He’d expected a bit more than that. “We’re cool then?”

“Yeah. Just…stop calling me Strife,” he said, almost sounding hopeful. “My name’s Cloud.”

“Cloud,” Zack repeated with a nod. “Okay. I prob’ly won’t see you around much anymore, but I’ll remember that.”

Cloud looked oddly disappointed. “Yeah. I guess now that I’m not in your class…”

“I’m sure you’ve got enough on your plate with Gen anyway.”

“Yeah, he’s actually pretty strict. Definitely keeps me busy.”

“I still can’t imagine him with a student,” Zack admitted, chuckling at the thought.

“He’s a great teacher. Sometimes he’s a bit much…he kinda gets a kick out of putting me in awkward situations,” Cloud said, shaking his head with an amused smile. “But, yeah. I’m learning a lot.”

“I can tell. You’re a pretty talented kid.”

Again surprise took over Cloud’s features, as if he’d been told something he hadn’t heard from dozens of people since making SOLDIER. Zack didn’t find himself annoyed by it though—not this time. He was ready to just put all this behind him now that they’d made peace.

“Anyway,” Zack continued, hopping off the stool. “I’m gonna get back over to Kuns. Looks like he could use a wingman.”

It was a lie—Kunsel was doing just fine on his own. There was just no need to draw out the conversation. What was left to say? Nothing as far as he was concerned. He managed a small smile as Cloud muttered a goodbye, then headed off to the corner Kunsel had settled in with a few people Zack had never seen.

The fake smile was back on his face as he greeted them, breezing through quick introductions. Then they carried on talking about whatever it was they’d been discussing before Zack’s arrival. He zoned most of it out, silently wishing they could just go back now.

Maybe he used to have fun going out like this—meeting new people or catching up with friends and acquaintances. Not so much these days. Especially not _here._ His eyes were drawn to a booth nearby, filled with what looked to be a happy couple.

That had been him once, in that very spot.

Chris had worked nearby at the start of their relationship. They’d swing by for a drink whenever Zack came by at the end of his shift, and then it just became one of their things. Even after Chris got a new job, this was a place they went together.

His heart sank, the flood of memories nearly overwhelming. Gaia, what was he doing here?

“I’m gonna get a drink,” he told no one in particular, headed right back to the bar. Not near Cloud either. He walked right up to the female bartender from before, flashing a quick smile before asking for a few shots. That was the key to drinking as a SOLDIER—shots in quick succession, and then something strong to wash them down. It wouldn’t give him more than a short lived buzz, but it’d do the trick for now. At least until he could get out of there. “Thank you.”

“You’re Zack, right?” Tifa guessed, eyeing him carefully.

He quirked a brow. “Yeah. Sorry, do I know you?” Zack asked, not sure he’d seen her before this night. He and Chris tended to get lost in their own little world when they were out together, so it was hard to say.

“No, I’ve just heard a lot about you,” she responded with a kind smile. Then she waved away the gil he tried to offer. “It’s on the house.”

“Oh, I couldn’t—”

“As a thank you. Cloud’s a friend of mine,” she said, like that explained it. “You did a lot for him, and I’m grateful.”

“What do you mean?” he responded curiously.

Her eyes flickered over to the blond, exasperated before she turned back to Zack. “He didn’t tell you, did he?” Apparently not. Zack just shrugged, not having a clue what she was going on about. “It’s not my place to say more. Either way, a few drinks is the least I can do for you.”

Something in her eyes told him not to argue, so he didn’t. “Thanks.”

“Not a problem. Let me know if you need another.”

He nodded appreciatively before she walked off to help another customer, sipping at his drink and wondering what he could’ve possibly done for Cloud Strife. It wasn’t like Cloud thought getting run out of class was a good thing, even if he seemed to accept the situation.

So what was it?

Maybe it was Genesis. There might’ve been some skill or technique he’d taught the kid that was more his style or Angeal’s style. Judging by the way Cloud could swing a broadsword, it was definitely possible.

A minute later, he was sure he didn’t care what the answer was. He could only stay distracted for so long before his mind was back on Chris—back on this bar, and the times they shared in it. Kunsel looked like he was getting cozy with one of the people he was sitting near, much to Zack’s dismay.

They’d made a deal before coming out that they’d leave together. Something about how Zack hadn’t been social lately, and they could hang out back at his place if he wanted to go after the apology. So much for that.

_Remember that night you spilled your drink in my lap?_

He sent the text before he could stop himself, smiling faintly at the memory. Chris had tried going shot for shot with Zack, on some personal mission to show that just because SOLDIERs were stronger didn’t mean they were so different. That a normal person could do all the same non-combative things.

It was a sweet thought, but also an inaccurate one. Zack had slowed down for his boyfriend’s benefit, knowing all too well it’d be excessive for anyone unenhanced. The end result had been the same—a very drunk Chris. He’d been so wasted that he spilled an entire glass of water into Zack’s lap.

_Surprised to say I do remember. I was so far gone_

Zack’s heart jumped at the reply, not having expected one. Fuck. He wanted to say more—to get _Chris_ to say more. But he didn’t want to push it and reset all this time they’d spent not talking. Luckily he didn’t have to decide if he should or shouldn’t say anything. Another message hit his inbox.

_Why’re you thinking about that night?_

A big smile spread across his face as he answered, explaining how he was at Seventh Heaven for the first time since coming home. The smile began to dwindle as the minutes passed, but then another response hit his inbox.

_Are you there alone?_

Zack glanced over at Kunsel, thinking he may as well be. _I’m with someone._

No need to get Chris thinking he was out getting drunk by himself. Would he even worry? Did he ever wonder how Zack was doing? Or was he so happy in his own relationship that he stopped thinking about Zack entirely?

“Another?” Tifa asked, reappearing out of nowhere like any good bartender would when a drink was emptied.

“Yeah, please.”

She accepted his gil this time, smiling again before carrying on with her work. His eyes were basically locked on his phone after that, mindlessly sipping at his drink as he waited and waited. And then he waited some more. At least thirty minutes passed, his heart dropping further as every single one went by.

He should’ve asked a question—thrown in something that warranted a response. Did he make himself sound busy by saying he was with someone? Hopefully not. He wouldn’t have texted Chris in the first place if he was busy.

“With someone, huh?”

Zack turned around on his barstool, raising both brows in surprise. Derrick. What was _he_ doing there? “Uh, yeah. So what?”

“I don’t see anyone,” Derrick responded, giving an exaggerated look around.

“Yeah, he’s—”

“Don’t be rude, Derrick,” a familiar voice chirped, popping up by his side with two drinks in hand. Derrick accepted one with a smile, wrapping his free arm around Chris’ waist. “Hi, Zack.”

“Chris,” he breathed, a little awed and a little confused. “What’re you doing here?”

“Derrick and I were going for drinks anyway, so when you said you were here, I thought it'd be nice to surprise you! I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” Chris began, glancing up at Derrick who gave a quick nod. “I really want us to be friends, and now that you’re moving on too, it seems like the right time. If that’s something you still want.”

_Moving on?_ Zack blinked, confused by the hope on his ex-boyfriend’s face. “I don’t think—”

“Unless you’re not here with someone,” Derrick said, raising a challenging brow. “If it’s too hard on you, we can just go.”

“It’s not. I think being friends would be great,” he ground out, needing to make this work. Gaia, if he could get Chris back in his life, he could turn all this around. “We’re actually about to head out. Maybe we can plan something for another night?”

“Sure,” Chris agreed easily. “Where is he? The person you’re with. I want to meet him!”

“Oh he’s—” Zack glanced over at Kunsel, wondering if his friend would ever let him live this one down.

Except he was otherwise engaged with the woman he’d been sitting near, completely unaware of his friend’s current crisis. _Shit._

“Hey. Sorry, there was a line at the bathroom.”

Zack turned toward the voice, and he was sure he’d never been so happy to see Cloud friggin’ Strife in his whole life. A big, genuine smile appeared on his face as he looked back at Chris and Derrick, and it only grew when Cloud stepped in closer by his side.

“No problem,” Zack said, glancing down at the blond with a newfound appreciation. “Uh, so. This is Chris, and his boyfriend Derrick.”

Cloud smiled a little, reaching out to shake their hands. “I’m Cloud. Nice to meet you.”

He couldn’t suppress the smug expression on his face as Derrick and Chris both gawked a little, clearly having never seen a man like Cloud before. Fuck. There was a lot Zack could say about the kid, but there was no denying he was the best looking guy in the whole damn bar. Maybe he didn’t have the charm factor like Chris, but he had this kind of effortless appeal. Zack had noticed that first day they met, and it was even more obvious now that he wasn’t in uniform.

“Wow. It’s really nice to meet you, too,” Chris responded kindly, Derrick echoing a similar sentiment.

“Like I said, we’re on our way out,” Zack said, looking to Cloud who didn’t seem to mind. “Maybe text me tomorrow? We can set something up.”

Chris nodded right away. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay, cool,” he replied. “See you around.”

It sucked walking away when they’d only just said hello, but he’d already dug himself a hole here. There was no getting out of it. Not tonight at least. For now, the best he could do was drape a friendly arm around Cloud’s shoulder and walk out that door without looking back.

**\-----**

They barely made it twenty steps away from Seventh Heaven before Zack retracted his arm, the happy glow around him dissipating in a hurry.

“What the hell was that?” he demanded, his stare sharpening as it met Cloud’s.

And, yeah. Cloud had been ready for this the moment he made the decision to help out back inside. “I’m sorry,” he started, soft and genuine. “I have a hard time with my enhancements still.”

“You were eavesdropping,” Zack concluded, not impressed.

“Not on purpose!”

“That doesn’t make it better, does it?”

“I’m sorry,” Cloud said again, emphatically this time. “I know it’s rude, and it’s none of my business. I didn’t mean to cross any lines.”

“Well, you did. I didn’t ask for your help!”

“You got it anyway. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is, I’ve been nothing but shitty to you. What’s your game here?”

Cloud rolled his eyes. “Seriously? It’s not a game. I just wanted to help.”

“And you’re not gonna hold it over my head?”

“No,” Cloud said, laughing softly. Man, this guy had some serious trust issues. “We’re SOLDIERs. We’re supposed to have each other’s backs.”

Zack’s expression seemed to soften at that. “We’re not in the field. You of all people shouldn’t have my back in some bar.”

“You’re wrong. I owe you a lot.”

“What’s that even mean?” Zack asked, holding his gaze evenly. Cloud just shrugged. “Your friend at the bar—she said the same thing. She gave me free drinks.”

“For fuck’s sake,” he grumbled, face red with embarrassment. “She shouldn’t have said anything. Don’t worry about it.”

The older SOLDIER frowned. “Do you even know what you just did?”

“Uh. I filled in for Kunsel since he was busy?”

“Yeah, as my _date_ for the night. They got the wrong idea from a message I sent, and assumed—”

“I got the gist of it when they were talking about you moving on and being with someone,” Cloud cut in, seeing too clearly the pain on Zack’s face as he got into the subject. “It’s okay. You don’t need to explain anything to me.”

Zack breathed a sigh, but didn’t look relieved at all. “This is so messed up.”

“It’s not. It’s not like you lied—you didn’t say any of that. Just tell them tomorrow that we were hanging out and they got the wrong idea. I mean, you did come to the bar to see me, right? So it’s basically true.”

“How’d you know I was there to see _you?”_

“Um. Kunsel waved me down after you went up to drink at the bar. He asked me how it went and spilled that he brought you to see me.” Zack grumbled incoherently, but he didn’t deny it. It was oddly flattering, really. “You didn’t have to go out of your way like that. It was really nice of you.”

“Yeah, well. Now I wish I’d done a better job at apologizing.”

Cloud looked up at him in surprise. “I thought you did pretty good.”

“Nah, that was an obligatory apology. I owe you a real one,” he said, insistent. “How ‘bout we do like you said—we hang out tonight. I’ll order pizza and help you out.”

“Help me out?”

“With your eavesdropping problem,” Zack responded, a small grin on his face. “It’s the least I could do.”

“Help me out _how?”_

“Specialized training. It involves lots of junk food and games.”

“I…don’t know,” he muttered, hand on the back of his neck. It sounded nice, but Zack didn’t _really_ owe him anything. “We don’t have to do anything. I was getting ready to leave anyway.”

“This is a one-time offer. You’re not gonna find a better teacher for this one, trust me.”

“And then what? You go back to pretending I don’t exist?”

“Uh. I mean, it’s not personal. It’s like you said, you’re not in my class, so I won’t see you around,” Zack told him with a frown. “You’ll be in the field soon, and I won’t be for a while.”

He hadn’t been expecting a different answer, but it still had him deflating. “Oh.”

“Hey, what’s the big deal?” Zack asked, nudging him gently. “You don’t need me. You’ve got plenty of people rooting for you.”

“I’ve got plenty of people who think I’m a joke, too.”

“Yeah, but that’s SOLDIER. You’re never gonna please everyone. You’ll have your friends—you’ll have the guys you work with, who see what you can do. Then you’ll have the jerks who think they know better.”

“And that’s what you are to me? A jerk who thinks he knows better?” Cloud asked, arching a brow.

“Yesterday maybe. Today I’m the guy who wants to return a favor,” Zack said, smiling a little.

“And tomorrow?”

“I’m nobody tomorrow. Trust me, you’re not missing out—I’m not exactly good company right now. Outside of class, I got nothin’ to offer anyone.”

Cloud stifled a laugh. “You can’t really think that,” he said with an amusement that faded as soon as he saw how serious Zack looked. “You…You’re Zack Fair. You’ve got plenty offer.”

Zack snorted. “If you wanna hear about how SOLDIER isn’t everything you thought, then sure.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re young. Idealistic. We mighta gotten off on the wrong foot, but that doesn’t mean I wanna be the guy who gives you the wakeup call about what we do.”

“But…you help people. You—”

“Do you wanna do this training, or not?” Zack cut in, raising both brows.

“Um. Yeah, I do,” Cloud decided, not really sure it was a good idea.

He couldn’t pass up the opportunity though. Not with Zack. They headed back to the train station in silence, the ride back much the same. Zack was on his phone for most of it, maybe messaging Kunsel to let him know where they’d gone, or maybe messaging someone else—Cloud wasn’t sure. He just did his own thing, leaning back with closed eyes like usual on the train. By the time they got back to the station closest to the tower, neither had spoken another word.

It wasn’t until Cloud was trailing behind Zack, headed to his idol’s apartment door that it really began to sink in. Zack Fair, who he’d always looked up to—the same Zack Fair he’d decided was kind of a jerk…he was about to go into the man’s home for some mystery ‘training’.

“You know,” Zack started, tossing his wallet and keys on the kitchen counter as Cloud followed him inside wordlessly, “most Seconds and Thirds would be saying how unfair it is that First’s get such big apartments.”

Cloud laughed softly. “I’ve already had that conversation with Gen.”

“He let you in his place?” Zack responded, raising both brows. “It took him two _years_ of knowing me before I was allowed over.”

“It was just once after I overdid it during training,” he explained, shaking his head at the memory. “Woke up on his couch an hour later.”

“How’d you manage that? New Thirds usually just burn excess mako, not their own energy.” The blond shuffled where he stood, only offering a slight shrug. Zack noticed right away, eyes growing more and more curious. “It wasn’t when you were new, was it?” he realized, quite accurately.

“It was a couple weeks ago.”

“What’d he have you doing? Ang said your training’s been backwards—that you’re covering the basic stuff that Gen skipped.”

“We are, but doing all that plus everything else I was doing on my own…” He shrugged there, preferring not to get into the specifics. When he saw the recognition in Zack’s eyes though, he knew he had to continue, “It was my own fault. When Gen told me to practice in my free time, he didn’t mean for me to spend as much time as I did. I just…”

“You just _what?”_

“I wanted to do better, and I wanted it to happen faster,” Cloud finished, simple as that. “And actually, aside from that incident, it pretty much worked.”

Zack folded his arms across his chest, eyeing the blond skeptically. “Do you actually like broadswords?”

“Yeah,” he admitted, not shrinking back under the First’s strong gaze.

“Why let me run you off then?”

“Uh, you didn’t _run me off,”_ Cloud clarified firmly. “I left because you were right. I was there for the wrong reasons.”

“You ever gonna tell me what those reasons were?”

“No offense, but you made it pretty clear we’re not friends. This is just you returning a favor,” the blond reminded him, a bit blunt, but Zack didn’t so much as blink in reaction so he figured it was a fair assessment.

“I guess we should start then,” Zack decided, moving decisively into his kitchen. The blond pivoted on his heel, watching curiously as Zack turned on the sink and started washing his hands. “You can take a seat on the couch. Do you want a drink or anything?”

“No, thanks.” He’d already had his fill for the evening, so he moved toward the couch and settling down just a bit stiffly. There was something about the place that didn’t quite feel right, and it wasn’t just that he and Zack weren’t friendly enough for this to be happening.

The more he looked around, the more he realized what it was. It was almost like no one actually lived there. Everything in sight looked either brand new, or standard company-issue. Well, aside from the pile of video games and consoles on the TV stand. Everything else even _smelled_ new to Cloud’s enhanced nose, which was a bit weird since Zack had spent years as a SOLDIER. Surely that meant years of collecting possessions, decorations, and all sorts of random shit from his travels.

“I just moved in,” Zack said, clearly catching the way Cloud was looking around. “First Class upgrade. They offered to furnish the place.”

“And you accepted,” Cloud stated, biting back his curiosity. The First nodded, plopping down by his side before reaching out for the remote and turning on the TV. A distinct drip in the background caught his attention on top of the actors’ voices coming from the TV, and he found himself looking over his shoulder toward the kitchen. “I think your faucet’s—”

“Yep.”

“It’s broken?” the blond asked, shifting back to look at Zack.

“Nope.”

The slightest squeal from the water pressure was prominent to his sensitive ears, as was the sound of the water eventually building up just enough to drop into the sink with a soft splatter. A splatter he wished to Gaia he couldn’t hear so clearly from one room over.

“You left it like that on purpose,” Cloud realized, quirking a brow.

Zack’s eyes were gleaming as he nodded, a grin slowly appearing on his face. The kind of grin Cloud had always hoped to see from this man, directed right at him. It quickly turned evil as the First pulled out his PHS and turned on some music, leaving it playing on top of the TV and the dripping sink. None of the noises drowned out the rest, instead each detectable in a frustrating way to the new SOLDIER.

Maybe it shouldn’t have been such a surprise when Zack started tapping his feet, the movement deliberate rather than habitual. “You ready to play some games, Spike?”

His heart jumped at the random nickname, leaving him too stunned to do anything other than nod. Games. Hopefully Zack’s idea of training games didn’t involve making as much noise as possible just to annoy him.

**\-----**

Kunsel finally took off his helmet, apparently just so he could chuck it at Zack. Playfully, of course. “Why can’t you just admit you like the kid?”

Zack’s fingers curled around the metal as he scoffed. “Because I don’t. We hung out _once!_ It doesn’t make us best friends.”

“You only play your little training games with people you like.”

“I owed him a favor after what happened in the bar! That’s it,” he said firmly, sure that he meant it. Their night had actually been enjoyable—the first he’d truly felt relaxed in ages. That didn’t mean there was anything more to it, though. Kunsel was just being his usual, nosy self, prying for a story where there was none.

“What about Chris?” Kunsel pressed, quirking a brow. “Does he still think you’re dating Cloud?”

“Nah. I told him it was just a casual thing. One night.”

“And?”

“And he thought it was weird ‘cause Cloud’s so…” Zack let out a short sigh, soft blond spikes and bright blue eyes crossing his mind in a way he wished he could forget. “You know.”

Kunsel hummed in agreement. “He’s attractive.”

“Chris didn’t get it,” Zack continued with a shrug. “Why I wasn’t pursuing Cloud seriously. So I just told him I wasn’t there yet—that I wasn’t ready for commitment, and I prob’ly won’t be for a while.”

“Sounds honest, at least.”

“It is,” he agreed with a nod, feeling a tiny bit better about the whole situation. Frankly, he really didn’t like the fact he’d lied in the first place. Making up stories wasn’t his style, and it never had been. Intentional or not, it felt wrong. “He’s kinda pushing it though.”

“Chris?”

“Yeah. He’s been texting me every day since, asking how Cloud’s doing,” Zack admitted, pulling out his PHS and handing it over to his friend. Kunsel chuckled softly as he browsed through Zack’s texts, clearly amused by Chris’ persistence. “It’s not funny!”

“It kinda is,” Kunsel countered, eyes widening as the phone dinged in his hand. Before Zack could snatch it back, his friend had already looked over the new message. “A double date, eh?”

Zack groaned as he read the message for himself. Sure enough, that was exactly right. All the messaging back and forth had been ‘friendly’ without any indication that they could actually speak or see one another…Despite Zack not-so-subtly hinting they should hang out sometime.

And this was the result. Chris _did_ want to see him, but only with Derrick by his side and someone else at Zack’s.

“I’m not going, so don’t even think about asking me,” Kunsel warned, knowing the look on Zack’s face all too well. “Besides, Chris would never believe you and me were anything other than friends. He’s seen how we are together.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he muttered, letting out another dejected sigh and wishing Kunsel had been the one by his side at the bar that night. Chris would’ve realized the mistake right away—that Zack was just out with a friend, no big deal. No follow up ‘date’ necessary. “What am I supposed to do then? I’ve gotta go, otherwise who knows when I’ll see him again?”

“Do you really _want_ to see him?”

Zack scowled at his friend, tired of hearing everyone else’s opinions on the subject. No one else’s opinions mattered when it came to this; to how he felt in his heart. He didn’t need their approval or validation. What he needed was _Chris,_ and this was the way to re-establish that bond.

“Fine,” Kunsel grumbled, hands up in defeat. “Why don’t you just ask someone random? Plenty of people would love to date you.”

“I’m not interested in dating. All that crap about not wanting commitment? It’s basically true. Unless it’s with Chris, I don’t wanna deal with it anymore.”

“Asking someone on a date isn’t committing.”

“Yeah, but I don’t wanna lead anyone on. If they actually wanna date me, it’s not gonna end well for them.”

“Hear me out,” Kunsel said, raising a finger before Zack could dismiss whatever nonsense had come to his scheming mind. The look on his face was one Zack knew too well. “What if I told you there’s an adorable Second Class who kinda feels like he owes you a dozen favors?”

“Uh, I’d ask _who?_ ‘Cause last I checked, the only Seconds who might think that are still over in Wutai, and I’d never ask them to do this. We’re SOLDIERs. We don’t save each other’s asses for favors.”

“Cloud, you idiot!”

Zack dropped the helmet entirely, dumbfounded for a solid moment. “What’re you talking about? Me and him are even now. He got me outta last week’s mess, and I—”

“Gave him the key to a good night’s sleep. Turns out that hearing problem had been keeping him up most nights, or waking him up every couple hours,” Kunsel explained simply. And, okay. That made sense actually. SOLDIERs needed less rest than the average individual, but that didn’t mean they didn’t cherish a good night’s sleep—especially in between long, tiring training days. “I’m sure he’d say yes if you asked him.”

“I don’t want him to feel obligated. The situation’s weird enough as it is.”

“Well, those are your choices. Ask Cloud on a fake date, or ask someone else out on a real date. Or tell Chris you’d rather not. It’s kind of common sense when you think about it. Who suggests a double date with their ex anyway?”

“He misses me,” Zack said, sure of it. “You read the messages! He doesn’t actually wanna see me move on, he just wants an excuse to hang out and this is how he gets it without Derrick thinking it’s weird.”

Kunsel frowned. “That’s not what those messages said.”

“You gotta read between the lines, Kuns. He’s worried what Derrick’ll think if we start hanging out alone, so this is step one for him. I just gotta play along until I can spend time with him alone.”

“…I guess. So you’re gonna ask Cloud?”

“No way,” he decided, shaking his head. “Maybe Lenny?”

“Are you kidding? If you think _I_ have a big mouth—”

“You’re right,” he interjected, running a hand through his hair. “Edmunds?”

“His wife left him last time he was overseas. No way he’ll play nice around Chris after what happened between you two.”

Shit. Zack had forgotten about that. “What about Stevens? He’s fun to hang out with.”

“Uh, same as Edmunds. His ex bailed when he was in Mideel.”

“Seriously? How did I not know that?” Zack wondered, brows furrowed.

“You were in that blissfully unaware stage of your relationship back when that went down. Half the guys here probably have stories like you, and the other half _heard_ the stories so they won’t wanna help either. I’m telling you, Cloud’s your best bet.”

“You don’t think he’ll hold it over my head?”

“He’s not Genesis! I’ve spent a lotta time with him now, and he’s a good kid. Funny as hell, and stupidly nice. I meant it when I said you could be good friends if you gave him a chance.”

“Who says he’ll even wanna go? This isn’t a normal favor, and he’s not my biggest fan after the way I treated him. Outside of the other night, I’ve been nothing but an ass to him.”

“You’d be surprised. He’s a smart kid—no way he hasn’t figured out that you’re not yourself lately.”

“He doesn’t _know_ me.”

“Yeah, but he knows about you. Everyone does. You think Genesis hasn’t told him not to take you seriously right now?”

“Last time I tried to assume something about him and Gen, it didn’t exactly go well for me.”

“Because you aren’t thinking clearly. You’re bitter, Zack. Angry and frustrated. And, yeah, it’s been getting better lately, but you’re still not really _you._ Trust me on this one. The worst that could happen is, he’ll say no. He’s not the type to spread it around or make a big deal about it.”

“I’ll think about it,” was the best he could offer, already doing just that.

**\-----**

It was finally time.

ShinRa had issued his official mission permit, authorizing his first set of non-training missions. Naturally Genesis had declared victory right away, cashing in some free dinner Angeal owed him just to celebrate the occasion. With _Sephiroth_ tagging along, offering his own congratulations like it was a perfectly normal scenario.

By the end of the night, Cloud was pretty sure he wasn’t shocked or star struck anymore. Just excited, really, for whatever was in store in the coming weeks. Three missions had already been added to his schedule, most of which were inside the city, but that hardly dampened his spirits.

This was all happening. He was a SOLDIER, and it was finally time to start proving it.

“Hey, Spike.”

_This_ seemed far more surreal, Cloud thought, blinking a few times to find that Zack Fair was still leaning against his door. If he’d been overwhelmed by Sephiroth’s appearance, he was stunned by Zack’s, a different type of nerves swelling through him on the spot.

No need to show that though. He straightened up a bit, walls in tact as he met Zack’s gaze. “Hi.”

“Hope you don’t mind. I told Gen to text me when you guys were headed back.”

“You’re here to talk to me?” he clarified, raising a brow.

“It’d be kinda silly to stand outside of your door if I wanted to talk to someone else, don’t ya think?”

“I think you already forgot my name, which means you can’t have much to say to me.”

“Cloud,” Zack said, just a tad bit exasperated. “Your name is Cloud.”

“So why’re you calling me Spike? Is it some inside joke between you and your friends, or what?”

“ _What?_ No! I just like nicknames. Most people, you can cut their name down, but you’ve gotta short name, so I had to improvise,” he explained with a shrug, like it was obvious. “If anything, it’s a sign of potential friendship.”

“Friendship,” the blond laughed as he spoke the word. “I was under the impression you were done with me. You said you’d be nothing to me after that night.”

“I was an ass, okay? I still am!” Zack exclaimed, looking just helpless enough for Cloud to bite back any retort. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I said to you leading up to last week, and I’m sorry for saying we couldn’t be friends or anything. I meant the part about how I’m not really a good friend right now though.”

“So why’re you here?”

“Because I’m not a good friend,” he responded hesitantly.

“That makes no sense.”

“Can we talk inside?” Zack asked, almost a plea.

Cloud nodded right away, almost forgetting they were standing in the hallway. The whole situation was awkward enough without broadcasting it, so he pulled out his keycard, swiping it the moment Zack stepped aside. The First trailed inside after him this time, entering Cloud’s tiny apartment without a hint of judgment. There wasn’t even curiosity—his gaze was fixated on Cloud as he took a seat across from the blond at his kitchen table.

“So…congrats on your mission status.”

“Thanks,” Cloud said, only growing more confused. “I’m not really trying to be rude here, I just don’t get this. I appreciate what you did for me, but you were pretty clear that was it. That I should leave you alone. I’ve got enough going on right now without any drama.”

“I can go, if you want.”

“What’re you here for?”

“…Would you believe me if I said I wanted to ask you on a date?”

Cloud snorted. Not even his inner most fanboy believed _that,_ nor did it have any interest in saying yes at this point _._ “Not unless you mean one like our last date.” And there it was, he realized. Between the silence and the way Zack’s gaze dropped, it dawned on the blond pretty quickly. “I thought you were going to tell that guy it was a misunderstanding.”

“I did! Kinda,” Zack clarified, letting out a long sigh. “I told him it wasn’t a serious date or anything, and that we prob'ly wouldn’t hangout again. But then he kept askin’ about you!”

“And what? You let him believe there was something here?”

“No! I was honest with him. Told him I wasn’t ready for any kind of commitment with anyone. The thing is, he wants to see me, and his boyfriend isn’t gonna be cool with that if no one thinks I’m moving on.”

“Uh, that’s messed up,” Cloud said, shaking his head sternly.

“I know, but I’m really not _ready_ to move on, so—”

“No, it’s not messed up that you’re not ready to move on. It’s messed up he isn’t allowed to see you because his boyfriend says so. That’s not healthy.”

“I know,” Zack agreed, finally looking back up. “I know you don’t know the whole situation, but I’ve gotta see him. Gotta spend time with him so I can get him outta that relationship. If I can manage a couple double dates, I should be good—I can start hanging out with Chris one on one without it being an issue for anyone.”

“Chris is…?”

“My ex. We were together for a long time, but then when I was in Wutai…I came back and he was with Derrick—the tall one from the bar,” Zack explained, not hiding his discontent. “It’s a long story, and I’d rather not go into all. I just really need your help.”

“There’s no one else you can ask? A friend?”

“No. Most SOLDIERs aren’t gonna wanna see me get back with him after what he did. Either that or I can’t trust them not to tell the entire tower what’s going on.”

“And you trust me?”

Zack met his gaze again, slowly nodding. “Yeah, I do. Gen wouldn’t teach someone who couldn’t keep a secret.”

“Just like he couldn’t teach someone who wasn’t dramatic and conniving?” Cloud retorted, smirking slightly as Zack muttered another apology. “I was kidding. I’ll do it.”

“You will?” Zack asked, skeptical.

“Yeah,” he agreed with a shrug. “Why not? Just one date though, and we’ll see how it goes from there.”

“One date,” the First repeated with a growing smile. “Great! You won’t hafta worry about anything. I’ll pay for everything, and I’ll make all the arrangements. What missions did they put you on?”

“City duty. It’s the beginner’s rotation.”

“The bi-weekly one?”

“Yeah. You’ll have to ask Gen for my training schedule—it’s mostly random. He likes to mix it up and surprise me.”

“Gotcha. Wanna give me your PHS number?” Zack asked, pulling his out and sliding it across the table. “That way I can just text you the details when I have it set.” Cloud nodded in agreement, punching in his number and sliding the phone back in lieu of a response. “Great. That should be it then, for now at least. I’m sure you’re tired after celebrating.”

Cloud smiled a bit. He _had_ been tired, but now? Well, he was wide awake, mind reeling about whatever it was he’d just agreed to. “I’ve got a few questions, actually.”

“Okay. What’s up?”

“What’s our story? We’ve gone on a few casual dates?”

“Yeah, definitely casual. The closer to the truth, the better.”

“So we met in class then,” Cloud said, earning a nod from Zack. “And, what? You started hitting on your student?”

“Hey! Who says my student didn’t start hitting on me?”

Cloud snorted. “Right, because I hit on everyone who publicly berates me for bad posture.”

“Okay, fiiiine. I hit on you first. But only after you dropped outta my class to pursue other interests,” Zack decided carefully. “I don’t want it to seem weird, like I took advantage. Most people outside don’t understand our policies. They hear the word teacher and think it’s like school even though it’s not.”

“Are we sleeping together in this scenario?”

“Uh, I don’t think they’ll ask something that blunt,” Zack said, raising both brows.

Cloud could feel the heat in his cheeks under the intense stare he was receiving, but if this was happening, he needed to know they were on the same page. “Casual dating means different things to different people.”

“What’s it mean to _you?”_

“Um. Depends on the person I’m dating.”

“Well, I already told Chris I’m not lookin’ for anything serious, so…yeah, we’re sleeping together. I doubt he’d believe we _weren’t,_ to be honest.”

“Why’s that?” Cloud asked, not quite sure he wanted to know the answer.

“Something about the way I looked at you when you walked up to us that night in the bar,” Zack admitted, hand on the back of his neck almost sheepishly.

“So we’re intimately familiar with each other, but light on the rest.”

“Yeah. We have fun together, like we did at my place.”

Cloud couldn’t suppress a fond smile as he remembered their night of ‘training’. By the time he realized he couldn’t hear the damn drip from the faucet, he didn’t even care anymore; he’d been having too much fun to be bothered by much of anything. Then it was over. Zack was ‘no one’ to him again, with the only real change being that the sound of the wind outside didn’t keep him up at night anymore.

“I guess that’s it, then. I’ve seen all the games you own, so there should be enough for us to seem like we have something in common.”

“And we’re not supposed to be serious,” Zack reminded him. “It’s cool that we don’t know much about each other.”

“Okay. Just let me know when, and I’ll be there.”

Zack smiled at that, rising to his feet slowly. “You know,” he began, eyeing Cloud almost tentatively, “I really was wrong about you. Not just ‘cause you’re doing me this favor either. You’re a good kid, and you’ve got way more talent than I gave you credit for.”

“I already accepted your apology,” Cloud reminded him, face red from the sudden compliments.

“Because you’re nicer than you should be. A normal person would’ve laughed in my face about this after the start we got off to.”

“If it was anyone else asking, I would’ve. This is different.”

“Why though? Why am I different to you?” Zack pressed, quirking a brow. “You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. Not really.”

“I’d rather not get into it.”

“We’re dating now though!” he said, joking, but still looking at Cloud expectantly.

The blond just shook his head, unamused. “It’s cool that we don’t know much about each other. You said so yourself.”

There was a brief flash of disappointment on Zack’s face, but it was gone as soon as it came. He shoved his hands in his pockets before nodding, muttering a quick _see you soon_ before headed to the door. Cloud echoed the sentiment, anxiety spiking inside him as the door shut behind the First.

What had he just gotten himself into?

**\-----**

Zack found himself pacing inside Cloud’s place, heart racing anxiously. They were about to go on their first ‘date’, and it was clear from the repeated deep breaths and sighs coming from the bathroom that he wasn’t the only one nervous about how the night might go.

What had he gotten himself into?

It was only when he thought about his conversations with Chris that he remembered it would be worth the effort in the end. Actual conversations over the phone rather than via texts, which felt like progress. They were talking a few times a week now, always friendly and always hopeful that their schedules would line up for a ‘date’ night.

With Cloud’s training and mission schedule so full, it was a lot harder than he’d anticipated. Nearly three weeks had passed since they’d agreed on this, the younger SOLDIER understandably preoccupied with his first series of missions. They’d been talking too, touching base with one another about how things were going and when they’d be able to get together.

“I’m ready,” Cloud declared, emerging from the bathroom decisively. The tips of his hair were damp, like he’d just been splashing water on his face and hadn’t quite dried off thoroughly. Still, Zack couldn’t help but smile as he gave the blond a once over.

“You look good,” he said, an obvious fact, but one that needed stating judging by how stressed Cloud appeared to be. It was endearing, Zack thought, wondering if that was how Cloud got before _real_ dates, too. He shook the thought from his mind, focusing again on the task at hand. “Thanks for doing this.”

“It’s not a big deal. And you know this isn’t real, right? You don’t need to compliment me when no one’s around to hear.”

“Hey, I’m allowed to comment on it when my friend looks good! No audience required.”

Cloud snorted. “Is that what we are now? Friends?”

There was a hint of hope in his voice that Zack couldn’t quite understand, and he found himself nodding along. “Yeah, of course. Aren’t we?”

“I’d say acquaintances,” the blond admitted with a shrug.

“Acquaintances who talk nearly every day and go out on fake dates together?”

“That’s different. We were planning, not _conversing._ It doesn’t make us friends.”

“Uh, so when we were talkin’ about how your missions went, that was us planning? Or when I was telling you how classes are going? I’ve talked to you more than _anyone_ these last few weeks, Spike,” he admitted, realizing it as he spoke. “If that wasn’t us starting a friendship, I’m a lot rustier at all this than I thought. I’m not sayin’ we’re best buds, but c’mon. There’s something here.”

“And tomorrow?”

“What do you mean?”

“I only agreed to one date. If it sucks, I’m not going on another.”

It took a minute for Zack to get what was being implied, but when it hit him, he found himself speechless for a moment as he eyed the younger SOLDIER—his newest friend, however unlikely and unexpected the situation was. He stepped forward impulsively, placing both hands on Cloud’s shoulders and holding Cloud’s gaze evenly.

“If it sucks, we just won’t go out on another one. Doesn’t mean we hafta stop talking.”

“I guess we’ll see soon enough.”

Zack bit back the offense he felt, inwardly aware he probably deserved the skepticism. What he _wasn’t_ aware of was why it mattered so damn much to Cloud—the same mystery that had been plaguing him all these weeks. It was one thing for a recruit to look up to a well-known SOLDIER, but this was something else entirely.

Why the need to know bothered _him_ so much was a bit of a mystery as well, but there was no denying it had become more than a nagging thought.

“I used to be good at this,” Zack muttered, shaking his head slowly as he retracted his hands. “Making friends and keeping them.”

“I’m not exactly an expert myself, but…”

“Say it.”

“It helps when you don’t start off because you need a favor. I don’t know if these last few weeks were real, or just you staying on my good side to get through this date.”

The answer wasn’t unexpected, but it still stung to hear Cloud say it so bluntly. Worse than that was the fact he couldn’t quite deny the fact none of this would’ve happened had he _not_ needed Cloud’s help.

But he was glad it did.

Just like Cloud had become a distraction in his class, he’d remained one as their awkward friendship began. A positive one instead of a negative one, which was exactly what Zack needed in his life at the moment.

“I didn’t wanna like you,” Zack admitted with a sigh. “Gaia, there’re days when I _still_ don’t wanna like you. But, you gotta believe me, Spike. I do. I don’t know what it is about you, but it feels like we met under the wrong circumstances. Like if one thing had been different, we’d have hit it off right away. But we didn’t, and you know…it is what it is now.”

The admission probably wasn’t the smartest or most eloquent statement, but it was honest, and it felt like he could use a little bit more of that in his life at the moment. Cloud seemed to relax at the words at least, a small smile appearing on his face that had Zack smiling back instinctively.

“I could use a new friend,” he added with a shrug.

“You have plenty.”

“Yeah, but they all knew me before. Things are different since I came home, and not just ‘cause Chris and all this. A lot happened when I was in Wutai, and I just…” He shook his head solemnly. “I just want a clean slate. I’m sick of everyone’s expectations.”

“…I’m sorry,” Cloud mumbled, very nearly causing Zack to cringe.

“I don’t _want_ your apologies. I’m fine, Spike. I’m not lookin’ for anyone’s sympathy.”

“I’m not apologizing for whatever happened to you over there—I don’t even _know_ what happened. I’m apologizing because I had expectations, too,” he admitted, glancing up tentatively. “High expectations. You kinda…”

“Disappointed you.”

“Yeah. I knew something was going on with you, but I kinda thought you were an asshole anyway.”

Zack shrugged it off. “I was. There’s no point in going over it all again now. We just gotta start over and go from here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Cloud agreed with a nod and a smirk. “I can do that.”

“Why’re you giving me that look then?”

“Uh, because I might not expect much from _you_ anymore, but I do have high expectations for this date.”

“I already made the plans and agreed to pay. What else do you want?”

“I want a ride,” he responded, almost innocently.

“We’re takin’ the train. That counts, right?”

“Nope. I’ve seen your bike.”

Zack huffed at that, looking at Cloud in a whole new light. “You wanna ride on my bike?”

Not even _Chris_ had hopped on with him, though the offer had always been open. It was more a fear of falling that deterred his ex-boyfriend. No one else was allowed to touch his bike though—not after the infamous Kunsel incident when the damn thing got knocked over while his friend ‘investigated’ what kind of modifications Zack had made to the engine.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Zack proposed, arms folded across this chest. “I give you a ride this one time, and you don’t speak a word of it to anyone. Not even Kunsel.”

“Deal!”

The response came so quickly that Zack chuckled, a bit surprised the golden boy would even be into motorcycles in the first place. That was another thing Zack was starting to learn about Cloud Strife; he was full of surprises.


	4. Chapter 4

**\-----**

Exhilarated was the only way to describe how Cloud felt as he hopped off Zack’s bike, heart pumping fast in his chest and a smile plastered on his face. Gaia, how long had it been since he’d been on a motorcycle? And to ride on _Zack’s_ was even better. The SOLDIER had the best ride in the program, most other members preferring to just use a chocobo or ground transport to get around.

“You know, I changed my mind,” Cloud said, removing the helmet Zack had forced him to wear despite his _I’m a SOLDIER_ excuse. “I’ll go on a dozen dates with you if we can ride this every time.”

Zack chuckled, but shook his head. “You’re an easy kid to please, Strife.”

“Easy to displease, too,” he said, scowling at the distinct step back they’d just taken in terms of nicknames.

“Spike. Sorry,” Zack muttered, hand on the back of his neck. “Just kinda nervous now that we’re here, you know?”

_Oh._ It made sense, and as Cloud looked around, he couldn’t help feeling a bit nervous himself. He’d never done this—fake dating. Even real dates could be uncomfortable, especially first dates. Dating friends was so much more relaxing, and he and Zack were still working on that bit.

“It’s just some food,” Cloud reasoned, nodding like that would will away his own doubts. “We’re SOLDIERs. We can handle dinner.”

Zack grumbled something, incoherent even to Cloud’s enhanced ears. The word _Derrick_ was definitely in there, but otherwise, it was just nonsense until Zack’s eyes suddenly locked onto his. “Wanna go for one more ride around the block?”

The helmet was back on in lieu of an answer, and the pair hopped right back on Zack’s bike. Cloud held onto Zack loosely, his grip secure enough without being plastered to his new friend’s back unnecessarily. Then they were off, wind encompassing them as Zack zipped them around the block twice for good measure.

By the time they were back, they were both smiling again until Zack stepped in closer than anticipated to help remove Cloud’s helmet. He inhaled sharply as it came off, eyes wide with confusion as Zack’s fingers ran through his messy blond spikes.

“Um, Zack?”

“You two are adorable!”

Realization hit him like an epiphany as the somewhat familiar voice hit his ears, and he was glad he didn’t even have to pretend to be flustered at being caught in whatever situation he was in. Zack had clearly noticed Chris and Derrick before Cloud, stepping in at the opportune moment to seem more romantic or intimate—whatever it was they were going for. Cloud had gone over all that in his head beforehand, but it was in disarray now as he smiled awkwardly at the two strangers approaching them.

Strangers who _hugged_ to say hello. At least Chris did, going in to greet Zack first before pulling Cloud into his arms like they were old friends. “He must really like you,” Chris whispered, as if Zack couldn’t hear him clearly. “He doesn’t let anyone on his bike.”

Cloud eyed Zack, smiling at the wink he received in turn before looking to Derrick and Chris with some semblance of confidence. “It’s nice to see you both again.”

“You too,” Chris responded, and it seemed genuine to Cloud. “We’ve really been looking forward to this.”

“I was beginning to think you two weren’t dating at all,” Derrick chimed in, far less kindly.

“We’re SOLDIERs,” Cloud said unapologetically. “We’re busy, and when we _do_ have free time, a double date isn’t the first thing we have in mind. No offense.”

“None taken,” Chris replied. “Trust me when I say, I remember how that can be. You’ve gotta enjoy every second you get together, and even then it’s not always enough.”

_Ouch_. The words were spoken so sweetly and sincerely, like a well-intended wish for them to enjoy each other’s company, but Cloud didn’t miss it—the way Zack flinched ever-so-slightly. Honestly, Cloud didn’t know much about their breakup, but it didn’t take a relationship expert to piece it together. He gave his friend a gentle nudge when it was time for the group to go inside, aware Zack had started to zone out a bit during the small talk that had started up. They didn’t link hands like Derrick and Chris, instead walking a step closer than necessary as Zack leaned down to mutter a quick _thank you._

“So what do you do, Derrick?” Cloud asked, jumping right to it after everyone put in their drink orders.

“I’m in the materia business.”

“He’s being modest,” Chris said, shaking his head with full exasperation. “He owns his own shop.”

Cloud turned his attention to Derrick, surprised. “You own a materia shop here in Midgar?”

“We can’t all run off to fight pointless wars.”

“Pointless?” he scoffed.

“Cloud,” Zack muttered, a hand over the blond’s. “It’s fine. We didn’t come here to talk politics.”

“I’m not talking politics, I’m talking facts. Wutai _asked_ for ShinRa’s help because entire civilian cities were being taken out in the cross fire of their civil war. What you and every other trooper and SOLDIER over there has done, has been to help them. There’s nothing pointless about saving innocent lives.”

“You act like ShinRa went just to help, and not to collect on its investment afterward. We all know it’s all about the reactors, and that ShinRa doesn’t give a damn about how bad they are for the environment.”

“Right, says the materia shop owner who clearly has a grudge against the company since ShinRa regulates all materia sales in the city,” Cloud concluded, raising both brows pointedly as Derrick frowned. Chris, on the other hand, looked surprised by the statement. “You didn’t know that? Well, it turns out people were setting random things on fire in the slums, and causing storms and just general chaos because no one was monitoring who the materia was being sold to. ShinRa stepped in, set up some safeguards, and imposed fines on anyone in violation.”

“They don’t just fine people in violation, they fine _everyone.”_

“It’s called a licensing fee. You have to meet certain criteria to be able to sell dangerous materials, and uh, most the city would call that a _good_ thing. Especially this sector. Did you know there used to be an apartment building two blocks from here? It burned down in a materia mishap three years ago.”

“Not all materia salesmen should be responsible for the actions of a few incompetent people.”

“How’d you know about that fire?” Zack wondered, his full attention on Cloud in the midst of the ‘debate’. “That one shoulda been classified.”

Cloud’s demeanor faltered momentarily, grateful the waiter had arrived with their drinks. He took a quick sip and a long breath before answering, “I used to live there, back before I was old enough to join the infantry. It happened not two weeks after I moved out. A lot of good people died in that day—people I knew.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize,” Zack said quietly, reaching out to squeeze Cloud’s hand. “I was a new Second back then. They had me on cleanup duty.”

“I didn’t actually see it,” he admitted, grateful for that much. It must’ve been terrifying, and he would’ve been helpless to do anything back then. “I just heard when I went back to visit.”

“I’d seen a lotta bad stuff by then, between missions and my first trip to Wutai. That fire though…” Zack shook his head solemnly. “You’re right, a lotta good people died.”

“None of that excuses ShinRa’s behavior. The reactors—”

Cloud didn’t even scowl, instead looking at Derrick with an uncharacteristically hard stare. “Without the reactors, there’d be no manufactured materia for you to sell. There’d be no electricity in this room, and Midgar as we know it wouldn’t exist.”

“So it’s okay to kill the planet just so we can have a light over our heads?”

“Reactor processes are classified, but you’re clearly not watching the news if you still think they’re bad for the environment. ShinRa phased out the old generation system years ago, and anyone telling you otherwise doesn’t have the facts.”

“Why should I believe _your_ facts over anyone else’s?”

“Because mine are actual facts. It’s a matter of public record—look it up instead of perpetuating conspiracy theories. ShinRa’s definitely not perfect, but not for the reasons you seem to think.”

There was a tense pause in the air, Cloud and Derrick in a stare off while Zack and Chris sat in awkward silence. It was Chris who broke the deadlock though, clearing his throat. “Maybe we should talk about something lighter. This is supposed to be a fun night out!”

“Yeah, you’re right, babe,” Derrick agreed with his first smile of the night. “There’s no point in talking about this when there’s so much bias in the room anyway.”

“You’re right. Someone biased against ShinRa shouldn’t be having this conversation with two of ShinRa’s employees. Or is it three?” Cloud wondered, smiling a bit as he eyed Chris. “I thought Zack told me you worked for one of the law firms in Sector One? Heidegger’s?”

“That’s right,” Chris confirmed with an uneasy smile.

“What’s that have to do with ShinRa?” Derrick asked, looking between Chris and Cloud.

“Well, babe. I told you when I took the job, ShinRa might be one of our clients. Remember?”

“…Yeah.”

“It turns out, they’re our client because they own the firm. Heidegger came straight from their executive board.”

The silence that followed was more awkward than the previous, and it was only when the waiter arrived to take everyone’s order that Cloud realized he’d gone too far. His ‘date’ didn’t even spare him a glance until long after the food arrived.

**\-----**

By the time Zack parked his bike in the parking garage by headquarters, he still hadn’t quite figured out what to say to Cloud about the night’s events. So he didn’t say anything. They walked in silence, the First sticking by Cloud’s side as if it were a real date and he needed to be accompanied to his door.

It wasn’t until they got there and Cloud looked up at him with sad eyes that he knew it was time to talk about what had happened.

“I’m sorry,” Cloud blurted out, slumping in defeat. “It’s just, the things he was saying and the way he was _looking_ at you…At us, really. I can’t stand people like him.”

“I never woulda pegged you as a no bullshit kinda dude, Spike.”

“I try to be polite with everyone, but he was obnoxious. He was baiting you, and he was flat out wrong about everything he was saying. But I know that wasn’t the point of tonight, so I really am sorry,” he apologized again, hanging his head a little.

“Cloud,” Zack muttered, letting out a short sigh. “Do you even realize how badly I wanna punch that guy in the face? _Weeks_ of wanting to wipe that smug look away, and you did it in less than a minute without raising a hand. I don’t want an apology from you, I wanna _thank_ you.”

“You…do?”

“Yeah, I do. Plus, the way you went off on him was fuckin’ hot. I know Chris well enough to know even he was impressed, and he _likes_ Derrick.”

Cloud snorted at that, face red as he looked at Zack. “Impressing your ex-boyfriend wasn’t part of the plan. I was supposed to be making you look good, remember?”

“Yeah, and you did. _And_ I got to talk to Chris one on one,” Zack reminded him, smiling broadly at the memory. He’d excused himself to go to the restroom at one point, his ex-boyfriend trailing after him just to apologize for Derrick’s irrational behavior. “Tonight was just what I needed.”

“He’s definitely into you still.”

“What makes you say that?” Zack asked, curious and hopeful all at once.

“Uh, he wouldn’t push some double date that his boyfriend clearly wasn’t interested in if he wasn’t set on seeing you. It had nothing to do with me, or wanting you to move on. I saw how he was eyeing you when he thought no one was looking.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Cloud said, smiling a little. “He’s a really nice guy, too. Unlike the jackass he brought with him.”

Zack snorted. “I’m glad it’s not just me who can’t stand that guy. Chris swears up and down he’s not like that except around me, but I dunno. I’m not used to disliking people so much.”

“Well, I am, and—what’re you laughing at?” Cloud asked, hands on his hips as Zack tried to hold back his chuckles.

It was just so _weird_ to think about. Maybe a few weeks ago he would’ve assumed any mini-Genesis would have a strong distaste for most people, but now? Now he kind of knew Cloud better, and what he knew was so different. Sure, he could get shit done when he had a sword in hand and a task in mind, but he just didn’t seem the type to be saying things like that. He was quiet around people he didn't know well, and nice to those he  _did._

“I’m sorry,” Zack managed, once his laughter had mostly died down. “It’s just, maybe you have more of Gen’s qualities than you think.”

“As long as you’re not talking about the drama or tendency to light things on fire, I’m gonna take that as a compliment. Gen’s great.”

“He is. And, uh, from what I remember, you prefer ice over fire.”

“Angeal told you about that?” Cloud asked, eyes wide. “I cleaned it up!”

“Wait, what? I’m talkin’ about the train incident. What’re you talkin’ about?”

Cloud opened his mouth before shutting it promptly. “Nothing,” he settled on, shrugging when Zack arched a brow. “I’m from Nibelheim, remember? I like cold weather.”

Zack snorted yet again, the same way he usually did when he heard that ridiculous town name. “Right, Nibelheim. You know, you and me aren’t so different either. You might hate everyone, and I might like everyone, but we’re kinda reversing that lately, yeah? And we’re both backwater experts!”

The blond’s smile was brighter than Zack had ever seen in that moment, happy and genuine as he met Zack’s eyes. “Wanna hang out a while? Tonight kinda sucked, but we’ve got a few hours to turn that around still.”

He was nodding his head before he’d even decided, “Yeah, sounds good. You wanna stay here, or go back to my place?”

“Here,” Cloud decided on the spot, catching Zack off guard. Who wanted to hangout in a Second Class apartment when they could go to a First’s apartment? “Unless you have the new Saucer VR?”

Zack quirked a brow at the mention of the most sought-out gaming system in the city. “That system just came out last night. No one has it yet, it’s sold out.”

Cloud smirked. “We’re staying here.”

“You’re kidding,” he mumbled, following Cloud inside the apartment eagerly now. The space mirrored his old apartment, bringing on a quick wave of nostalgia before his eyes landed on the system in question. “No way! How’d you even—”

“Gen knew a guy, and I decided it was time to cash in a couple favors.”

“ _Genesis_ owed you a favor?”

“Uh, yeah. Who do you think really waters all Angeal’s plants when he leaves the city?”

“Yeah, but you’re his student. He prob’ly orders you to do all sorts of weird shit.”

“Yeah, and I tell him no. We both know it’s outside the scope of his mentorship—I think that’s half the reason he tries. He would’ve gotten rid of me a long time ago if I didn’t learn to fight back when he pulls that kinda thing.”

“Man, I was so wrong about you,” Zack said, laughing at the thought of any Third telling Genesis Rhapsodos _no._ Or Second, in this case, but who knew when all that started? “What games do you have?”

“Only two,” the blond responded, deflating a little. “Most were sold out.”

“You got Chocobo Chasers?” Zack asked, a bit more hopeful than intended judging by the amused look on Cloud’s face as he nodded. “You got beer?”

“Uh, I’m _19,”_ Cloud reminded the elder SOLDIER with furrowed brows.

“I’m just kidding, Spike! We definitely don’t need beer. I call dibs on the green team!”

“Hey!” he exclaimed in clear objection. Zack was too busy plopping down on the couch and sliding the VR mask over his eyes to care. “This is _my_ place! That means it’s my rules!”

“Nah, I’m the guest. That means I get special treatment.”

“Right, like you gave me special treatment when we were gaming at your place during _training,”_ Cloud grumbled, taking a seat by Zack’s side and muttering something about him being a dirty cheater. And, okay, maybe the kid had a point. That was part of the training though! “I hope you know I’m still gonna whoop your ass, guest or not. I played this all day today.”

“Challenge accepted,” Zack said with a smirk, more than ready to get started.

Just because he’d never used the system before didn’t mean he wasn’t a fast learner. He was the original golden boy, after all.

It was a shame all ‘dates’ didn’t go this well.

**\-----**

When Zack first suggested the whole ‘dating’ scheme, Cloud had been understandably skeptical. Not just because he and Zack hadn’t gotten off on the right foot, but because it seemed like a questionable idea. Lying never ended well, in his experience. Lying to a loved one was even worse, and that was what Chris was supposed to be for Zack. That was why it was supposed to be a temporary agreement—a onetime deal, as he was expecting it to go horribly wrong.

Yet here he was, four ‘dates’ in and hanging out _alone_ with Chris while they waited for one of Zack’s classes to end.

What could he say? Zack’s ex-boyfriend was a good guy, and he couldn’t help wanting to get him away from Derrick. That man was intolerable, plus controlling and manipulative. Regardless of whether Zack ever won Chris back, it felt like getting Chris out of that relationship was the right thing to do.

“He’s just paranoid when it comes to Zack,” Chris explained with a hopeless frown. “He doesn’t act like that usually.”

“But he does sometimes,” Cloud concluded, raising a brow. “Even when you’re not with us.”

“It’s not like that. Sometimes I’ll just say things…”

He reached out on reflex, a reassuring hand on Chris’ shoulder. The guy obviously needed to get this off his chest. “Like what?”

“Like, we’ll go to a restaurant, and I’ll mention how I’ve been there before. It just slips out, and he _knows_ that means back when I was with Zack. It ruins the whole night.”

“I don’t get why he’s so jealous. Zack’s been back for a while now and nothing’s happened with you two.”

“Yeah, but he’s _Zack._ If Derrick had an ex like that, I’d probably be insecure too. Especially if they were trying to be friends the way Zack and I are.”

Cloud frowned, but found himself nodding in understanding. “Still, he shouldn’t act like that. Jealousy isn’t an excuse to be a jerk.”

“Yeah, but you’ve gotta think, there’s _you,_ too.”

“Me?” Cloud responded, snorting. “What do I have to do with any of this?”

“He looks at Zack like this perfect guy, with this perfect life…having me was the one thing Derrick had that made him feel equal, but then Zack showed up with _you.”_ Chris eyed him appraisingly, laughing softly as Cloud tried his best not to scoff at the terrible logic Derrick apparently used. “I’m nothing compared to you.”

“What’re you even talking about? You’re successful—way more so than me. I’m at the bottom of the totem pole in what I do, and, uh, I’m kind of closed off when it comes to people. You’re easy to talk to. Warm and kind. I’m awkward.”

“I’m ordinary,” Chris argued, gesturing to himself in a disgruntled way. “ _Plain._ Maybe I’m a few of the things you said, but you’re on a whole different level. And you’re a SOLDIER. You get to go on all those adventures—you and Zack understand each other in ways I never could.”

“I thought you didn’t really like SOLDIER. What we stand for.”

“I said those things to Zack when I was upset. When I didn’t know _what_ to think, except that I needed to justify ending things with someone I still loved. It’s…complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Cloud countered with a shrug. “If you love him—”

“No, no! I loved him at the time. Now I’m moving on. That’s why I’m glad he has you. I was really worried about him when he first got back—he kept calling, and he’d stop by…He doesn’t do those things anymore.”

“You know we’re not serious, right?”

“Zack’s mentioned that. That’s why this is so easy, right?”

“Yeah,” Cloud agreed, keeping his expression as neutral as possible. “I guess it’d be a bit weirder talking to you if I was into him more.”

“So you get it then. Why Derrick seems like a jerk.”

“Uh, I didn’t say I’d be a jerk. I said it’d be a bit weird.”

“Everyone responds to weird situations differently though. Plus, he’s gotten better. I think he only made _one_ passive aggressive comment on that last date,” Chris joked, smirking when Cloud couldn’t hold back a laugh. “I’m glad Zack found someone like you. Serious or not, you seem like a good fit. You understand him.”

“I still can’t believe all this is happening,” Cloud admitted honestly. “Zack’s someone I’ve looked up to for a long time now, so it’s all a bit surreal.”

Chris scrunched his nose. “Were you one of his fans?”

“Nah, I wouldn’t say that. Admirer, maybe, but I didn’t go join a club. To be honest, all the SOLDIER fan clubs kinda creep me out. We go out and kill things for a living. People, sometimes. It’s not entertainment, and the fact so many people create this fantasy in their heads about Sephiroth or whoever else, it’s kinda distasteful.”

“Don’t you think some of that’s ShinRa’s fault though? They put his image out there every chance they get, and he’s not the only one. Just because they’re not on TV doesn’t mean they aren’t celebrities in their own right.”

Cloud hummed thoughtfully. “I agree ShinRa makes it easy for people to get the wrong idea, yeah. That’s why I came to the city in the first place—I wanted to be like Sephiroth after one of his big recruitment campaigns. I guess now I just know better.”

“It was kinda weird when I’d be out with Zack, and someone would come to get his autograph or say something to him,” Chris said, looking oddly fond for someone who was talking about something unpleasant. “I think I understand more now that I’m not with him. At the time, I just wanted him all for myself.”

“I guess I don’t blame you. He’s not really the kind of guy anyone can have for themselves though—he’s got that…” Cloud paused, shaking his head as he couldn’t quite grasp the word he wanted. “That _thing._ You know what I mean?”

“He’s infectious,” Chris agreed easily. “Lights up entire rooms.”

“Yeah, he’s—” He cut himself off, straightening where he sat as his ears picked up on the obvious boot shuffle approaching the door. “He’s here.”

Before Chris could even open his mouth to respond, there was a knock on the door, the blond jumping up to answer as if it were his own place. Chris didn’t seem to mind, openly amused by Cloud’s enthusiasm as the door swung open and Zack came into sight.

“You’re late,” Cloud accused, hands on his hip.

Zack just smirked, completely unapologetic. “I brought pizza!”

**\-----**

Between Cloud’s missions and his own classes, their ‘dating’ schedule had become somewhat irregular. The odd thing about that was, he found himself missing the blond when too much time passed—to the point where he’d show up at the kid’s door just to hangout regardless of Chris or any official plans either had. They went on impromptu outings and dinners more than they went out on planned ones with Chris and Derrick, which was surprisingly nice.

When he’d first told Cloud how much he needed a new friend who would give him a clean slate, he hadn’t quite realized how desperately he’d _meant it._ Naturally the whole situation made his old friends curious though.

“So, you really like him, huh?” Kunsel concluded, not holding back his _I told you so_ grin.

“I feel like myself with him,” Zack admitted simply. “Like I don’t have to fake it when he’s around.”

“I told you he’s a good kid.”

“I already said you were right. What more do you want?”

“I want to know what’s really going on. You know what people are saying about you two, right?”

Zack sighed. “Kuns…I stopped listening to people years ago.”

“They say you’re dating. For real,” Kunsel revealed, which wasn’t an entirely shocking revelation. Just because he wasn’t listening didn’t mean he couldn’t _hear_ some of the whispers going around when he was out with his newest friend. “They say Cloud had to drop your class because you were both worried how it might look.”

“That’s bullshit. He dropped my class ‘cause I was an asshole, and that’s all there is to it. I just got lucky he ended up bein’ as cool as you told me he was.”

“So you’re still just friends?”

“Yep,” Zack confirmed with a nod. Why two people who got along so well couldn’t be _just friends_ was mind boggling to him—he’d been friends with plenty of people over the years, after all. Fun, kind, and attractive people just like Cloud. The only one who’d ever really meant more was Chris, and that still hadn’t changed. “Cloud knows how it is between us. He wants me and Chris to get back together.”

Kunsel scowled. “I doubt that.”

“Well, he does. He agrees Derrick’s an ass, and—”

“Thinking that guy’s an ass doesn’t mean he wants you and Chris to get back together.”

“He and Chris are friends now. Or, friendly at least.”

“You know...” Kunsel started, slow and thoughtful like he was trying to choose just the right words. “Liking Chris is different from agreeing you should get back together.”

“He’s never said otherwise.”

“Yeah, because he probably thinks it’s not his place.”

Zack shrugged at that. “Maybe it’s not. Just like it’s not your place, or Angeal’s, or anyone else’s. Whatever happens with that is between me and Chris.”

“Didn’t you kind of _make_ it Cloud’s business when you pulled him into all this?”

“Nope. Cloud and I are good—we talked about all this.”

Kunsel stared at him a long moment, but thankfully shook his head rather than saying whatever else was clearly on his mind. “Just remember he’s my friend, too. I want you both to be happy.”

“I want him to be happy, too,” Zack replied easily, shrugging because wasn’t that obvious? It seemed like Cloud already _was_ happy, more so as the days went by. A bit overworked, but that was just part of the routine as a SOLDIER. “Don’t you have reports to turn in or something?”

“Yeah, actually,” Kunsel confirmed, snatching up the paperwork he’d brought along to Zack’s. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”

Zack frowned in confusion before it dawned on him—they’d made plans to hangout. Something about how he spent all his time in class or with Cloud these days. “Yeah, definitely. I’ll meet you in the lobby after my last class.”

“He’s got the VR booked for another hour,” Kunsel said casually, already on his way out the door.

It took Zack a minute to process what his friend was talking about, and far less than that to hop to his feet. Life as an instructor was kind of boring—it was good having people to hang around during his free time again. All he grabbed was his ID card before headed out, making sure to move quickly enough that no one bugged him in the halls.

Just because he was feeling normal around his friends didn’t mean he was feeling up to his old social standards just yet. Aside from helping out the Thirds in his classes, he really didn’t have much contact with anyone other than the usuals—Angeal, Kunsel, and a few others. Cloud, of course, and Chris as often as possible.

All it took was the slide of a keycard to get into the VR room, his First Class status giving him priority entry despite it being ‘booked’ for Cloud’s use. What was surprising was, Cloud wasn’t in the middle of the room with the equipment hooked up as he worked through whatever training program he’d plugged into the system.

No, he was in the corner, lying down on a mound of _snow._

“Are you making snow angels?” Zack asked, watching with amusement as Cloud startled into an upright sitting position.

“Nah, I already did that. I’m just lying down now,” Cloud explained, hand on the back of his neck as Zack approached tentatively. “You think it’s weird?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s definitely weird,” he confirmed with a smile. “Kinda cute though.”

The blond scowled. “It’s not cute, it’s—”

“It’s cute,” Zack interjected, winking at the annoyed huff before plopping down onto the fluffy mound beside his friend. “You know, when you told me about Angeal catchin’ you do this, I thought you said you stopped after that.”

“No, I stopped doing it while I wasn’t authorized. I’m allowed to use materia whenever I want now,” Cloud explained with a shrug.

“And you do it in the VR because…?”

“More private than the training rooms. I learned my lesson after Angeal walked in that one time.”

“Technically he could walk in here just like I did.”

“Yeah, but only asshole Firsts walk in on booked times.”

“Is that what I am?” Zack replied, chuckling softly as Cloud gave an amused nod. “Maybe I should leave then.”

“Stay,” Cloud countered, fisting just enough snow to toss a handful at his friend’s face. “I could use the company.”

“You’re about to get a lot more than company,” he warned as he began making his own snow ball.

“Just because you’re a First doesn’t mean you’d win this. I’m from _Nibelheim,_ remember? I bet I could beat even Sephiroth in a snowball fight.”

Zack barked out a laugh as he imagine Cloud chucking a snow ball right in Sephiroth’s face. “He’d be too surprised to know how to react.”

“As long as he didn’t draw his sword, I’d probably be fine.”

“Probably. I dunno though, he’s got quick reflexes—he might catch the damn thing before it actually hits him.”

“Nah, I’m good at stealth attacks when it comes to this. Plus, I’ve got an innocent face. He’d never see it coming.”

“Why’re you here?” Zack wondered, still smiling as the whole scene played out in his head.

“I didn’t have anything planned today.”

“You coulda come see me!”

“You said you were planning for your next bunch of classes.”

“Yeah, well, you still coulda shown up. It’s not like it takes long to plan out sword lessons.”

“I guess I needed time to think,” Cloud admitted slowly. “It’s finally catching up to me—all of this.”

“SOLDIER, you mean?”

“Yeah. I have everything I ever wanted now. Even if I never make First, I’ve come so far…This is the first time I’ve really stopped to think about it all since I started missions.”

“They keep you pretty busy, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Missions, training, missions…Zack remembered the routine all too well as a beginner. “Is it everything you hoped it’d be?”

Cloud stared at him for a long minute before ultimately nodding his head. “It’s getting there. The missions aren’t as glamorous, and I’m not always helping people directly, but…” He shrugged. “It feels like I’m making a difference still. That I’m working toward something bigger.”

“Good. Don’t ever lose that way of thinking. This job’s hard enough when you don’t stop and question it all.”

“One piece of advice…no, an order,” Cloud said, his voice distant and soft. “Embrace your dreams.”

Zack furrowed his brows, his heart stilling at words he recognized all too well. Words Angeal had hammered into his mind, and words he’d come to understand—to pass along to troopers and SOLDIER rookies before missions and at all ShinRa’s silly ceremonies.

“And, whatever happens, protect your SOLDIER honor,” he finished, holding Cloud’s gaze. “That’s good advice.”

“It wasn’t all you had to say the day we met. Or, I guess it’s more like the day I first saw you up close—we didn’t really meet.”

“When you were a trooper?” he assumed, racking his brain for some recollection. Between the uniform and helmet, Cloud would’ve been unidentifiable. “I’m sorry, I don’t—”

“I know. I was just another helmet in the crowd,” Cloud said, smiling wistfully. “You were everything though. Everything I ever wanted to be, telling me that I could be too if I just hung in there. I’d given up on SOLDIER until that day. I don’t even know where I’d be right now if it weren’t for you.”

“Shit, Spike…” His heart panged as he saw the appreciation in his friend’s eyes, so many things making so much more sense to him now. And, man. To think _he_ may have had something to do with Cloud being here right now—with Cloud deciding to try for SOLDIER.  And then he’d been a complete ass to the kid for no apparent reason. “I’m glad you gave SOLDIER another chance. I can’t imagine this place without you.”

Cloud snorted. “You were doing well here long before I ever showed up.”

“Yeah, but it was boring before you. It was all about the work and promotions—impressing people. Yeah, I had friends, but it was easy to lose sight of the real goal, you know? Helping people.” Zack paused there, closing his eyes as an array of emotions tore through him. He’d really lost it for a while there…his SOLDIER honor. His dreams. “I feel like I found myself again, and a lotta that’s because I have _you_ as a friend.”

“You’re giving me way too much credit.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever given you _enough_ credit,” he countered, daring Cloud to say otherwise. The blond looked unamused, but eventually his expression softened when he realized Zack wasn’t caving on this one. Zack smiled back before lying down, arms and legs spread wide. “You know, I never really liked the snow much.”

Cloud stared down at him curiously. “And now?”

“I’m still not convinced this is relaxing,” he admitted with a laugh.

His amusement was short-lived as he took another snowball to the face.

**\-----**

“Come on,” Cloud urged, nudging his mentor with a grin. “Say it.”

Naturally Genesis hmphed in response. “I refuse.”

“You know it’s true! You’re _proud_ of me.”

“How can I be proud when it took you a full two weeks longer than Zack Fair to finish your group mission hours?”

“Why do you always call him by his full name when you go on these ‘he’s the enemy’ rants?” Cloud wondered, hands on his hip.

“Because, dearest, history doesn’t remember anyone by their first name alone.”

“Not even Sephiroth?”

His mentor rolled his eyes, but Cloud could still see the fondness on his face. “I stand corrected. History only remembers those with outrageous first names by that name alone. The rest of us simpletons aren’t so lucky.”

“And so, since Zack finished his first set of missions faster than me, he’s the one history’s going to remember?”

“Precisely. Now you’re weeks behind on your first set of solo missions! One more set back, and you may never catch up. The only advantage we have is that you’ve already received your first promotion.”

Cloud shook his head, but couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. There was something special about Genesis, that was for sure. “I finished faster than the other Thirds still.”

“The other _Thirds,”_ Genesis repeated in a huff. “You’re a Second Class SOLDIER. You’re expected to finish before them.”

“It’s not like I cancelled any missions. Lazard rescheduled me!”

“Yes, because _Zack Fair_ asked him to, and Gaia forbid Lazard turn down a request from his favorite instructor! You’re naivety is getting the best of you, dear. Zack knows about our little contest, and he’s playing underhanded to win.”

“Or, I wouldn’t let him borrow my Saucer VR, so he plotted to keep me here so he could come over since he’s stuck in the city.”

“So we agree then. He’s plotting against us.”

Cloud stared at his mentor blankly before giving up on the conversation entirely, walking right into the man’s personal space and taking the hug he knew Genesis was withholding from him. Sure enough, the redhead’s arms were around him a moment later, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

“I suppose you’re right,” Genesis conceded. “I _am_ proud to see my hard work paying off, slowly but surely.”

“We make a pretty good team,” Cloud agreed, smiling up at his mentor. “It only gets harder from here, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, it does. We’ll only be working on advanced techniques from here on out—that means no more using Shiva as your fall back. I’ll expect to see a limit break every day, and the highest tier Cures you can manage. You won’t be allowed to lead men until you’ve managed to meet those criterion, and then some.”

“I don’t see why I can’t use Shiva still.”

“You mastered her ages ago, dearest. It’s time you show true competence as a summoner, and I’ve got just the right test for you whenever you’re ready.”

Cloud raised a brow, taking a tentative step back. “You’re not giving me a shot with your Bahamut materia, are you?”

Genesis snorted. “No, absolutely not. While I have the utmost faith you’ll be able to contain Bahamut someday, I can say with certainty that day isn’t today. I’ve something a bit more manageable in mind, and I think you’ll be interested.”

“What is it?”

The redhead pulled a materia from his coat pocket, holding it between two fingers as he eyed it appreciatively. “I did some reading on the local lore back in your hometown. There was an old tale about a constellation—one named from a local god from ages past. Odin.”

“I know the stories,” Cloud said, heart suddenly beating faster in his chest as he looked at the materia as well. “Are you saying that’s…?”

“Sephiroth found this materia in an abandoned facility during his last visit to your hometown. None of us have managed to call forth this summon—in fact, we only know it’s a summon due to its color. I feel nothing when I hold this materia.”

“Can I hold it?” he asked hopefully, reaching out before permission was granted.

Genesis closed his hand around the materia, shaking his head solemnly. “Not today, dearest. You’ve already completed our training regime, and I don’t intend to push you further than necessary just yet. Tomorrow the real work begins.”

“Odin saved Nibelheim,” Cloud said, his mind reeling from the old tales he’d heard growing up. “Back in the founding days. He—”

“Odin may have been responsible for saving your village, but he was never truly a Nibel god, Cloud. Summons are—”

“Manifestations of mako, mingled with the souls of old.”

“Souls of old _what?”_

“Men, women, beasts—even chocobos.”

“Very good. And just as materia itself can take on certain elements based on the conditions of its creation, summons do the same. The soul of the creature within mixed with those conditions creates a unique manifestation, only possible—”

“With the pull of mana from a worthy caster,” Cloud finished, having heard this on more than one occasion. He’d read it, too. Materia theory was definitely Genesis’ favorite subject, and the fact their capabilities varied so drastically continued to be of interest to his mentor. “You think I’ll be able to summon Odin because I’m from Nibelheim, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. Assuming we’re correct in our assumption that it’s Odin. As we’ve yet to get any reaction from the materia, I can only theorize.”

“So if you’re right, you don’t even know what he’ll do if I call him?” he realized, brows furrowed. For some reason, it only made him want to try even more when Genesis confirmed it with a nod. “They say he wielded an epic blade—Gungnir.”

“And he rode a horse, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Yeah! Sleipnir. Come on, Gen, let me try now! I’m not gonna be able to sleep if I don’t know.”

“Don’t you have a date to get to this evening?” Genesis challenged, eyeing him expectantly.

His face went red under that knowing stare, though he was a bit confused how Genesis _knew._ “I’m hanging out with Zack. I told you, we’re friends now! He apologized, and—”

“And you agreed to be the pretty young man he shows off in front of his ex-boyfriend.”

“That’s not exactly what happened.”

“Oh? Perhaps you’d care to enlighten me then, seeing as I heard the news from Kunsel of all people rather than _you,”_ Genesis said, pointed and clearly annoyed. “You’re smarter than this, Cloud. Surely you can see what a terrible idea this is for all who’re involved.”

“There was a misunderstanding a while back,” he explained quietly, letting out a sigh. “It was just supposed to be one date so Zack could show he was moving on—start seeing Chris again as friends, you know? But then we had so much fun, I thought—”

“Zack is only going to be disappointed in the end because what he wants no longer exists. And how do you think Chris will feel if he learns of this?” Genesis pressed, tsking. “Betrayed by a man who claims to love him. And you, my dear…You’re only going to hurt yourself. I know how you feel about him.”

“We’re friends, Gen. We’re having _fun!_ It took a long time to get to this point, and I’m not gonna stop just because you think it’s a bad idea. No one’s going to be hurt.”

“Really? You’re telling me you wouldn’t feel devastated if Chris and Zack got back together tomorrow?”

“Only if Zack stopped hanging out with me entirely,” Cloud responded with a shrug. “I _want_ them to get back together! Chris is an awesome guy, and Zack’s just…he’s everything I always thought he was. I’ve never had someone I connected with like him, and you of all people know how much I needed a friend around here.”

“I’m not sufficient company?”

“Don’t be so dramatic. You know I’m right! You sent Angeal to check up on me every time you went out on my nights off because you knew I was struggling to fit in around here. You knew what everyone else was saying about me, and how they kept their distance. Now they respect me _and_ I have some friends. How is that a bad thing?”

“It’s not your friendship that concerns me, it’s the deception. I trust you’re aware what they’re saying around SOLDIER? Chris isn’t the only one who seems to think you and Zack are an item.”

Cloud’s eyes went wide at that, unaware of any rumors. Usually he was privy to all the gossip and hushed whispers, but his focus had definitely been elsewhere lately. “That makes no sense. We barely act like a couple on our dates, let alone when we’re around the tower.”

“Yes, well, when someone like Zack shuts himself off from the entire program, people tend to notice who’s by his side when he reemerges as himself, dear. And he has, for the most part. I haven’t seen him this happy since before he left for Wutai.”

“Because he’s making progress with Chris,” Cloud explained simply. “They’re starting to hang out again outside of our dates.”

“Because of _you._ You’re the one they see by his side when he’s out and about. You’re the one spotted with him at restaurants. Did you truly think it wouldn’t draw anyone’s attention after the way he treated you in his course? From the moment you were spotted together outside of the training room, all eyes were on you.”

“Gen…I appreciate your concern, but I’m okay. I know what’s going on with Zack and me, and that’s what matters. We’re friends—that’s all he wants, and it’s all I want. He’s a great guy, but the more time we spend together…”

Genesis frowned. “What?”

“The more I know that’s all there is between us. And I’m okay with that!” he insisted, having entertained thoughts of something _more_ already. It was natural, he thought. The two of them did have some chemistry, but that didn’t really mean anything. There was just something about Zack that screamed _friend_ rather than boyfriend, at least for Cloud. “Don’t get me wrong, I still think he’s good looking and funny, and a lot of things I’d want in a boyfriend. But he’s also in love with Chris, and that’s not a quality I look for when I think about dating for real.”

“Hm, I suppose. Just promise me you’ll tread carefully. I like gossip as much as the next person, and trust me when I say, I know how stories like this typically end.”

“I’m not going to fall for him.”

“I didn’t ask you not to fall for him, I asked you to be careful.”

Cloud smiled warmly, not sure he understood the difference. “I’ll be careful.”

**\-----**

Zack tried his best to refrain from rolling his eyes, knowing that wouldn’t go over well with Genesis. It was hard though, especially when he knew the man had _just_ had the same conversation with Cloud not two days ago. Cloud had told him all about it, and they’re shared a good laugh.

Clearly Genesis wasn’t so amused by the subject.

“He’s a SOLDIER, Gen. He doesn’t need your protection.”

“He is far more than a SOLDIER, Zack. He’s precious to me,” Genesis said, his tone laced with warning. “If you hurt him, our friendship won’t save you from my wrath.”

“I won’t hurt him! He knows what’s going on between us isn’t romantic. It’s not even physical! We’re literally just friends. Even on our fake dates, it’s nothing. We like spending time together, and it’s not up to us whatever else people wanna assume.”

“What you allow people to assume is entirely up to you, Zack. Don’t act as if it’s an accident anymore.”

“Gen…What do you want from me?” Zack wondered, tilting his head in confusion. “First you come here telling me I’m a fool—that he’s a good kid. Now you’re mad that I decided you were right?”

“I know Cloud seems composed and confident around you, but the reality is, he’s idolized you for far longer than I’m sure he’s admitted.”

“Actually, he _has_ told me all about that. We talk about everything.”

“You’re taking advantage of the debt he feels he owes you.”

Zack furrowed his brows. “By being his friend?”

“There’s not much he wouldn’t do for you, whether he truly believes it’s a good idea or not.”

“You’re not givin’ him enough credit,” Zack insisted, firm in his position. “He told me to my face I was an asshole. If he used to idolize me, he doesn’t anymore. He gets that I’m just human, and that I make mistakes like everyone else. He gets that I’m in love with Chris, and this thing between us is just friendship.”

“Unbelievable. When Kunsel told me it was about him, I’d hoped he was mistaken. I can’t believe you intend to break my student’s heart over that fool! Especially after all we’ve discussed. You need to let him go, Zack.”

“It’s not like what happened with your ex. There’s still something between us.”

“Oh? I suppose Chris told you that?”

“Well, no, but—”

“I’m sorry, Zack, but there’s nothing between you anymore. Nothing other than an innocent bystander who doesn’t deserve to get caught up in the middle of whatever fantasy you’re having.”

Genesis’ PHS dinged before he could continue his lecture, his eyes narrowed with annoyance as he scanned it over. Then they widened, and Zack found himself growing more curious by the second.

“What is it? Did something happen?”

“He’s going to surpass us all,” Genesis muttered, too soft for his usual boasting.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I’ve just missed the first summon of Odin in recent history, and it’s entirely your fault!” Genesis snapped, glaring up from his PHS. “If you don’t heed my advice after all this, there _will_ be consequences.”

And with that, he stormed off, leaving Zack dumbfounded and alone in his apartment.

Odin?

“Shit,” Zack mumbled, remembering where he’d heard that name before. It was something Cloud had been going on about—a summon Sephiroth had found in Nibelheim, and one no one in the tower had managed to call. There was more, but he’d been too distracted with his own issues to really process it all.

Maybe that _did_ make him a bad friend. It didn’t mean Genesis was right though. When it came to him and Cloud’s ‘relationship’, he always paid close attention to their conversations. They were definitely on the same page every time, and Cloud hadn’t so much as _looked_ at him with a hint of desire. Fondness maybe, but he’d grown fond of his new friend, too.

Plus, Cloud wouldn’t have blown him off to get in extra materia training if he still considered Zack and idol or crush rather than a friend.

Confident with his logic, he shot his friend a quick _congrats_ text, sure he’d hear more about it sooner rather than later. That was just how they were now—quick to respond to each other when Cloud wasn’t on a mission and Zack wasn’t in class.

…Except this time, apparently.

Twenty minutes later, he was wondering why Cloud blew him off in the first place. It wasn’t like they had to goof around or do ‘boyfriend’ things all the time. Obviously Cloud had been excited to test out Odin, but Zack would’ve been happy to tag along and help. Materia wasn’t really his thing, but that didn’t mean he was useless with it.

And there was still no response to his text message. Zack grumbled to himself, annoyed by his sudden dependence on Cloud. It wasn’t like he didn’t have other friends. What did it matter if one person blew him off once?

That was how he found himself dialing Kunsel, pleased when his other friend picked up after only one ring. “Hey, man.”

“Hey. What’re you up to? I’ve got some time to kill, if you wanna do somethin’,” Zack suggested, vague and not actually having much in mind. That wasn’t the point. Kunsel always knew about some event or party or show anyway.

“I can’t,” Kunsel responded apologetically. “I’m in the training room, and it’s crazy right now. You should come down here!”

“What’s happening in the training room?”

“Cloud summoned _Odin,_ and we’re trying to figure out what he does other than looking scary as shit. Gen wanted to call Bahamut and let ‘em hash it out, but Sephiroth just showed up!” There was a pause then, Zack frowning deeply—why was everyone else invited? “Holy shit, he’s drawing his sword. You need to get down here! We might never get to see something like this ever again.”

Judging by the sound of battle in the background, it’d be too late by the time Zack arrived anyway.

“Wow,” Kunsel muttered, clearly impressed by whatever he was seeing. “So, uh. Sephiroth won, but damn. I’ve never seen the guy take a hit before.”

“Sephiroth took a hit?”

“Yeah. He’s fine, obviously,” Kunsel elaborated somewhat distractedly. “Gen’s scolding him now, and Cloud…”

Zack’s heart jumped nervously, and he found himself headed out the door and toward the elevator. Better late than never. “He’s okay, right? Seph just went after Odin, not him?”

“Well, yeah, but he’s drained. I think he tried to hold the cast too long. He’s saying some weird things, hold on.”

It was muffled, but he could still hear most of what his friend was saying—something about Odin holding back his big move because it wouldn’t land on Sephiroth anyway.  That they’d barely scratched the surface of Odin’s potential.

Zack was off the elevator at that point, a smile taking over his worried features as he heard the next bit of Cloud’s scattered assertions— _I can’t wait to tell Zack!_

**\-----**

It wasn’t like Cloud still cared what everyone in SOLDIER thought about him, but it was a bit much when he felt the eyes of so many watching his every move. Particularly when he was out and about with Zack. Ever since Genesis had mentioned the rumors, it was impossible not to notice the looks and whispers. Had he really been so caught up in their friendship that he hadn’t noticed it all this time? Normally he was _too_ aware of the rumors and speculation around the tower.

“What’s the big deal?” Zack wondered, raising a brow as they ate in the chow hall.

Because, of course, Zack had decided there was no need to hide in either of their apartments—that people could think what they wanted. That _they_ knew the truth, and that was all that mattered.

“The big deal?” he scoffed in response. “I don’t know if you forgot, but everyone already thinks I’m only doing well because of Genesis. If they think I have _you_ , I could lose all the respect I managed to get these last few months. Everything I’ve done will just turn back into me being lucky and having good people to help.”

“Well, you _do_ have good people to help,” Zack said simply, tacking on a shrug. “Whether we’re dating or not, I’m still gonna be around you. I’m still gonna help you, if you need it.”

“Did it ever occur to you that’s exactly why I _don’t_ ask you for help?”

“You mean why you didn’t invite me to see the coolest summon this tower’s ever held?”

Cloud frowned, still feeling guilty about that. “It wasn’t like I actually expected it to work.”

“Or that you wouldn’t be able to call him again for so long,” Zack mused, smirking when Cloud pouted.

It was true. Odin had only been summoned once, and Cloud wasn’t sure if it was because Sephiroth had been too much for the summon, or if he’d just been too weak of a caster. No one else had any luck with the cast either, so it was impossible to know for sure.

“I can still feel it,” Cloud revealed, glancing around the room just to get everyone to look away for a moment. Once he was satisfied, he pulled the materia from his pocket, cradling it in a single palm as he looked at Zack. “Gen registered him to _me._ I don’t have to turn him back in between jobs or training.”

Zack’s eyes widened a bit before falling to the materia in the blond’s hand. “They usually only offer exclusive summon registration to Firsts—‘cause there’s no extras lyin’ around like normal materia.”

“I know. Lazard approved it because not even Sephiroth could manage. Something about the only SOLDIER who’s able should be the only one to have it, at least for now.”

Cloud nodded at the silent question in Zack’s eyes, a bit surprised when his friend reached out and covered the materia with his hand rather than taking it into his own. His brows shot up immediately, heart jumping as he imagined how it must look to the eyes that had inevitably fallen back upon them.

Again, Zack was unbothered, too focused on the materia between their hands.

“I can feel it,” Zack said, curious. “It’s weird ‘cause I’m pretty mediocre with summons. Gen’s much better.”

“Take it for a minute,” he suggested.

His friend complied, frowning as he took the materia entirely. “Yep, it’s you. Whatever I felt is gone,” he said, making a quick assessment of the materia before handing it back. “Have you summoned _anything_ since then?”

“No…Gen won’t let me work with other summons.”

“Not even Shiva?”

“Especially not Shiva. He says I rely on her too much, and that since I have that mastered, I should focus on more advanced ones,” he explained, glancing down at the materia in his hand. “You think it’s related?”

“Uh, I’m no expert, but I can go check out Shiva in my name,” Zack offered, smiling back when Cloud’s face lit up at the idea. “You’re not exactly a normal summoner, you know? Most of us just call the damn things—we force it. You actually bonded with her. You call her out to make _snow,_ Spike. No one else does that.”

“So you think it’s me?” Cloud hypothesized, considering it for a moment. He _did_ feel a strange sense of loyalty toward Shiva after all this time, but…Odin was definitely meant for him, too. When he held the materia, it was like he could feel it in his bones. “Do you think he’s rejecting me for turning away from Shiva, or that part of me just isn’t trying because I feel disloyal?”

“You’ll hafta ask Gen that one. Sorry, bud.”

“Not necessarily. If you go check her out, we can find out right now.”

“You really wanna walk into a training hall with me after this conversation?”

There was something hopeful in Zack’s tone, and despite the nagging feeling in Cloud’s stomach, not a single part of him was willing to say no. The reality was, he _did_ want to go practice with Shiva. He _did_ want to train with Zack. More than anything, he wanted to adapt Zack’s attitude about the whole situation—to just not give a damn if people thought they were together or not.

It wasn’t easy, but the first step required just doing all those things he wanted to do.

“Let’s go,” Cloud said, mustering up as much confidence as he could. Zack practically beamed at him, rising from the table and slinging a friendly arm around Cloud’s shoulders as they exited the chow hall.

It was so strange to think about how far they’d come. From not being able to hold a reasonable conversation, to walking through a crowded area like _this_ without Chris’ name coming up once in their conversation. If things could just stay this good, it really _wouldn’t_ matter what everyone else thought about him or his abilities. He’d be too happy to care, and that was something he could get used to.

**\-----**

It wasn’t that Zack meant to overhear it, but even a trained SOLDIER sometimes had the occasional, accidental eavesdrop. Granted, Cloud and Chris’ voices always tended to catch his attention…

_“I just don’t get it. Why’re you stringing him along after all this time?” Chris asked, more irritated than Zack had ever heard him._

_“Uh, I’m not? Zack and I are on the same page about our relationship.”_

_“Relationship? Is that what you call it? He’s ready to commit to you, and you just keep toying with him about it. If you’re still not ready, then maybe you should cut it off entirely instead of letting him fall further.”_

_“You’re way off base. Zack and I have an understanding. This thing between us is casual—_ mutually _casual.”_

_Chris scoffed. “Casual works for a few weeks, but it’s been way longer than that.”_

_“Look, just because you feel guilty about tearing his heart out while he was overseas doesn’t mean you get to be a commentator on_ our _relationship. What Zack and I have works for both of us right now. The rest is none of your business.”_

_“I can’t believe I was rooting for you. You don’t deserve him.”_

If that wasn’t the sound of a jealous ex-boyfriend, Zack didn’t know what was. The strange thing though, was that it didn’t make him feel good. Instead he felt torn, stomach twisted in knots. This whole ‘one date’ misunderstanding had really gotten away from him. Those two weren’t supposed to be arguing…especially not when it had felt so good to see them getting along in the first place, however unexpected that development had been.

Cloud didn’t deserve this—being lectured over some relationship that didn’t exist. And Chris…Well, Cloud really wasn’t holding back.

_“Why should I take your opinion seriously anyway? You have terrible judgment. You left Zack for a complete asshole.”_

He had to stifle a laugh, grinning at his friend’s fierce defense. Fuck. To think he hadn’t appreciated Cloud from the start. That kid never ceased to impress him.

The smile faded almost immediately though, as Chris’ retort struck home.

_“You don’t know what it’s like, loving someone so much and having them gone so often. Worrying about them constantly. Zack was everything to me, but being that person—the one waiting back home? If you want to talk about judgment, maybe you should think about how hard it was to accept that I couldn’t be that person even though every ounce of me wanted to be. To realize it was better for the both of us to end it before things went further.”_

Even Cloud had nothing to say to that. Nothing Zack could hear anyway, trying his damndest to zone out the rest of their conversation. Every day, he’d convinced himself he was getting closer to the goal. That all this was slowly paying off. Slowly getting back to the way things were supposed to be between him and Chris.

Was it all in his head? All these weeks?

“Zack,” Cloud muttered, looking at him apologetically as he opened the door to Chris’ place. It went unsaid that he’d overheard the entire argument. “Shit.”

“Just give me a hug, boyfriend,” he whispered, forcing a smile as he pulled Cloud into his arms and held on tight. “Are you storming outta here?”

“If I stay here, I’ll tell him off and then you’ll be pissed at me,” Cloud said, just loud enough for Zack to hear.

“I can’t stay if you leave, it’ll look weird.”

“So come with me. You can talk to him later.”

“Spike…The whole point of these dates is for me to see Chris.”

“You realize you’re supposed to be into _me,_ right?” Cloud asked quietly, pulling back and looking up pointedly. “Whatever. I guess it’ll prove you’re not as into me as he thinks.”

“Yeah, exactly. So I’ll stay?”

“You can do whatever you want.”

“I wanna hang out with both of you,” he admitted, frowning.

“No offense, but I’m done. This whole thing was fun at first, but now? It’s not fun and it’s not working. You heard what he said. He loves you, but not enough to make it work.”

“He loves me,” Zack repeated, quiet, but firm. “We’ll talk later, Spike.”

Cloud gave him a hard look, but nodded anyway. “Fine. Just…you’re better than this, Zack. You deserve someone who knows you’re worth the effort.”

“Relationships aren’t about what anyone deserves. It’s about what we want, and I want _him._ ”

“Well, I guess it’s your lucky day then. He broke up with Derrick.”

Zack’s eyes went wide, glancing over Cloud’s shoulder and immediately eyeing his ex-boyfriend. “What do you mean? _When?”_

“Last night. We were having a nice talk about how it was for the best before he went off on me about you.”

“We’ll talk later, okay?” Zack whispered, now somewhat urgent as he gave Cloud one last quick hug. The blond muttered his goodbyes, headed out as Zack shut the door behind him.

“You’re staying?” Chris asked, surprised.

“Yeah. Cloud said some stuff, and it sounds like you might need a friend right now.”

“I don’t understand you,” he mumbled, shaking his head almost like he was disappointed. “You have this perfect guy _waiting_ for you, and you just let him walk away!”

Zack approached the couch with determination, sitting down by his ex-boyfriends side and wondering if this was it. If he could turn this all around right here and now. There was a heavy air of familiarity, memories of the two of them on this same couch coming to mind as he met those same brown eyes he’d fallen for all those years ago.

“No one’s perfect—not even Cloud,” Zack said softly. “You need me more than he does right now.”

“He was mad…you should go with him.”

“He’s not mad, he’s just—”

“He’s right,” Chris cut in with a sigh. “I crossed a line, saying what I did to him. It’s just frustrating when I can see something so special right in front of my eyes, and you two idiots won’t just go for it!”

Zack stared blankly, wishing this were like a battle…That the best strategy would just come to him, and he could act instead of getting caught up in the details. It wasn’t though. There was no quick approach to this. No easy way to say whatever Chris saw between him and Cloud was orchestrated—that it wasn’t real.

“Anyone else would kill for what you two have,” Chris continued, shaking his head dismally.

“We don’t have anything. We’re _friends,_ Chris. We go on these dates with you, but—”

“It’s not serious,” his ex mimicked, rolling his eyes. “He told me the same thing, and I’m gonna tell _you_ the same thing. Just because you’re not serious doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be. You’ve got chemistry! The kind we never did.”

“Chris…”

Chris reached out then, taking Zack’s hand in his own before smiling just slightly. It wasn’t the kind of happy smile that got Zack to smile back though. No, this was a heartbreaking smile—sad and strained.

“Do you honestly think I don’t know what all this is?” Chris asked quietly. “These dates? At first I was hopeful, but I’m not oblivious. I see the way you at me still.”

“Then you know I’m serious when I say me and Cloud are nothing.”

“ _No,_ Zack. You and me are over,” he said firmly, his gaze unwavering. “You and Cloud haven’t even started yet. Don’t blow it over something that’ll never happen!”

“I heard what you said to Cloud. You love me. Maybe it was hard—”

“Impossible would be a better word,” Chris interjected sadly. “I know the way I handled everything was wrong, but that doesn’t mean ending it was wrong too.”

“But Derrick—”

“Was all wrong for me, I know. You were right about that. Why can’t you see _I’m_ right about this?”

Zack let out a frustrated groan, raking a hand through his hair as he shook his head hopelessly. “We love each other. That should be enough!”

“It’s not enough. Not for me, and I’m sorry about that. I really am. But don’t you get it? This isn’t the end for either of us. I need to be alone right now—to take some time to be by myself. You though, your perfect match has been there for you all this time.”

“We’re friends. That’s all me and Cloud are, and that’s all we’re ever gonna be.”

“You seem to be forgetting how well I know you, Zack. Maybe you two aren’t head over heels in love, but you could be if you just gave it a chance.”

“I need to go,” Zack realized, studying Chris carefully.

All the feelings were still there; the love, desire, and devotion. But there was pain, too. Heartbreak and uncertainty. More than anything he wanted to push through the bad to get back to the good—to the time when nothing else mattered more than each other. To live the life all his fallen comrades had wanted him to have, kicking ass and having Chris by his side through it all.

There was a finality in Chris’ words though, and it finally sunk in. No matter what he said or did, their relationship was really and truly over. It’d been over for months and months now, long before he’d returned home. He’d just been so caught up in the motions of it all—the grand plan to win Chris back…

Zack cleared his throat, the lump that had formed rendering his voice unrecognizable, “I don’t think I should see you for a while.”

“I understand,” Chris whispered, just as shaky. The tears building up in his eyes pulled at Zack’s heart, but thankfully none fell. “Maybe someday we can try to be friends again, but for now…”

“I’ll see you around,” Zack finished, rising to his feet the way he had the very first time he’d spoken those words to Chris.

The night they’d met.

“I hope so,” Chris replied, a whimsical echo of what once was.

With that, Zack took a step away, determined to make it out that door in one piece. If tears began to swell in his eyes on the way out, well…He swiped at them before it became a problem, remembering all too well that he’d walked away with a big grin that night.


	5. Chapter 5

**\-----**

It should’ve been exciting, going on his first ‘important’ solo mission outside of the city. A week scouring the terrain outside of Kalm, hunting down a specific pack of Kalm fangs that had been bothering the locals. The mission had only taken Cloud a day, but the village had paid ShinRa for the full week, so he’d wasted the remainder of his time at the local inn ‘just in case’ the issue wasn’t fully resolved.

That was the only way for ShinRa to collect the full sum.

He could’ve dealt with that easily enough, treating the week like a vacation—enjoying the unexpected down time, and resting up while he still could. With Zack ignoring all his calls and texts though, he couldn’t quite relax.

His friend had been heartbroken. The last time he’d seen Zack before leaving the city, his friend had barely been recognizable. All the progress they’d made…the happy glow that had appeared as they spent time together? It was all gone. Zack was down and desolate, shut off from everyone. Even Kunsel, apparently, who had been sending Cloud daily updates on their mutual friend.

_He won’t leave his apartment for anything but classes._

Naturally it was a bit of a surprise when he stepped off the transport after his return, only to find Zack standing there waiting for him with a smile.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked, openly overwhelmed when his friend pulled him in for a long hug.

That didn’t stop him from returning the hug, wrapping his arms around his friend and nuzzling into his chest because _damn…_ He really missed Zack, and they’d barely said goodbye before Cloud took off on this mission.

“I’m glad you’re home,” Zack responded in lieu of an answer, giving one last squeeze before pulling back and eyeing Cloud expectantly. “So, how’d it go?”

“Easy. I was done in the first day, but my orders were to stay the week. Didn’t you get my messages?”

Zack frowned apologetically. “About that. I mighta broken my PHS. Lazard’s workin’ on getting me a new one.”

“Broken it _how?”_

“Turns out they’re not meant to be thrown,” Zack answered with a shrug. “Oops?”

He was smiling like it was a casual thing, but Cloud couldn’t smile in return. Instead he eyed his friend seriously, letting the volume of his voice drop as he asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Surprisingly fine,” Zack reassured him, and oddly enough, his tone was convincing. “The first couple days sucked, but I did a lotta thinking, and I’m good. _Really_ good, you know?”

“I don’t think I do.”

“C’mon, let’s get outta here. We can talk over dinner, if you’re hungry?”

“Can we order in?” Cloud asked, feeling a bit gross after the long transport ride. Maybe he’d spent the last six days lounging around, but he always felt ready for a shower after a twelve hour transport ride.

“Yeah, no problem. Yours or mine?”

“Mine,” he answered automatically, remembering what Kunsel had said—that Zack had barely left his own apartment all week. He picked up the single bag he had with him from where he’d dropped it for Zack’s hug, lifting it slightly. “I need to put my stuff away and all that.”

“Right,” Zack said, clearly not convinced, but clearly not caring that much either way. “Let’s get you home then, and I’ll order something while you settle in.”

That was that, apparently. They exchanged a nod and headed off, Zack close by his side as they walked in silence. It was a comfortable silence, which was weird in itself. Normally they had _too_ much to say to one another, but the lack of words felt right in this moment—like they finally understood there was no rush to get it all out. Even as Cloud slid his keycard and let them into his place, they stayed that way, the silence only breaking when Zack borrowed Cloud’s PHS to order some Wutaian while Cloud quickly unpacked his bag.

“Should be here soon,” Zack told him, tossing the phone gently to the blond when he emerged from his bedroom.

“Sounds good,” Cloud said, taking a seat by Zack’s side. “So…it was just some fangs, like you said.”

Zack smiled a bit. “Figures. It usually is in that area.”

“I summoned Odin on them.”

_“What?”_

Cloud laughed a bit at his friend’s surprise. “It was an accident. I could tell they were circling me, and I had it under control, but it felt like he was calling to me for some reason. And you know I hadn’t summoned him since that first day, so I thought…why not?”

“And? What happened?”

“Uh, he wiped ‘em out in one move,” Cloud explained, shaking his head in the same awe he’d experienced in that moment. “It was weird. At first he was just there, taking his time to ready his sword. It was almost like he was counting down. I was good though, knocking ‘em off one by one, so I kept on and then…I guess the countdown ended.”

“What’d he do?”

“You know how I told you it was weird that first day?”

“Yeah, you said he threw a spear or something—not the sword you were expecting.”

“He had a sword this time, bigger than Angeal’s. And when he swung it around, it took out everything in range.”

“Why do I feel like there’s more to this story?”

“Because there is. I encountered a few other creatures out there on my way back to the town, and I took them out with one blow, too. With swings that shouldn’t have been kill shots.”

“You had an added effect materia equipped, too,” Zack guessed, raising both brows when Cloud nodded. “Why? If you weren’t expecting to be able to summon Odin on the spot, why link an added effect with him?”

“It was Gen’s idea. He said it might give us more of an idea what Odin’s capable of, since I told him how I was sure there was more to it than what happened with Sephiroth.”

“Shit, Spike. Instant death effects are dangerous,” Zack warned, shaking his head. “Sometimes we don’t wanna kill our enemies.”

“I know. I took it off when I realized what was happening.”

“You know if Lazard hears about that, he’ll take it away, right? They’ll prob’ly give ‘em to the Turks. Even if they can’t pull off the summon, the effect link might still kick in.”

“I left it out of my report. This is gonna sound crazy, but I don’t think it’s what Odin _wants._ It’s almost like he was passing judgment on the fangs—not that he came out wanting to wreak havoc. I don’t think he’d respond well to being used as a killing machine.”

“That kinda goes along with the story you told me. The one from your hometown.”

The legends of old. Silly bedtime stories his mother had taught him growing up about his hometown’s rich history. As far as the story went, Odin rode off to battle and took down a great dragon in a single blow—but only after the dragon attempted to scorch the entire village.

Before that, Odin had hung up his sword. After that, he was never seen again.

“I think that’s the real reason why I can’t summon him whenever I want. That first time he was probably just curious when I touched the materia. This time, I was in real combat—not training or pretending. There was a real threat.”

Zack nodded along with his theory, looking stumped himself. “Can’t say I know much about that, but it makes sense. We tried everything else already—calling Shiva, messing with your bond. Did you tell Gen at least?”

“I haven’t seen him yet,” Cloud reminded his friend with a smile. “Someone else rushed me away when I got off the transport.”

“Yeah, well, I think I deserve some quality time with my best bud. Gen wasn’t even waiting for you there. He’s prob’ly off with Seph or something.”

Cloud was practically beaming at his friend, not giving a single damn how playful Zack had been when he said _best bud._ Their friendship had grown tremendously over the last few months, but he’d been sure he was the more attached of the two of them.

Maybe not though, if he was reading the earnest smile on Zack’s face properly.

“So, what’ve you been up to all week?” Cloud ventured, his tone almost delicate.

“I told you, I spent most my time thinking. Just… _really_ thinking, you know? I’d been so damn sure getting back with Chris was the answer to all my problems that I never stopped to look around and see there wasn’t any problem left to solve. When I was in Wutai—”

A knock interrupted them, earning a frown from Zack as Cloud rose to his feet apologetically to get their food. By the time he was sitting back down a minute later, the moment felt lost.

“You’re not going to tell me now?” Cloud wondered, uninterested in his food.

“I think I’m gonna keep it all to myself for a while,” Zack decided with a small smile. “Just…I’m fine. Really fine.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, I am. I look at this whole situation now, and it’s just a mess, you know? And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being so unhappy when I’ve got so much goin’ for myself. I’m sick of hanging onto someone who let me go a long time ago.”

Cloud held Zack’s gaze, nodding along with his friend’s words. It made sense. Just because Zack’s last hope was crushed a week ago didn’t mean that was when things ended. He and Chris broke up four months into Zack’s yearlong deployment. That was a long, long time ago, with Zack returning home several months back.

At least it seemed like there was some closure now—some finality to it.

“Thanks, by the way. For doing all this even when you thought it was a bad idea,” Zack said, giving him a quick nudge. “Wish I’d listened to everyone who said it wouldn’t end well.”

“You needed it though. You needed to get to this point.”

“I needed _you._ That’s the one good thing about all. I may have lost Chris a long time ago, but I got _you_ through all this, and I can’t be sorry for that. I’m glad it happened.”

“I am a pretty awesome date,” Cloud deadpanned.

“The best,” Zack agreed with a wide grin. “Think I’m gonna miss holdin’ your hand the most.”

“We can still do it around the tower, if you want. Keep everyone guessing.”

“Yeah? I always knew you liked putting on a show.”

Cloud scoffed, whacking his friend’s shoulder. “You’re the one who told me to stop caring what other people assumed about us.”

“And I stand by that! Confidence looks good on you. Don’t let anyone around here make you second guess our friendship or anything that makes you happy.”

“Platonic hand holding _does_ make me pretty happy,” he admitted, smirking as Zack opened his palm in clear invitation. He dropped his hand into his friend’s, linking their fingers comfortably. “Makes it kinda hard to eat though.”

“Minor details,” Zack replied with a wink, making no effort to let go.

**\-----**

Being single was actually pretty great.

The realization struck Zack not two weeks after he accepted that he and Chris weren’t getting back together, and really, he should’ve known a lot sooner. Before Chris had ever come along, he’d _loved_ being single. Living the SOLDIER life which left him no time for anything serious. His friends satisfied his need for companionship, his missions gave him all the thrills he needed, and if he _really_ wanted to get laid…well, he’d go out and get laid.

Those were simpler days, and some of the happiest in his life. Not to say he hadn’t been happy when things were actually good with Chris, but it was nice to remember he could be happy on his own too. Especially when he thought about his fallen comrades. In a sense, he was their living legacy. He owed it to them to live his life to the fullest, and that didn’t mean living the life they remembered him having—the one where he was with Chris. It meant finding his own happiness regardless of his relationship status.

Guys like him were meant to be single, really.

His eyes flickered over to his friend beside him, smiling the way he always did when he watched Cloud playing video games. Always so serious…from the furrow in his brow, to the purse in his lips, it made him pity anyone who tried to compete against Cloud on a serious level. That kid was sharp—focused and determined regardless of the task at hand.

“Zack,” he grumbled, dropping his controller in his lap and turning to his friend with exasperation. “You’re not even trying!”

Zack’s fingers curled around his own controller loosely. “Sorry. Just a bit distracted today.”

“Yeah?” Cloud’s annoyance was gone just like that, concern etching its way onto his features. “What’s up?”

He opened his mouth, ready to just spit it out—the nagging thought that had been kicking around in his head since he’d put Chris behind him. The one that grew more prominent in Cloud’s presence, prompting something of an internal battle in his head. Was it the best idea ever, or the worst?

Every time he looked at his friend, he knew the answer to that question in his gut. So why not just ask?

“You ever just wanna get laid?” Zack wondered, looking his friend up and down and growing more and more confident in his decision.

“Uh. I mean, sometimes. I don’t really like having sex with strangers though. Not my thing. Why? You’re not trying to hook me up with someone, are you?” he asked, scrunching his nose at the thought.

“Nah, not with _someone._ With me,” he corrected, smiling tentatively as he gauged Cloud’s reaction. Or lackthereof, really. “All this time, I was so fixated on gettin’ back with Chris, and now it’s not happening. I don’t wanna put myself out there with anyone else, you know? I wanna enjoy being single again. But I wouldn’t mind sleeping with _you.”_

“You don’t have to put yourself out there to get laid. Go to a bar and pick someone up. It won’t be hard, trust me.”

“Maybe I don’t like having sex with strangers either,” Zack shrugged.

“Maybe?” Cloud asked, snorting. “That’s not convincing.”

“It’s been a while! I’d be more comfortable with someone I know.”

“With me?” he reiterated, pointing to himself incredulously. Zack nodded. “I think I beat you so much that you lost your mind.”

“Why’s it so crazy? I’m good looking, _you’re_ good looking. We’ve got chemistry—you can’t deny it!”

“I’m not trying to! That doesn’t make it a good idea. Convincing the tower we’re dating is one thing, but jumping in bed is something else. No way it ends well.”

“What, you think you’ll fall in love with me?”

Cloud scoffed. “No. You’re the one who’s emotionally vulnerable right now.”

“Don’t call me that,” Zack grumbled, genuinely offended by the notion. “That breakup was a long time ago. It’s just real now, and I’m over it.”

“Ask me again in a few weeks,” Cloud suggested, raising a brow. “If you still think it’s a good idea, that is.”

“You think I won’t?”

“You won’t. You just need some time to clear your head.”

“Or I just need to get laid and you’re my number one pick.”

“Yeah? Who’s number two?” Cloud asked, the question more of a challenge than anything.

“Uh, have you _seen_ your ass? I’m pretty sure you’re my top ten.”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna pick someone up in a bar? With lines like that, it’d be a sure thing.”

“Just not on you,” Zack responded with a grin. “I’ll have to come up with some new material. I told you I was rusty at all this!”

“Nah, you’re just trying it on the wrong guy. That’d work on plenty of other people if you mixed in one of those smiles.”

His grin grew. “This one?”

“Uh, now it just looks fake. Kinda creepy, actually. It was nicer a minute ago.”

Zack thoroughly deflated. “Shit, this _is_ a lot harder than I remembered.”

“It’s not, I can just see through the fake smiles. Try it on some guy in a bar, and—”

“I don’t wanna hookup with some guy in a bar, I wanna hook up with _you,”_ Zack reiterated, almost petulantly as Cloud laughed. “Why’s it so funny?”

“Because it’s just random. We’re having game night—the same kind of game night we’ve been having for months now. Sorry if this seems a little out of the blue.”

“It’s not outta the blue. I always thought you were a good lookin’ kid, but—”

Cloud scowled. “That’s another thing. If you really want this to happen, you should probably stop calling me _kid._ You’re barely older than me.”

“Sorry,” he conceded with a frown. “Old habit. Trust me when I say, I know you’re not a kid. I wouldn’t be askin’ you about this if I thought of you like that.”

“Okay. Good,” Cloud muttered with a nod. “Then, yeah. If you’re still interested in a few weeks, we can talk then.”

“You know there’s no pressure, right?”

“I know. I would’ve flat out said no if I wasn’t interested.”

Zack grinned at the admission, feeling more hopeful than before. “This is gonna happen. You and me.”

“We’ll see,” Cloud replied, and not without an eye roll.

He looked his friend over once more, hoping they would see very soon.

**\-----**

It felt like Zack’s eyes were always on him after that day, sometimes just a goofy stare, and other times a not-so-subtle once over before they went out to dinner or to do whatever they were doing on any given night. There was something more amusing about it than anything flirty or sexual, so he honestly didn’t mind in the slightest.

On the contrary, he found himself staring right back. For every once over, he’d look his friend up and down just as openly before meeting his gaze head on and raising a brow. What could he say? Zack almost always looked good, and it felt like they’d reached some kind of unspoken understanding—that it was more than okay to appreciate that about one another.

That was all though. More than a few weeks had passed, and Zack hadn’t broached the subject of sleeping together again, so Cloud could only assume the thought had passed. Maybe Zack realized it wasn’t the best idea, or maybe he realized it would just be weird…Sure, there was some basic, physical attraction between them, but their friendship was silly and competitive. That wouldn’t necessarily translate into anything super sexy in bed.

“Hey,” Zack said, giving him a quick nudge. “Wanna swing by my night class today?”

Cloud openly laughed at the thought. “Not really.”

“Why not? It’s a whole new batch of kids! No one from your class.”

“Uh, still doesn’t sound interesting.”

“Spike! I’m askin’ for your help here,” Zack whined, raking a hand through his hair. “It’s my advanced group, and I wanna do a demonstration.”

“Advanced?” he repeated, quirking a brow. “You realize I gave up broadswords, right?”

“So? You can bring your dual swords. It’ll be even better that way! It’s not like we run into enemies with the same weapons when we’re in the field.”

“Your advanced course is all Seconds,” Cloud assumed, his friend confirming it with a nod. “They won’t want to learn from me.”

“Uh, you’d be surprised. You’re winning over more people than you think, Spike. You’re racking up mission completions faster than people who’ve been in SOLDIER for a lot longer, including most of these guys. They wanna learn from me, yeah, but they could learn a lot from you, too. And you’d only need to stick around for like 15 minutes. Enough for me to disarm you.”

Cloud had another _no_ on the tip of his tongue, but quickly narrowed his eyes. “You think you can disarm me in 15 minutes?”

“Well, less than that, but we’ll probl’y hafta show them a few times before they get it.”

“You know what? I think I _will_ come,” he decided, arms folded across his chest. “Just don’t be surprised when you can’t disarm me at all.”

Zack’s eyes were dancing with amusement. “We’ll see.”

“I might not be able to beat you yet, but I can stand my ground!”

“I know you can, Spike. For a few minutes at least.”

A few retorts later, and Cloud realized he’d essentially let his friend goad him into coming along for this ‘demonstration’. Whatever. He didn’t actually mind, he supposed. It might be nice to get in a quick spar against a different kind of opponent anyway. All his mission encounters were with creatures, so he only really had VR experience and practice with Genesis to fall back on for one on one combat.

“Am I really racking up missions faster than the other Seconds?”

“Uh, yeah. Faster than I did, even. I told Gen you oughtta take more time between missions, but he said something about how that’s what the enemy would say,” Zack explained, a small smile on his face. “You’re gonna get burnt out at this rate.”

“I feel fine,” Cloud said, shrugging.

“Yeah, but we’re SOLDIERs. We always _feel_ fine. Doesn’t mean our bodies like the nonstop combat.”

“Does it catch up to us?”

“Yeah, it does.”

Cloud frowned at that. Most weeks now, he’d knock out one to two missions, and then spend his extra days training with Genesis. They’d covered more than a few combat styles now, sticking with ‘advanced’ strategies only at this point. His basic materia were all mastered, and he’d even learned the key to a few summons he’d struggled with once upon a time—Ramuh and Ifrit. Odin made the occasional appearance as well, often easier to call than the others due to whatever strange bond he had with the summon. The bond not even Genesis fully understood, and not due to lack of research.

“I don’t feel tired or anything. Most the time, I finish early and get to relax for a day or two when I’m out of the city.”

“Yeah, but you’re still not really relaxed, are you? You’re on the job, so you’re on guard. The thing I don’t get is, even if you knock out all your training hours and mission hours in record time, they’re not gonna promote you again,” Zack said, certainty in his words. “Not for at least another year. You’d prob'ly be up for Second by now, but you jumped that early on. They can’t give you First just as fast, so you may as well slow down now that you’re ahead.”

“I don’t want to slow down though. I don’t want people thinking—”

“Forget what people think! You’ve proven yourself again and again by now. Anyone who doubts you’re Second Class material needs to swing by next time you call Odin. Most of them prob'ly can’t even manage a ChocoMog.”

Cloud opened his mouth, but ultimately bit his tongue as Zack started down at him so seriously. How many times did they have conversations like this? Every time he worried about things like this, Zack brought him back to reality—reminded him no one else’s opinions really mattered. Just like it didn’t matter that half the tower thought they were dating despite just being good friends.

He reached out for Zack’s hand, smiling a bit when his friend squeezed his in return. Platonic handholding really was the best. Something about it kept him calm; anchored his thoughts when they threatened to wander.

“Can you take a hit from Shiva?” Cloud wondered, looking up from their hands with interest.

“Yeah, I can. Why? You plannin’ to summon her today?”

“Sorry, but my mentor would scold me if I revealed my strategies to the enemy.”

Zack snorted. “Can _you_ take a hit from a summon? ‘Cause I’m pretty handy with Titan.”

“I can take a Titan hit,” he confirmed, not mentioning that he could also _dodge_ a Titan hit just as easily.

How all that would play out in the midst of a broadsword demonstration, he wasn’t entirely sure. Either way, he was excited to find out for himself.

**\-----**

Amazing.

That was really the only word to describe Cloud, and Zack was long past trying to come up with a better one. It took a full _twenty_ minutes to disarm the Second, even pulling out the tactic which was the central purpose of the demonstration. Cloud saw through it in record time, leaping back and summoning Shiva before Zack even noticed the cast had begun.

His entire sword ended up caked in ice, thanks to taking the brunt of an impressive Diamond Dust—more potent than any he’d ever seen another SOLDIER manage with Shiva. Reacting to unexpected situations was Zack’s biggest strengths though, and definitely something he could teach Cloud a thing or two about. A heavy, ice encrusted sword wasn’t a burden to a SOLDIER, and could easily be wielded as a stronger weapon in the right hands.

By the time Cloud realized it, he was spending more time trying to knock the ice off Zack’s sword than trying to land any actual hits. It was basically over at that point, Zack seizing the opportunity the way any good SOLDIER would.

And Cloud…even as he landed on his ass, swordless and defeated, was already Curing himself before Zack got to his side to make sure none of the hits landed too hard.

“Anyone else wouldn’t have been able to hold the damn sword after that,” Cloud grumbled, quite accurately—it would’ve been far too heavy for anyone unenhanced.

“Yeah, well, I’m not anyone, remember?” He offered a hand to his friend, a small smile on his face as Cloud accepted and rose to his feet. “Good fight, Cloud.”

“You, too,” he conceded. “You didn’t even call Titan.”

“Didn’t need to. We don’t all have the mana pool you do—I’ve gotta plan my casts strategically. Summons especially.”

“Ahem.” The loud, annoyed noise pulled both their attention, reminding them this wasn’t just a spar between friends. This was a class, and Zack had some explaining to do to the Seconds in the room. And Cloud had some explaining to do to Genesis, apparently, who was standing amongst the crowd with an indignant expression. “A word, dearest?”

Zack watched as Genesis lead Cloud from the room, amused and a bit guilty about whatever lecture Cloud was probably in for. _You shouldn’t be sparring with the enemy—_ that was his best guess at least, and it would likely be paired with some reminder that _I decide when and who you train with._

Because, yeah. Neither had really asked if Genesis was cool with the lesson, both figuring it wasn’t such a big deal. And it wasn’t! Considering the fact most of SOLDIER thought he and Cloud were an item, it probably would’ve been more shocking if Cloud _didn’t_ pop in on a class every so often.

Either way, Zack had a class to teach, so he shook the distractions from his head, instead focusing on asking who noticed what he’d done. Or _tried_ to do before Cloud noticed what was happening.

An hour later, the class had talked through and walked through it, and he was congratulating the few who’d managed to pull it off successfully. They’d be hitting the field next week to test it out in a real mission situation, and he _couldn’t wait._

Gaia, he’d been confined to the tower for far too long. Especially now that he was feeling like his old self—he needed to get out there and put his skills to work.

Unsurprisingly, Cloud was leaning against his apartment door by the time he got back home, looking bored as ever as he waited. His arms were folded across his chest, head leaning back and eyes closed like he’d been there a while. Probably since Genesis’ lecture had ended, Zack figured.

None of that really mattered though. He was more interested in how good his friend looked like that, so relaxed and casual. Not even the sound of Zack’s approach got him to straighten up, and there was no doubt Cloud heard him coming.

So he stepped in close, hands on Cloud’s waist instead of circling around for the hug that would’ve been more expected. “Can I kiss you?” he asked, eyeing Cloud’s lips as the blond tilted his head just enough to look up at him.

“Yeah.”

And then he did. Simple and sweet, he pressed his lips against Cloud’s almost experimentally. There were no sparks or butterflies—no sudden wave of heat or lust. It just felt _nice,_ kissing his friend like this. When Cloud threw his arms around his neck and kissed back? That was really nice, too.

“I wanna take you to bed,” he muttered against his friend’s lips, pulling back tentatively.

“Gee, you really know how to sweep a guy off his feet,” Cloud joked, raising both brows.

“I’m not tryin’ to sweep you off your feet if you remember correctly.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“I’m sure if you’re sure.”

“Just for fun,” Cloud reiterated plainly.

“I always have fun when I’m with you.”

“You know what I mean.”

Zack smiled reassuringly. “Yeah, I do. Just for fun.”

Then he kissed Cloud again, a bit harder this time as he reached around to slide his keycard and let them inside. They stumbled a bit as the door opened, laughing into the embrace as they tried to maneuver toward the bedroom without stopping. It barely took three awkward steps before his hands were on Cloud’s ass, hiking him up easily to just carry him instead. Thankfully Cloud took the hint without protest, wrapping his legs around Zack’s waist and smiling into their clumsy kiss.

There was something easy about this, Zack realized. No pressure, no strings. He dropped Cloud onto his bed without a second thought, pulling his shirt off without trying to make it sexy or anything more than the situation called for. There’d be time for teasing when they were both stripped down and in the moment. Right now he just wanted to hurry up and get naked.

“So, what’d Gen want?” Zack asked, kicking off his shoes next.

“The usual. Apparently I shouldn’t have fought you in public until he was sure I’d win. Now any time anyone compares us, there’s no doubt you’re the best of the two of us,” Cloud explained, his own shirt and shoes now long gone as well.

Their eyes locked as the rest of their clothes came off, exchanging one last nod before Zack sat down on the bed beside his best friend. They really did always have fun together. This would be no different.

**\-----**

Every instinct in Cloud’s body told him it was a bad idea, but he was long past caring. It had already happened, and his body didn’t get the memo—every bit of him thought it was a _great_ idea when Zack’s hands were running all over his bear skin, tentative at first, and then flat out teasing.

Gaia, how long had it been since he’d let someone touch him like that?

“You don’t regret it, do you?” Zack wondered, studying him carefully as they laid in bed, naked and aching in all the right places.

What had started out as an experimental ‘we’ll just see how it goes this one time’ had turned into the quickest orgasm Cloud had ever experienced—almost embarrassingly so, aside from the fact Zack finished just as quickly. It really had been a long time for both of them. That lead to some much-needed laughter before they both put their game faces back on, determined to go again.

And when _that_ was barely an improvement, well…

Even the golden boys needed to do certain things a few times before they got it right, and Cloud was okay with that in this instance. It wasn’t like they were in a rush, and there was something very _them_ about the light mood and the laughter that had filled the room as they continued to experiment with each other.

“This was just what I needed,” he admitted, laughing softly at the dorky smile Zack shot him in return. “I just hope _you_ don’t regret it. I know you’re still—”

“I’m over it. And even if I wasn’t, this was just sex. As long as we’re on the same page, it doesn’t hafta be a big thing, right?”

Cloud held Zack’s patient gaze, nodding without another thought. “Yeah, right.”

“So it wasn’t weird for you either?”

“Nah, it was fun. I thought the kissing would be the weirdest, but even that was fun.”

Zack smirked. “It was, huh? I thought that part’d be weird, too. More intimate or something.”

“Lips are just lips. Kissing doesn’t mean more than anything else if you really think about it.”

“Or if you just _don’t_ think about it,” his friend countered, bringing Cloud’s hand to his lips before placing a quick kiss on it for good measure. “Thank you for doing this.”

“Are you planning to play the field now that you’ve gotten your stamina back?” Cloud asked, not sure how he felt about that. Definitely not jealous, but not quite accepting either. It felt like they had barely grazed the surface of what they could try together.

“Nah, I’d rather make this a regular thing,” Zack admitted tentatively. “If you’re into it, that is.”

“I’m into it,” he agreed without hesitation. “Just…let’s keep it between us, okay? I get enough crap from Gen because he saw us holding hands that one time. He’s still convinced I’m in love with you.”

Zack snorted. “Guess he doesn’t know you as well as he thinks.”

“He knows me, he’s just wrong about _this._ It’s because he’s never seen us behind closed doors, when we’re goofing around.”

“He just sees the handholding and hears the rumors.”

“Yep. And I get it, I really do. You’re just not my type though.”

“I dunno, I was your type about twenty minutes ago,” Zack teased.

“Anyone who can twist their fingers like that is my type when I’m in bed,” Cloud retorted, rolling his eyes fondly. “I just mean you’re not my type for a relationship. Yeah, we have fun together, but that’s it. We’re good as friends.”

“What _is_ your type?”

“Physically, or…?”

“Anything. You never talk about your old relationships.”

Cloud shrugged, finding it weird that it _wasn’t_ weird to discuss this even in their current predicament. “I don’t really have a type physically. Any body type can be attractive with the right personality, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“I like a lot of the usual things. Humor is big, common interests help—mostly though, I just like someone more…romantic.”

Zack blinked at that, openly surprised. “Romantic?"

“Like, small gifts or gestures. I like the idea of being courted,” Cloud explained, face heating up under the intensity of his friend’s gaze. “I know it sounds stupid, I just—”

“It doesn’t sound stupid. Lots of people are into that.”

The firm reassurance had his confidence returning, smiling a bit as he continued, “Both ways, too. I like making small gestures as much as I like receiving them. It’s one of the only things I liked about how things were done back home.”

“And you don’t think I’m that kinda guy?”

“Well, no. Not really. Are you?” Cloud asked, quirking a brow.

“Not really.”

“Then that’s my point. You’re awesome—the best friend I could’ve hoped to make here. But that’s it. I can’t imagine either of us pursuing anything more here.”

“So you like the kinda guy who won’t kiss on the first date? That kinda thing?”

“Um, I mean. I’m not _that_ picky. I wouldn’t care either way about something like that, it’s more based on how the date goes.”

“But you don’t have sex on the first date?”

“No, no way,” Cloud responded easily, shrugging at the confused look on Zack’s face. “It’s like you said, this is just sex. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“But you wanna wait when you think it _should_ mean something?”

“Not till marriage or anything, but yeah. Till whenever it feels right.”

“Yeah, I’m definitely not your type. I don’t think I’ve waited with _anyone_ I’ve been with.”

“Haven’t you only really had one relationship?”

Zack considered the question before nodding. “Yeah, technically. I dated a lot though, before Chris.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, since we’re on the same page about what this is,” Cloud decided, confident in his words.

“Right. It’s just funny ‘cause _Gen_ is your type, basically.”

Cloud scoffed. “He is not.”

“Uh, did you hear yourself? Hearts and flowers? He’s the kinda guy who’s into all that, and he’s also the kinda guy who’d keep it up even after a year. He’d dazzle you with poetry and shower you with gifts. It’s not courting, it’s who he is.”

“He’s also in a happy relationship. And my mentor. _And_ he makes me wake up at five in the morning! Not my type.”

Zack laughed at that, cuddling up to Cloud’s side and pulling him closer. “I like that we can talk about all this even when we’re naked and it’s just not a big deal.”

“Me too. I’ve never done anything like this with a friend,” he admitted quietly, not surprised when Zack murmured his agreement. Someone like Zack probably had no issue finding someone he felt comfortable enough with, from the sounds of it. “This is probably the first time I’ve ever _not_ been nervous in bed.”

“Shit, Spike. You’ve got nothing to be nervous about, trust me.”

“Not nervous about the actual… _process,”_ he tried to explain, flushed as Zack kept eyeing him intently. “Nervous about what it meant. How things might change. My last boyfriend was a perfect gentleman until we got to this point. Then he stopped trying.”

“Isn’t that how a lotta relationships work though? Flowers and candies for a few dates, then it’s not expected anymore?”

“It wasn’t expected in the first place, and it’s not like I’m asking for gifts every day. But I would still like to go on dates sometimes, and do other things. He just wanted to go at it all the time after we got to that point.”

He could feel Zack’s eyes roaming his body, and was thankful he held back whatever comment he was ready to make. “Did you talk to him about it?”

“Yeah. He said he was just busier lately, and things would get back to normal soon. They never did.”

“So you ended it?” Zack concluded, smiling when Cloud nodded. “Good for you.”

“Yeah, he was kind of annoying after that. Tried to win me back with the same stuff that won me over in the first place. I told him to fuck off, and then I made SOLDIER—haven’t seen him since.”

Zack just hummed thoughtfully in response, running a soothing hand over Cloud’s chest before bringing it up to cup his cheek. The blond leaned into the touch instinctively, smiling a bit as his friend drew him in for a quick peck. “I’m glad you got rid of him. The guy sounds like an asshole.”

“Apparently I have a thing for assholes,” Cloud winked.

“Never gonna let me live it down, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Not even for cuddles?”

Cloud eyed his friend, suddenly very serious. “Only if I can be the big spoon.”

Zack stared back just as intently, nodding a moment later. “Deal.”

**\-----**

Best idea ever. Confirmed.

It was crazy to think there had even been a second when he wasn’t sure if it was the best or the worst. Clearly that had something to do with the fact he’d yet to see Cloud naked at that point—or maybe it was because he’d had no idea his friend would be so damn good with his mouth. Even when they were just kissing, it was more than he ever hoped it could be.

And all without a single misunderstanding or misplaced feeling. Anyone who thought platonic relationships couldn’t cross that line without things changing clearly hadn’t met the two of them.

“You’re insane,” Cloud complained, though he didn’t stop kissing Zack as he said it.

“Why? ‘Cause I wanna fuck you in a tent?” Zack asked, chuckling a bit. “We’ve done it in weirder places.”

They’d agreed to keep things simple in public—some handholding, maybe a hug. The usual things they did that were constantly being misinterpreted by the gossipers in ShinRa tower. Anything beyond that was saved for the confines of their apartments, or at least initially it had been.

A couple months into their redefined friendship, that had all changed with a single confession he’d never forget. Cloud had been red in the face as he said it, which had become something rare between them after crossing so many physical lines.

_“I kind of like the idea of almost getting caught.”_

It turned out, Zack didn’t mind the idea either. Neither _actually_ wanted to be caught, but it was fun messing around in different places in the tower. The VR, to start—only asshole Firsts interrupted booked times anyway, right? And, well, things had progressed from there. For every random thing Cloud wanted to try, Zack would confess something as well. Things they’d never asked anyone else, but felt comfortable enough trying with each other. From light bondage to unmentionable toys, there was no holding back when it came to this part of their friendship.

Their agreement was perfect. _They_ were perfect, always willing to be honest with one another even if it meant shooting down an idea the other suggested. Their entire arrangement would’ve failed by day one if they weren’t so damn good at communicating with one another.

“You’re not coming,” Cloud decided firmly, shaking his head as Zack pouted. “It’s _my_ mission! What do you think your class will think if you bump into me out in the field? That it’s a coincidence?”

“Uh, they’ll prob'ly think I’m there for you. And they’d be right,” Zack said, nipping at Cloud’s neck. “What’s so wrong with that?”

“You’re not supposed to be taking your classes on overnight missions.”

“Lazard’ll get over it.”

“We can go camping sometime if you really like the idea of having sex in a tent. Which, by the way, sounds _terrible._ Have you ever slept in a tent normally? It’s small and bumpy.”

“Hey! No kink shaming!”

Cloud snorted. “I’m not kink shaming, I’m just making sure you realize what you’re asking for.”

“I’m a SOLDIER. I’ve slept in more than one tent in my day. What’d you think I lived in while I was in Wutai? A luxury hotel?”

He’d meant it as a lighthearted joke, but it sobered Cloud right up. “Sorry. I should’ve—”

“I can talk about Wutai without it being a big thing,” Zack promised, pecking Cloud’s lips. “I’ve been home a long time now. I’m good.”

“You know…”

“What is it?”

“Gen says I’m due to go. Not to Wutai necessarily, but somewhere.”

Zack frowned at that. It’d crossed his mind already, but he’d always shrugged it right off in favor of happier thoughts. “He’s right.”

“What was your first deployment like?”

He let out a long breath, rolling off Cloud as he considered the question. “It was quick. I did a couple short tours in Wutai before this last one. A few months. When you’re in combat every day, time flies by.”

“And when you’re not?”

“Things are trickier then. That’s why the longer tour sucked so bad. There’s no video games or phone calls—no going out to dinner with your best bud,” Zack explained, looking at Cloud distantly. “It’s just you and whatever thoughts are kickin’ around your head. Sometimes you get interrupted by an attack, and sometimes you don’t. You just get lost in it all till it’s time to go home.”

“There’s a rumor something’s going on up north,” Cloud said, a nervous edge in his voice that Zack knew all too well.

“That’s classified, Spike.”

“But there is,” he concluded with a sigh. “They wouldn’t have sent Sephiroth up there if it was nothing.”

Zack blinked at that. “How’d you know they sent Seph there?”

Judging by the look he got in response, the answer was obvious; Genesis. No doubt their mutual friend was more irritable than usual lately after his boyfriend left the city to go investigate strange reports coming from the Northern Continent. Even SOLDIER pairs had a hard time with distance in their relationships.

At their core, they were still human. They were still lonely and worried about their loved ones.

“I put it together myself,” Cloud said finally, shaking his head. “I knew Sephiroth left, but I didn’t know where. People’ve been talking about some disturbance up there for weeks now.”

“It’s not a warzone, Spike. There’re some unknowns, but it’s nothing Seph can’t handle. He’s got a team with him, and you know, if you get sent, you’ll be in good hands with them.”

“Do you think I’m ready?”

“I know you are,” Zack confirmed with a big smile. “Don’t even worry about that.”

“They probably won’t pick me anyway. Some of the other Seconds were saying they’re only pulling the best of us to go.”

“Uh, Spike. If that’s the criteria, you’re definitely on the list. You gotta think strategically, too. You’re the best in all the classes with Shiva. That kinda skill might come in handy up there.”

“I didn’t think about that…”

“Hey. Listen to me,” Zack insisted, holding Cloud’s gaze evenly. “You’re a SOLDIER. A damn good one, too. You’ve got nothin’ to worry about. If you gotta go, you gotta go—and you’ll kick ass. I know it.”

“Can we just watch a movie or something tonight?” Cloud asked quietly.

Zack looked his friend over, not quite convinced he’d succeeded at reassuring him this time. But he nodded anyway, willing to do whatever the hell Cloud wanted in that moment.

**\-----**

The orders came less than a week later, and Cloud couldn’t even pretend to be surprised when he read them in Genesis’ office. Instead he was filled with nerves, wishing the damn paperwork were more specific. All he got were some vague, general statements telling him where he was going and when—not a thing about why or for how long.

_Until the mission is deemed complete._ Whatever that meant. He didn’t miss the line saying he’d be reporting in to Sephiroth himself, and falling under his direct command for the duration of the assignment.

“You’ll be fine, dearest,” Genesis said, his words a promise rather than sentiment. “The reports coming in show minimal resistance.”

“Minimal resistance from _what?”_ Cloud pressed, clutching the paperwork in his sweaty palm.

Some SOLDIER he was, freaking out over his very first big assignment. This was what he signed up for, and he knew it, but still…He’d never so much as considered the possibility his first extended deployment would be under _Sephiroth’s_ command.

That was big. Impossibly big.

“Native creatures, mostly. The climate’s presented a bigger threat than anything else, but I suspect you’ll feel right at home in the snow.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Cloud muttered, barely believing it.

“I know. I thought it best they give you minimal notice.”

“Why? I barely have time to pack now! I’ve got—”

“All you need is your deployment bag. It’s pre-packed, remember?”

Cloud’s erratic heart beat calmed a bit at that, realizing Genesis was right. Their deployment bags were inspected monthly. Everything he needed was always ready to go, the way a SOLDIER needed to be.

“What am I being sent with?”

“The usual. Shiva, Odin. You’ll have your pick of weapons from the vault, though I think we both know you’ll be taking your own swords instead. You’ll also want a Fire materia, of course.”

“What about accessories?”

“You’ll be required to wear an ice ring at all times. Anything else is entirely up to you. I recommend the usual—it’s always best to play to your strengths.”

“You think I’m ready for this?” Cloud wondered, staring up at his mentor tentatively.

“Of course you are. You’re my student.”

“Why’d they send him, Gen? How big is this?”

Genesis frowned, considering the question for a moment before readying an answer. “Did you read your orders?”

“Investigate the disturbances north of the Icicle Inn,” Cloud recited, shaking his head in confusion. “What’s that mean though?”

“It means there’s been some strange activity reported on the glacier to the north of the Inn. Anything beyond that is for you to discover during the mission. I don’t have any more answers than you do at this point.”

“I wish we could go together.”

“As do I, dear, but I think you’ll find you’re more than prepared for this. You’ll be in good hands with Sephiroth.”

“Is there any last minute training I should do?”

“Absolutely not. You’re to spend today resting before your travels.”

Cloud frowned. “I’m not tired though.”

“You say that as if it matters. This is an order, dear. You’re not to train, and you’re not to leave the tower. Not unless you’re sharing a meal with that fool.”

“Zack?” Cloud guessed, chuckling softly when Genesis nodded. “I wish you’d stop calling him that.”

“Why should I? I’ve been referring to you in the same manner for months now. You’re both fools.”

“Gen—”

“Honestly, the fact that you deny what’s right in front you astounds me.”

“Gen—”

“No, I’m not finished,” Genesis cut in firmly. “I understand platonic relationships better than most. Angeal and I have spent _years_ exchanging innocent touches and kisses! What you have is far different, and the sooner you accept it, the better off you’ll both be.”

“You told me to stay away from him when all this started,” Cloud said, quirking a brow.

“Yes, well, that was before I realized he was in just as deep as you. I thought he was still daydreaming about that ex of his.”

“He was for a while.”

“And now he’s not. You’re the only one on his mind these days.”

Cloud let out a short sigh, not seeing the point in arguing. How many times could he say it? He loved spending time with Zack, but that was it. No matter how many times they hugged or kissed, that fact never changed. As far as he was concerned, Zack could show up at his door with a new boyfriend right now, and he’d be totally cool with it so long as they still got to hang out on a regular basis.

That was the thing about him and Zack. Yeah, they did everything together— _everything,_ really at this point. But it wasn’t about love. It wasn’t about orgasms or fun either. They were just in sync with one another. It was about understanding what each other needed in any given moment, and making it happen.

“Do you want to come with us?” Cloud asked. When Genesis stared at him curiously, he clarified, “To dinner. You, me, and Zack. I think I’ll invite Kunsel, too.”

“That sounds like a lovely idea.”

“I’ll call them then. Any preferences? They’re not really picky about food.”

“Whatever you want, precious. ShinRa’s ready-to-eat meals for deployments are disgusting. You should pick your favorite for this evening.”

Cloud scrunched up his nose, remembering the MRE’s he’d had to sample early on in his training. They were basically dried out foods you could heat up or add some water to in order to make it edible. And really, edible was a loose definition when he remembered how they tasted.

“I think we’ll just get pizza.”

Genesis snorted indignantly. “Pizza? You realize any of us will be willing to pay to bring you to any restaurant in the city.”

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that? I don’t wanna have to dress up and sit in some restaurant. I just want to relax and enjoy everyone’s company without making it a big thing.”

His mentor’s eyes softened, but only for a moment before he was met with full exasperation. “If you insist.”

**\-----**

“Go away!” Zack complained, ready to shut the door in Kunsel’s face.

“Come on, Zack!” A hand shot up to stop the door from closing, his friend forcing it open and inviting himself inside. “How long are you gonna hole up in here this time?”

“What’re you talkin’ about? I’m not—”

“You’ve barely stepped out since Cloud left,” his friend accused, hands on his hips. “It’s been three weeks! It’s time to snap out of it. He’s gone, and closing yourself off to the world won’t change that.”

“Gee, thanks for the compassion, man.”

“Do you think he wants you to be miserable?” Kunsel asked incredulously. “I’m sure he misses you too, but he’s got a job to do. You of all people should understand that.”

“I _do_ understand that!”

“So why—”

“Because I get it now, okay? I get it,” Zack interjected with a huff. “I get why Chris couldn’t deal with this shit. Being apart _sucks._ I’m not even dating the Cloud, and I can’t get him outta my head. I spend all my free time wondering how he’s doing—if today’ll be the day he gets to write me a damn letter since there’s no reception up there. Wondering how many days till it gets here after ShinRa sends someone in for a supply drop and pickup. It’s fuckin’ stupid.”

“It’s not. You care about him,” Kunsel said with a shrug. “Of course you want to know how he’s doing.”

“He’s with Seph. He’s gonna be fine.”

“You’re right. It’s not like he can’t look after himself, too. The kid’s got talent.”

“He’s not a kid,” Zack grumbled.

“Right. He’s a SOLDIER. A fully grown, capable SOLDIER.”

He ran a hand over his face, sure Kunsel was right, but not quite able to bring himself to _care._ There was this feeling in his gut he couldn’t pinpoint and he couldn’t shake.

“Dude,” Kunsel said, a hand on Zack’s shoulder. “You’ve got it bad.”

“It’s not like that. He’s my friend. He’s a new SOLDIER, and it’s his first big mission. That’s all.”

“Yeah? Did you get this worked up when I went out on my first mission?” Kunsel pressed, staring pointedly when Zack shook his head. “What about during the Mideel incident when Angeal was there?”

“You’re missing the point.”

“The point is, Cloud’s special. He means something different to you, and the sooner you admit it, the sooner everything you’re thinking and feeling will make sense.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Then come out with me,” Kunsel suggested. “Let’s go have some fun—we’ll get some food, hit some bars. Tomorrow’s your off day, right?”

“I dunno, Kuns. I’m not really in the mood to go out.”

“And you won’t be! Not until you get out and realize it’s not so bad. Even if you _are_ secretly in love with the kid, it’s okay to go out and enjoy yourself while he’s gone. I’m not saying go get laid, but c’mon. We can have fun still!”

“I’m not secretly in love with anyone,” Zack insisted firmly.

“Right. So what’s the problem?”

Zack let out a defeated sigh, wandering into his room to throw on some jeans and a t-shirt. Clearly Kunsel had no intentions of leaving without him, so he might as well humor his friend this once. Once he had some sneakers on, he was back by his friend’s side, ready to get the night over with.

“You need to loosen up. I’m not doing this to make you miserable.”

“I know,” Zack conceded with a forced smile. “I’m lucky to have a friend like you lookin’ out for me after all these years.”

“Damn right you are.”

And that was how he found himself bar hopping with Kunsel, making a game out of who could stay drunk the longest before the mako burned the alcohol off for them. It was a game they’d played back when they were both Third Class, and one that probably wasn’t as charming now that they’d both grown up so much. Back then they’d sweet talked their way through the bars, using their mako eyes to score free drinks. They weren’t even of legal age in Midgar, but they’d both rationalized that since they were old enough in their home towns, it was fine.

Unfortunately, Angeal never agreed with that logic.

“Gaia, we were stupid,” Zack muttered, chuckling at his memories.

Not that Kunsel was listening. He was already chatting up some girl—so much for hitting the town together. Why was he even surprised? That was how most their nights out together ended, even back in the day. Except he would usually be doing the same thing as Kunsel rather than playing their drinking game alone at the bar.

His eyes scanned the room casually, a few people standing out in the crowd. People who would’ve been his ‘type’ back then. Men, women—none of that ever mattered much to Zack. Neither did hair color or eye color or anything that specific. Smiles were what drew him in, especially when he was looking for a fun night. Sometimes bright and broad, other times shy and hopeful…and sometimes it was the lack of a smile that caught his eye. The person who got dragged along by their friends, yet wasn’t having a good time for whatever reason—a feeling Zack hadn’t properly understood until quite recently.

How much fun had it been trying to turn those people’s nights around? Whether it lead to a date or a hookup was irrelevant, really. In the end, he was happy if they were happy—and they almost always were when he put in the effort.

Glancing around again, it was pretty clear _he_ was the only one not having a great time this particular evening. What he couldn’t figure out though, was why. Hadn’t he been back to normal for a few months now? There was no reason he shouldn’t be having a goodtime out with his friend, meeting new people and finding fun ways to pass the time.

Another SOLDIER set of shots later, he stood up decisively, approaching the small group that had formed around Kunsel and his mystery girl. They were laughing at some story Kunsel had shared, making it easy for Zack to smile a bit as he contemplated which ridiculous tale it’d been this time. There was no denying Kunsel had some of the best stories out there.

“Hey, handsome,” one of the crowd said—a short brunette with a bright and broad smile.

Zack met his eyes, his smile growing at the same rate as his determination. “Hey.”


	6. Chapter 6

**\-----**

It was fucking _cold,_ and that was saying a lot since Cloud grew up in the mountains. All the enhancements on Gaia couldn’t change the fact that the conditions up in the Northern Continent were extreme though, and the lack of proper shelter did nothing to help. Day after day his team scouted and worked, excavating and exploring the wide terrain. Then they’d retire to a makeshift ‘campsite’, which was essentially a collection of military grade tents they pitched wherever they happened to settle that night.

“Hey, Seph?” he asked, no longer so nervous about approaching the iconic SOLDIER. After more than a month working together, the wow factor had basically diminished aside from those moments when he got to witness the First pull off some unthinkable combat maneuver. “You ever think we’re wasting our time out here?”

They were scouting again, the same way they had been since Cloud’s arrival. Nothing noteworthy had happened the entire time, aside from a few mini-avalanches and some strange creatures swarming them. There were only six SOLDIERs present, but it was really nothing they couldn’t handle. More often than not, they split into two man teams, breaking off to explore wider areas under Sephiroth’s orders before rendezvousing at sunset.

Today was his turn with Sephiroth, who had proven to be his favorite partner of the group. He was the only one who didn’t waste time with pointless small talk, instead allowing a comfortable silence to settle between them when there was no important issue to discuss.

“Frequently,” Sephiroth admitted, though he seemed unbothered by that fact.

Cloud just snorted. No doubt Sephiroth was ready to go home—a man of his skills was _really_ just wasting time up here, not to mention the fact he’d shown up weeks before Cloud. They’d never discussed Genesis specifically, but Cloud suspected he wasn’t the only one missing the redhead. Among other people, of course, but that went without saying as well.

“It’s gotta be materia hunters,” Cloud said, glancing up at Sephiroth to gauge his reaction. There wasn’t one, but he’d already discovered that didn’t mean the man disagreed. He continued, “Think about it. What else would scavengers be up here for?”

“We have yet to confirm there are scavengers in the area.”

“No, we’ve yet to _see_ any,” he countered, already pointing ahead along the path they were treading. “I know you noticed."

“I was not aware you had,” Sephiroth responded, raising a single, curious brow.

The snowy path ahead had been tread, and quite recently if he wasn’t mistaken. That was the reason Sephiroth had chosen to take this path when they split into teams today, or at least Cloud assumed as much.

“I grew up in the mountains, remember? I know a thing or two about covering my tracks in the snow, and I _also_ know they wouldn’t go through the trouble to cover them unless—”

“They are aware of our presence.”

“Exactly,” Cloud agreed with a smile. “They want us to think we’re wasting our time and just go home. Obviously they don’t know that ShinRa doesn’t really care if _we_ think we’re wasting time.”

Sephiroth came to a halt instead of responding, and something about the way his hand fell to Masamune’s hilt had Cloud on edge instantly. His focus sharpened in an instant, hands ready on his own swords as he tried to figure out what exactly had caught the First’s attention.

“Shiva,” Sephiroth said, barely audible even to a SOLDIER’s ears.

Cloud’s heart jumped, but he called her forward without hesitation, not quite sure what Sephiroth had in mind here. There were no signs of danger as far as he could tell. Just a few snowy hills to the left and right, and a long path ahead and behind.

A rumble from the large hill to their right struck him as a very obvious signal that he was wrong, readying the strongest Diamond Dust he could manage before Sephiroth issued a strange order.

“Allow it to bury us.”

Crazy, crazy man…His tone was non-negotiable though, and there was no time to seek clarification when a hill full of snow was avalanching toward them. His link with Shiva was stronger than ever, proving itself yet again as she responded to his change in direction before he even processed what it meant.

Encompassing himself and Sephiroth in a shield of ice rather than putting up a barrier between them and the snow—a much smaller task, yet one that made little sense when Cloud realized they were quite literally buried by an immeasurable amount of heavy snow.

The temperature dropped instantly, his breath visible as he looked in Seprhiroth’s direction. Suddenly he was grateful SOLDIERs could see in the dark, at least somewhat. It may as well have been a cloudy midnight now, not a hint of light penetrating their icy prison.

“Why was this a good idea?” Cloud asked, reasonably concerned by their predicament. Even SOLDIERs could freeze to death, ice ring or not.

“They will believe we have fallen,” Sephiroth answered, like it was so simple.

“You think the scavengers created that avalanche?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, a small flame appearing above his palm a moment later. “Genesis once told me it took his most potent Firaga to melt through Shiva’s cast, and that was before you had mastered her.”

“Yeah, except when I run out of mana…” Their prison would weaken naturally without Shiva’s presence. It wouldn’t be instantaneous, especially not with the snow keeping the temperatures down, but still. They were on a time limit here, and Sephiroth didn’t seem worried in the slightest. “What’re we gonna do?”

“We will wait a short time, then you will create a tunnel for us to escape through.”

“I will?” Sephiroth nodded, again like it was no small feat. “What about the others?”

“They will continue with their assignments before proceeding to the rendezvous point.”

“And when we aren’t there?”

“They will circle back to follow our intended path, leading them here.”

“Except not _here,”_ Cloud said, confused. “They’ll be on top of all this.”

“We will leave a sign for them once we’ve emerged on the other side. I imagine our mission will be complete by the time they catch up with us.”

“Complete?” he repeated, chuckling softly. Just because they’d finally had some kind of run-in with these supposed scavengers didn’t mean the mission was approaching the end so quickly…right? “Even if you’re right and we catch whoever did this, that doesn’t mean we’ll find whatever they're after.”

“Their true intentions will be revealed once we find them, whether they offer the information willingly or not.”

Cloud nodded his head slowly, already soothed by Sephiroth’s sheer certainty. The man was a legend. Surely he’d been in trickier situations than this. All he had to do was tough it out for now, which meant pretending he wasn’t stuck in a six square foot ice prison and wondering what he’d run out of first—mana or air.

**\-----**

The thing about going out to bars with Kunsel was, once Zack got into it, he was _into it._

After loosening up, it was almost too easy to slide back into his old routine. A fun night out here, a hookup there—he’d even agreed to a few dates with some of the people he’d met while he was out, though never more than one with the same person. It was exciting in a way, putting himself out there again even if he had no intention of getting serious with anyone any time soon.

Or ever, really.

What he wasn’t expecting was the sinking pit in his stomach as he stared down at a letter from Cloud. The first letter he’d received in more than a month now. It should’ve been relieving, finally hearing from his friend after so long—after worrying so much even on those nights he was out enjoying himself.

Normally he would’ve opened it and read it twice by now, yet here he was, thumbing over the seal and frowning. What was wrong with him?

“It’d be quicker just to open it,” Angeal suggested, eyeing him patiently.

They’d gone to lunch together, and were _supposed_ to be enjoying a movie night like the old days. He hadn’t been mentally prepared to find a letter from Cloud waiting for him when he got home.

“I feel weird about it,” Zack admitted.

“You told me no less than an hour ago that you were looking forward to hearing from Cloud again.”

He frowned. “I _am,_ but…”

“But what?”

“Do you know half the tower’s been sayin’ we broke up?” he asked slowly. Angeal chuckled softly, but nodded his head. “We were never together—not really. The whole thing was just funny, so we let ‘em all think whatever they wanted.”

“I’ve already told you how I feel about that. Misleading your peers—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Zack muttered, waving him off. “I remember.”

“If you and Cloud were as clear with one another as you told me, you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

Guilt…The word hit him hard, resonating in an instant. “I _shouldn’t._ We were on the same page for sure.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“It’s just…I didn’t _tell_ him I was gonna be messin’ around while he was gone. Our fake relationship’s over and he doesn’t even know it.”

“If there was nothing more between you, then you don’t need to worry about that. He’ll understand.”

“There wasn’t anything more,” he insisted, tired of saying so.

“Then open the letter.”

There was something of a rare challenge in Angeal’s voice, and Zack found himself staring at the envelope again. His heart was beating faster than it should’ve been, and his stomach still didn’t feel right. He took a deep breath, opening the envelope in one swift motion. As his eyes began scanning the page, some of his anxiousness began to subside, a fond smile forming on his face.

“How is he?” Angeal asked curiously.

“He’s good. Apparently ShinRa stopped doing supply drops and pick ups ‘cause they were in too deep,” Zack explained, still looking over the letter. “Most of the mission’s still classified, so he didn’t say much about it—just that he was right about something, and that he’d be home soon.”

He kept reading, pleased to discover the mission was actually _over_ now. They were waiting at the Icicle Inn for the official transport out, and enjoying some snowboarding in the meantime. Sephiroth had joined in, which clearly warranted a laugh—Zack could hardly even imagine that man in snowboarding gear, making his way down a mountain.

_PS—I cuddled with Sephiroth. Don’t tell Gen!_

His grin grew at that, smart enough to deduce that Cloud was probably telling the truth—it was cold up there, and body heat was the way to go in a rough situation. Even SOLDIERs weren’t fully exempt. How many people had he known who actually ended up passing out when they did missions up there? Zack had never been himself, but he’d heard ShinRa had an outpost up there just for situations like that. No one was allowed to be on their own in case one person needed to bring the other back to safety.

“Fuck,” he muttered, shaking his head. “I miss him.”

“He’ll be home soon, remember?”

Zack re-read those words for good measure, trying to convince himself it was true. Knowing it and feeling it were two different things though, and he knew nothing would chase away the ache he felt until he saw Cloud in person.

“You’re right,” Zack agreed, forcing a smile for Angeal’s benefit. “He’ll be home, and so will Seph. You know what that means?”

“Genesis will cheer up finally.”

“Cheer up?” he scoffed. “He’s not sad, he’s insufferable. And that’s in his own words. Did I tell you he actually apologized for snapping at me the other day?”

Angeal looked intrigued. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yeah, well. He heard all the rumors goin’ around about how me and Cloud were done, and went off on me about the whole thing. I told him the same thing I told you, and he basically said he’s been an ass ‘cause they’re both gone and we’ve been busy. I think he’s bored, to be honest.”

“He refuses to spend time with me when I offer,” Angeal said with a frown.

“Me too. I dunno what else I could’ve done—he slammed the door in my face last time I dropped by to see if he wanted to grab dinner.”

“We all handle separation differently,” his former mentor reasoned, earning a shrug from Zack. It was probably true, and who was he to criticize? He hadn’t exactly been sociable when Cloud first left either. “The important thing is, everyone’s returning home safely. It _is_ everyone, right? Not just the two of them?”

“Yeah. Cloud said they’re all good,” Zack confirmed with a smile.

“Good. How about we invite Genesis over for our movie night? I’m sure he’ll be in a better mood now that we have some good news.”

“Sounds good to me. You can be the one to ask, he likes you better.”

Angeal chuckled. “He’s known me longer. I don’t think that means he likes me better.”

“Yeah, but when was the last time he slammed a door in _your_ face?”

“Point taken. Maybe I’ll call first.”

Zack grinned as Angeal pulled out his PHS, genuinely hoping their mutual friend would say yes. It felt like they should be together, celebrating the good news even without making it a true celebration.

**\-----**

There were a lot of great things about Zack being a First Class SOLDIER, Cloud realized, and the list only ever seemed to grow. Before his deployment, it was fun to be able to tag along to various areas of the tower that were normally off limits to Seconds. It also meant Zack was authorized to hear all about his mission despite its classification level, which was convenient since he _really_ wanted to gush all about the whole thing.

More importantly than any of that though, was the fact it meant Zack could be there waiting the moment he got off the transport. Much like the chopper pad, it was another restricted area, only intended to be used by those leaving or returning from missions—or First Class SOLDIERs who could go almost anywhere they wanted at any time.

Cloud smiled where he sat, still buckled in as he thought about the first time he saw Zack after making the program. He’d been stuck among the crowd by the elevator after Zack’s big return, just another nuisance at the time. Now they were _friends,_ and Zack was the one waiting for him.

“What’re you smilin’ about, Strife?”

He looked across the transport at Higgins, one of the Seconds he’d been on mission with. “I’m just happy to be home.”

“Happy to see your boyfriend, you mean.”

“Everyone’s happy when they get to see Zack Fair,” Cloud responded with a shrug. No one even attempted to say otherwise, much to his own amusement. Obviously it was true. Even after a weird year, Zack was still one of the most well-liked SOLDIERs around. “Hey, Seph…what’re they gonna do with it?”

The rest of the team looked to their leader just as curiously, relieved someone had asked the pressing question. Sephiroth shook his head though, ever so slightly. “They have yet to tell me the specifics.”

“What do you think though?” Higgins jumped in, edging toward the front of his seat.

“I assume it will be studied, as all newly discovered materia are.”

By Genesis, Cloud concluded, growing more sure of it when Sephiroth met his gaze. There was no one better within the company when it came to materia theory, and they would never let someone else hold onto a new ‘asset’.

He could only hope his mentor would keep him informed. It felt like he had a personal stake in the outcome, having been the one to discover the materia personally. Well, with Sephiroth’s help, but still. The entire mission had really taken a turn after their intentional snow burial, leading the two of them to the hideout the scavengers had been using. The battle that followed was one he’d never forget, mostly because Sephiroth was so damn _fast._

It turned out they really were materia-hunters, just as Cloud suspected. What he hadn’t expected was for the materia itself to have been the initial source of the disturbances, which was why the whole thing was so strange. There was something odd about that materia—so odd that Sephiroth hadn’t allowed anyone to touch it once it’d fallen into his possession.

“The details of this mission will remain classified until further notice,” Sephiroth reminded the group, not even two seconds before the transport came to an immediate halt.

His heart spiked, sure that they’d finally arrived. The conversation was over as far as he was concerned, freeing himself from his buckles before moving impatiently toward the door. He couldn’t quite remember the last time he’d been this excited—maybe when he’d first left Nibelheim, still under the delusion he’d make SOLDIER right away. It was irrelevant now, as the doors swung open and he saw Zack standing amongst the four elite Firsts waiting for their arrival.

What he hadn’t prepared for was Genesis intercepting him before he could throw himself into Zack’s arms.

“Welcome home, dear,” his mentor greeted, so genuinely pleased that Cloud couldn’t help the wave of fondness that coursed through him.

Gaia…he knew he’d missed Genesis too, but he hadn’t expected this at all. The man very rarely showed him any kind of affection in public, and frankly, he’d expected Sephiroth to dominate Genesis’ attention for at least a solid week. He wrapped his arms around his mentor tightly, muttering his own greeting before he was released. Or, mostly released—two firm hands on his shoulders kept him in place, staring up curiously.

“I expect to see you in the training room first thing tomorrow morning,” Genesis said, almost in warning. Cloud opened his mouth in protest, but bit it back when he saw how serious the man was. So much for taking it easy for a couple days. “I’m well aware you’ve spent your last few days vacationing at the Icicle Inn.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow,” Cloud promised, smiling slightly.

“Good. Now, carry on,” he said, letting go and stepping aside in favor of going to greet Sephiroth.

It was an exchange he would’ve liked to see, but he had no chance because another set of arms was already around him, just as all-encompassing as he remembered.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Zack murmured, kissing his temple without letting go.

“I missed you, too.”

“Can’t believe Gen did that. He knew I was s’pose to be first.”

“He probably knew he’d be quicker,” Cloud reasoned, sighing comfortably against his friend. “I could stay like this all day if you let me.”

“Yeah? You sure you wouldn’t rather go home with them so you can cuddle Seph some more?”

He snorted. “I’m pretty sure Seph would let me. He said I’m very compact.”

“Big sweet talker, eh?” Zack joked, only holding him tighter. “You _are_ kinda compact. Makes it fun to hold you.”

“Whatever. I’m just as good at holding _you,_ and you know it.”

“I’m not denying it.”

The teasing stopped there, but neither budged even as the other SOLDIERs began to clear out. It was easy to lose track of time when he was so comfortable, and it was easy to stay still when he was exactly where he wanted to be after nearly three months away.

“Hey, Cloud?”

He quirked a brow, not used to hearing his real name from Zack. “Yeah?”

“There’s somethin’ I need to tell you before we go up the elevator,” Zack replied, almost _too_ casually. He pulled back enough to meet his friend’s eyes, patient and curious. “Everyone kinda thinks we broke up while you were gone. Or before you left, actually.”

“Okay,” he said, shrugging. “That’s fine.”

“You’re not gonna ask why?”

“It’s not like we were really together anyway, right? You’re the one who told me not to care so much what everyone thought.”

“I fucked around while you were gone,” Zack admitted, hand on the back of his neck as he frowned down apologetically. “People were sayin’ I was cheating at first, but then the rumor changed to us breakin’ up before you left and I didn’t bother correcting anyone.”

The way Zack was staring down had Cloud braced for more—for some horrible story or bit of gossip that might make him uncomfortable about going up and showing his face to some of the nosy assholes who were likely waiting on the main levels. But that was it, he realized, frowning.

“Zack, it’s okay,” he said, confused. “It’s not like we were ever a thing. I didn’t expect you to wait around for me.”

“I know, but I still feel like we shoulda talked about it first.”

“You weren’t ready to sleep around when all this started,” Cloud reminded him with a small smile. “I knew from the start you would be eventually. It’s fine. I’m happy you had fun while I was gone.”

“Yeah?” Zack asked, not hiding his uncertainty.

He nodded his head firmly. “Yeah.”

“It doesn’t even bother you a little?”

“Nope,” he shrugged. “Why would it?”

“I dunno. It bothers _me,_ you know?”

For the first time in as long as he could remember, he found himself shaking his head, unsure what Zack meant. “I appreciate you being concerned about my reputation around here, but really. It’s fine. It’s a relief, actually.”

“A relief?” Zack repeated, still skeptical.

“Yeah. I mean, we were having fun, but it’s not really _me,_ you know? I did a lot of thinking while I was gone, and I feel like I’ve really settled into who I am now.”

“And…?”

“And I wouldn’t change a thing that happened between us,” Cloud said with a smile. “Maybe it’s the right time for it to stop though. You’re good without me, and I think I might be ready to find someone.”

“Find someone?”

He snorted, not ever remembering a conversation when Zack repeated him so often. Maybe it was just the fact that they were both a little overwhelmed—too happy about being reunited to be as in sync with one another as usual.

Whatever it was, it had him elaborating, “Yeah. Like a boyfriend. A real one. When I was gone, the other guys would tell me stories about their girlfriends, and it just clicked. I want that myself. Not a girlfriend, but, you know—someone to come home to after these trips.”

“You came home to _me.”_

“I know, and I’m glad. I wouldn’t want anyone else here waiting for me.”

“Except you _do,”_ Zack concluded, hands on his hips and looking oddly perturbed. “Look, I know I’m not the best person to be givin’ relationship advice, but trying to get with someone just so you have someone waiting while your gone is—”

“A horrible idea,” Cloud finished with a nod. “I know that. It’s also mean and kind of selfish when you put it like that.”

“Exactly. You gotta really wanna be with someone to make it work as a SOLDIER, and they hafta feel the same about you. None of it has anything to do with wanting someone to miss you while you’re gone, and you’ve already got that anyway.”

“I know,” he said with a small smile, stepping in close before tip toeing up to give his friend a quick, platonic kiss. He’d really missed that, too. “It’s more than that. I _like_ being in a relationship. I’m not going to force it if I can’t find anyone, but I know what I want and I’m gonna go for it when I see it.”

Zack stared down at him, tense where he stood. “As long as you’re sure.”

“I am,” he said confidently, linking his fingers with Zack. “Now, come on! Let’s go confuse the crap out of everyone who thinks we’re ex-boyfriends. I wanna go cuddle and watch a movie. Oh, and order food! I’m starving.”

Zack squeezed his hand, shooting him an amused look. “Yes, dear.”

**\-----**

It only took Cloud three months to find a boyfriend, which wasn’t exactly a surprise to Zack. If anyone knew how amazing Cloud was, it was _him,_ and there were practically people lining up for a chance after their ‘breakup’ was confirmed. Mostly SOLDIERs, but Cloud didn’t choose any of them. Instead he settled on some civilian who worked down in the theatre district—someone Genesis had introduced him to after a show that he hadn’t even wanted to attend in the first place.

“I don’t like him,” Zack decided with a simple shrug.

“Why? He’s been nothing but nice to you, and even nicer to me,” Cloud said, clearly confused. “He’s funny and considerate.”

“He’s an actor!”

Cloud snorted. “He’s not. He works special effects. And even if he was an actor, so what?”

“So you’re the one who told me you don’t like how your exes would put on a show before changing a few months in. I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“I don’t think that’s happening here, but…thanks, I guess. I can look out for myself though.”

Three months of feeling uneasy about Cloud looking for a boyfriend, and it finally clicked why the whole thing put him off so much. It wasn’t that he was jealous or anything so blatant like Kunsel and Genesis seemed to think. It was just that—what Cloud said.

He could look out for himself. That meant he didn’t need Zack, and he wasn’t sure how to handle that. Wasn’t he the one who’d soothed away all those old insecurities Cloud had carried around? The uncertainty that seemed to strike at the weirdest times?

“What’s really bothering you?” Cloud pressed, eyes raking over him—clearly noticing how tense he was, and how uncomfortable the whole situation was making him feel. “Zack?”

“Everything’s gonna change now, isn’t it?” Zack asked finally, meeting his gaze. “I’m back in the field next week, and you…you’re gonna be busier, too. Finding time for relationships isn’t easy between missions.”

“Yeah, but I’m done with my training hours now.”

Zack snorted. “Yeah, but you’re still gonna train. I know you, and I know Gen. Being officially done doesn’t mean anything—not when you haven’t taken down the enemy or whatever it is he’s calling me these days.”

“He doesn’t want to take _you_ down, just your record,” Cloud clarified with an amused smile. “And I don’t care about that. I never have.”

“Yeah, but I know you. You’re still gonna humor him and train just as hard.”

“Because I want to be better than I am right now.”

“Where’s that leave you and me?” Zack wondered, looking down to where their hands were joined. Fingers laced, like it was the most natural thing for them. “Does your boyfriend know how things are with us?”

Just because the sex stopped didn’t mean anything else changed. If anything, they were more affectionate than ever. Platonic hand holding was a staple in their friendship, as was cuddling. They still exchanged quick, happy pecks most days, and always seemed to have an arm around each other even when they weren’t holding hands. It confused most people, leaving them to wonder if the golden boys had gotten back together. Except this time they were open about telling people they weren’t together rather than ignoring the questions to allow speculation.

Would it confuse Cloud’s boyfriend just as much, or would it change the dynamic of their friendship instead?

“You and me are the same,” Cloud promised, squeezing his hand. “It’s not like things are serious with him. We’ve barely been together for a week!”

“Okay,” Zack said, forcing a smile.

“Zack…I’m serious. Nothing’s going to change with us.”

“Maybe not right away, but it will. And, you know, that’s okay,” he reasoned, letting out a sigh. “Sorry, Spike.”

“For _what?”_

“For gettin’ dramatic about all this. I’m glad you found someone you think will make you happy. I think I’m just stressed about getting back to work— _really_ back to work. I’ve been doin’ classes for so long now, it’s gonna be weird getting out there again.”

Cloud let go of his hand then, maneuvering himself from Zack’s side right into Zack’s lap, straddling him with purpose. Zack’s hands were on his hips without a conscious thought, allowing Cloud to hold his full attention even before the blond’s hands cupped his cheeks.

“You’re gonna be awesome,” Cloud told him softly. “You always are.”

Zack stared up, entranced by the look on his friend’s face…the calm certainty. When did this happen between them—where _Cloud_ was the one reassuring him about random insecurities? It felt like a complete role reversal, yet somehow he didn’t mind it even in the slightest. His grip tightened on his friend’s waist, and he couldn’t help smiling as Cloud pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

“We’re gonna be fine, too,” Cloud added. “You’re too important to me. I won’t let anyone come between us.”

“Neither will I,” he decided, growing more confident in that truth as well. “You know, it’s kinda hot when you get assertive like this.”

Cloud snorted right in his face. “Too bad you’re the only one I feel comfortable enough around to do this to.”

“I like it that way,” Zack replied, holding Cloud in place before he could slide away. “You think you’d be interested in going on a mission together?”

“Uh, yeah,” Cloud agreed easily. “You realize I used to dream about going on missions with you, right? Literally.”

“I’m gonna talk to Lazard about it—see if he has anything for us.”

“He’s not my biggest fan lately.”

Zack quirked a brow, not expecting that. Last he checked, Lazard was consistently impressed by Cloud’s skills. “Why’s that?”

“He turned me down for promotion twice now, even when _Sephiroth_ was the one who recommended me.”

“I told you, it’s too soon. Doesn’t matter what you do, or how good you are, or who puts your name forward—it’s gonna take time.” He studied his friend, curious to see he was still pouting a bit. “What else is buggin’ you?”

“He still won’t let me try out that materia. The one I found with Seph back when we were up north.”

“That’s just business. It’s got nothin’ to do with you personally.”

“No one’s been able to do anything with it though. Not even Gen! I know if he just gave me a chance—”

“Spike, you’re only a Second. You’ve already got a claim over Odin, and you have Shiva checked out so often that she may as well be yours too. He can’t keep giving you every summon we find. Especially not unknown ones like whatever it is you guys found up there.”

“I _felt_ it though. When I picked it up, it was like a jolt of energy went right through me. But it was bright, and…” Cloud sighed, shaking his head as he remembered the blinding light he’d seen when he closed his eyes. “I can’t even describe it.”

“Why didn’t you try it back then?”

“Sephiroth said not to. That it wasn’t safe.”

“And you thought he was right,” Zack concluded with a knowing look. “I dunno what to tell you, Spike. You can’t monopolize the summon stock when there’s only so many to go around.”

“Most SOLDIERs specialize in physical combat anyway. There are Firsts who can barely summon _anything,_ let alone something advanced.”

“The only way Lazard’s gonna let you touch that materia is if you teach someone else how to play nice with Odin.”

“There’s nothing to teach. Don’t you think Gen would’ve gotten it out of me by now if I had some trick?”

“I know that, and _you_ know that—doesn’t mean the execs do though, and there’s nothin’ Lazard can do about it. They don’t get how any of this works.”

“There’s a reason Odin won’t come forward for just anyone,” Cloud said, brows furrowed. “He’s dangerous, and he knows it.”

“I know.”

“Even Seph agrees. After what happened on the glacier, he told me never to summon Odin around anyone I didn’t know could be trusted.”

Zack nodded along, remembering the story well. Both Cloud and Sephiroth had told him on separate occasions—the materia had started to heat up where Cloud had it equipped, calling out for Cloud to summon him during a battle with some creatures. They’d been surrounded thanks to some kind of trap set up by the materia-hunters.

Odin decimated the creatures in a single blow.

It was a similar story to what Cloud had told him way back when, after Cloud had called the summon forth during one of his earlier solo missions. The fact that _Sephiroth_ suggested caution spoke volumes though, telling Zack the summon might be deadlier than even Cloud suspected. The execs would probably station him in a warzone right away—have him summon Odin in the middle of the battlefield, not caring who got caught up in the widespread deathblow so long as it brought the war to a decisive end.

Was a victory like that worth having?

Zack shook his head slowly. “Your best bet would be to try teaching Gen or Seph. No one else. At least then they could justify why no one else can manage the cast. Maybe it’s not fair, but their opinions count more than yours.”

“Gen tried and tried with Odin. He doesn’t feel anything when he holds the materia.”

“And Seph?”

Cloud frowned. “He just said he was unable.”

“He can feel it, then. Talk to Gen about it—see if he can’t drag Seph to one of your training sessions.”

“Odin gets pissed when I try to call him during training. He’s not like a normal summon.”

“Yeah, but you’re still the summoner. You’re in charge, Spike. As long as you’re not misusing the connection, it’s fine, right?”

“I don’t know. I’m not an expert, and neither are you.”

“So talk to Gen,” Zack repeated, leaning up to steal another quick kiss. “You still wanna go on a mission with me, right? Even if you’re busy with all that?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Good. Maybe I can talk Lazard into sending us somewhere nice. Costa Del Sol sounds good.”

“It sounds more like a vacation actually.”

“Nah. There’s always work to be done outside that place to keep the area safe for tourists. And if we get to hit the beach before comin’ home, it doesn’t need to make it into the mission report.”

“Does Lazard like you _that_ much?”

“Uh, everyone likes me that much.”

Cloud rolled his eyes, but much to Zack’s pleasure, he didn’t disagree.

**\-----**

It had sounded like a reasonable idea at first, working with Sephiroth. They’d been comrades in the field for months, and the mission had been classified as an overall success. Gaia, they’d even _cuddled_ for warmth when they were trapped in that ice prison.

But this? This was different, and all wrong. Under no circumstances was _Cloud Strife_ supposed to be the one teaching the most powerful SOLDIER in the program how to do anything. Yet here he was, hand over his mouth as the man finally managed to call Odin forward after more than two weeks of failed attempts.

“Holy shit,” Cloud murmured, eyes wide as he stared at the summon who had been his and his alone all this time now. “He’s pissed, isn’t he?”

Sephiroth looked from Odin to Cloud before nodding. “Yes. He feels we are wasting his time, as there is no pressing threat in the room.”

“No wonder you could never call him before. Nothing’s a pressing threat to _you.”_

“I would disagree, though the sentiment may hold an element of truth. There was no present danger during any of my previous attempts.”

Cloud eyed the summon, feeling strangely drawn to him despite the fact he hadn’t been the one to call Odin forward this time. He took a few steps closer, confident that _he_ wouldn’t be targeted by Odin—not unless he drew his sword and moved to attack, which would never happen.

“He has no interest in attacking you,” Sephiroth confirmed, studying their exchange.

“Easy there,” Cloud whispered, reaching a hand out to Sleipnir, the great steed Odin mounted at all times. To his surprised, the creature remained at ease, allowing Cloud to pet his snout as if he were a tamed horse on a farm. There was a connection among them, Cloud realized, even if he wasn’t the one with the materia equipped. “You know me, don’t you?”

“They have accepted you as a worthy master.”

“And you?” Cloud asked, still petting the creature as he eyed Sephiroth.

“I believe they see me as a nuisance at the moment.”

Sleipnir neighed at that, kicking up on his hind legs and causing Cloud to take a SOLDIER’s leap backward. Then the great steed jumped forward, taking Odin back to wherever it was they came from. Home, Cloud hoped.

“What was different this time?” he wondered, looking to Sephiroth as if the First had been the teacher all along.

“I cannot be certain. Curiosity, perhaps,” Sephiroth guessed.

“Because you kept pulling on the bond. They wanted to see what you were up to?”

“Possibly.”

“Well, this is great! You can tell Lazard you can do it now, and I can give the new one a try!”

“It may be unwise to report this success to Lazard. He will expect others to be taught much the same way.”

“That won’t work though. There’s obviously some kinda pre-requisite to being able to call Odin. You have a connection to Nibelheim, don’t you?” Cloud asked, arms folded across his chest. Sephiroth nodded, though he didn’t elaborate. “That’s one thing then. Everyone else who’s touched the materia hasn’t felt anything.”

“There are no other SOLDIERs from your hometown to test that theory.”

“Do you have the new one with you?”

“No. Genesis is under orders not to allow anyone else to handle it until he completes his research.”

Cloud frowned, wondering why his mentor hadn’t told _him_ that much. It was also curious that Genesis would follow the rules so carefully, even withholding the materia from Sephiroth. Of all the SOLDIERs within the company, Genesis was one of the least likely to abide by the rules.

“It has something to do with the crater, doesn’t it?” Cloud concluded, not needing a response to know the answer. Sephiroth remained silent anyway, which felt like confirmation. The mystery crater that had appeared north of the glacier—one that hadn’t been present during ShinRa’s last scouting mission to the area. “What kind of summon could do that kind of damage to the Planet?”

“We do not yet know if the summon was used to create the crater, or to prevent worse destruction.”

“I wish we’d been able to go up there and explore.”

“The Turks are handling that particular investigation.”

He snorted, not seeing how that was fair. After all the work his team had put in up there, finding the materia and stopping the hunters from harassing travelers at the Icicle Inn, surely they deserved to learn more about the situation.

“Secrets will always be a part of the job, Cloud. The sooner you accept this, the better.”

“I understand,” he muttered, forcing a smile as he looked up at Sephiroth. “I guess that’s it, then. We don’t need to do this anymore.”

Sephiroth hummed in agreement, unequipping Odin from his bracer and handing the materia back to Cloud. “I believe this belongs to you.”

“Odin doesn’t belong to anyone.”

“Precisely why you should have him,” Sephiroth responded simply.

His fingers curled around the materia, a familiar charge running through him as he nodded at the First’s words. “Okay.”

“Thank you, Cloud.”

“You’re thanking _me?”_ Cloud responded with a chuckle.

“Yes. This has been a refreshing experience.”

How long had it been since Sephiroth learned something new? Years and years, he assumed. “It’s no problem. I had fun.”

“If there is anything you need from me, feel free to ask.”

“Um, actually…” His eyes lit up, remembering something Zack had told him recently. Sephiroth’s opinion mattered more than most. “I had an idea about the program. About some changes that might help.”

“Such as?”

“It’s kind of stupid we’re all viewed the same even though we have different specialties. I shouldn’t be barred from using new materia just because Firsts like Zack who have no interest in materia won’t get a chance to try it out.”

“I am inclined to agree.”

“So why not break us down more? I could be a Second Class caster instead of a Second Class. Zack could be a First Class swordsman instead of a First Class. And _you…_ I mean, you’d just be First Class, since you’re good at everything.”

“Increased specialization would be beneficial during the training process.”

“Exactly! There’s tons of good reasons to push for this, but no one really cares what I have to say. Not yet.”

Sephiroth studied him a moment before nodding once. “Very well. I will bring the suggestion to Lazard.”

Cloud was practically beaming at how simple it was to get Sephiroth to agree, though he knew that was only the first step. Convincing Sephiroth it was a good idea was one thing, but Lazard? That was another. And then there was the executive board to tackle…

How many hours did sword fighters spend struggling to learn how to summon though? A skill they never used in combat, but were required to devote precious training hours to. It seemed like common sense that they would benefit from spending that time on skills they would actually use in the field.

Sephiroth took his leave a few minutes later, leaving Cloud with his thoughts. That had gone better than he could’ve imagined, even if he knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up just yet. Even if the whole board agreed unanimously, overhauling the entire program would take time. Years, maybe.

Still, he pulled out his PHS, dialing Zack without hesitation. “Shit,” he cursed, openly disappointed when his friend didn’t answer.

Zack wasn’t out on a mission or training...They were constantly aware of each other’s schedules, supporting one another and planning out their nights together when they both had free time. Zack knew he was with Sephiroth though, which probably meant he’d gone out for the night.

His enthusiasm dwindled at the realization, well aware that meant his friend was on some kind of conquest for the night. Sure, he was happy Zack was putting himself out there more, but it kind of sucked when he thought about it too much. Maybe it was selfish, but he missed the days when they spent all their free time together. It used to be Zack would pick up every time he called, and the same was true when the situation was reversed.

A sigh later, he was calling his boyfriend, deciding it’d be nice to go for dinner or something anyway.

**\-----**

It took a few weeks longer than expected, but Zack had _finally_ landed himself a vacation. Two full weeks in Costa Del Sol, all on ShinRa’s tab since he’d officially be there on business. Delivering some paperwork that didn’t require his particular skill set to hand over.

Cloud tagging along was the bonus. The Second was due for some time off, after all—or so Zack had convinced Lazard. With his training hours finally complete and more missions under his belt than any other SOLDIER so far that year, it was the right move. Even a SOLDIER could get burnt out without _some_ time off here and there.

“So your boyfriend really doesn’t mind you takin’ off with me like this?” Zack asked, lounging back on the beach with his hands crossed behind his head.

Cloud was in a similar position, a bit further away than he would’ve preferred. “Nope. He’s been really cool about all this—you and me.”

“Most people wouldn’t like their boyfriend being so close to someone else.”

“Yeah, but we’re close as friends. That’s the difference.”

Zack hummed in agreement. “Right. Friends.”

“If he’d had a big problem with you and me, I would’ve ended it by now. I like how accepting he is.”

“You woulda ended a perfectly good relationship with a great dude if he said he didn’t like us holding hands and goofing around?” Zack wondered, propping himself up on his elbows and taking a good look at his friend. Cloud didn’t so much as blink when he nodded his head in easy agreement. “ _Why?_ I mean, I like how things are with us too, but—”

“It’s not just about you and me,” Cloud cut in firmly. “It’s the principle of it. I’m not going to change a bunch of things just to be with someone. He either likes me as is, or he doesn’t.”

“Compromise is important in relationships.”

“Well, yeah, but there’s a difference between compromising and changing.”

That was true, Zack realized. How much had _he_ compromised for Chris, back when they were still together? He’d changed around his schedule whenever he could, opted out of assignments he really wanted—he’d even taken up a few new hobbies.

The one thing he never did though, was try to get out of SOLDIER. Chris had hinted from time to time that there _was_ a way out of the program. SOLDIERs didn’t retire or quit their job, but they could transfer into another field so long as they stayed with ShinRa. That was all a part of the contract he’d signed years ago, though he’d never given leaving any real thought.

At the end of the day, he’d always loved his job. Sure, there were ups and downs, and sometimes he lost sight of the bigger picture, but that happened to every SOLDIER at some point. Even after losing so many friends in Wutai, there was very little he’d change about his job. Especially now that he was back in the field, seeing how his actions had a direct impact on people's lives.

“I guess you’re off to a good start,” Zack concluded, bothered by his own words. Maybe it was just the memories this conversation was stirring up—something just felt off to him. “The less you compromise now, the better.”

“Exactly. I mean, I guess I am doing some things differently now…I’ve gone to the theatre district a lot more than I ever would’ve wanted to before,” Cloud admitted with a soft laugh. “It’s not my favorite place, but it’s not so bad.”

“Still can’t believe you ended up with one of Gen’s buddies,” Zack huffed, not hiding his eye roll when Cloud shot him an annoyed look. “I’m just sayin’, it’s kinda random.”

“Not really. I’ve met dozens of his acquaintance since my training hours ended. We’re friends now—he’s not my mentor anymore.”

“I know, but it’s still weird.”

“You’re the one who told me Gen was my type, remember?”

“And you’re the one who disagreed!”

“Well, then it’s a good thing Dillan’s nothing like Genesis. They just have a few common interests.”

Zack grumbled a bit, not caring how petulant it was. He really didn’t bring Cloud all the way out here to talk about boyfriends or dating or anything like this. They were supposed to be kicking back and having fun, just the two of them. Ever since Cloud started hanging around that guy, it felt like they’d seen less and less of each other.

“I’m kinda sick of talking about him,” Zack admitted, holding Cloud’s gaze.

“Me too. Between your missions and hookups—”

“And your dates.”

“Right,” Cloud conceded, brows furrowed. “Between all that, we don’t get as much time like this. We should be having fun right now.”

“Wanna go for a swim?”

“Uh, I’m kinda working on my tan here,” he joked, gesturing to his pale chest.

Zack’s eyes followed the movement, taking in his friend’s features. It’d been way too long since he _really_ got to look at Cloud like this, and there was no denying he missed it. As easy as it was to think of Cloud as a caster, that was just because Genesis’ insistence—his friend was built like a swordsman these days, lean and muscled in all the right places.

By the time Zack’s eyes made it back up to his face, he was pleased to see a slight blush there from his long gaze. “Somethin’ tells me you’re not the type to tan.”

“I skip right to burnt,” Cloud confirmed with a tiny smile.

“Then I may as well get you outta the sun,” he decided, moving until he was hovering over his friend, using his own body to create a shadow over Cloud. “How’s that?”

Cloud looked up at him, eyes dancing with amusement. “Could be better.”

His face tilted to the side before Zack could lean down and peck him on the mouth, but it didn’t phase him in the least. Instead he kissed Cloud’s cheek twice before moving down to his neck, smirking a bit when Cloud didn’t try to stop him—he tilted his head further to the side instead, wrapping his arms around Zack’s neck the way he used to when they laid like this in bed.

Fuck, he missed that. He’d been around _a lot_ lately, but nothing ever came close to how good things felt with Cloud. How natural. It wasn’t even the physical aspects either—it was the way they’d laugh together. The way they’d talk afterward, both their walls completely down. Not that they were guarded when they spoke to one another on a regular basis, but there was always something more raw about what they shared in those moments.

It was only a little while later when they finally made it into the water and he caught sight of the mark he’d left on his friend’s neck that he wondered…were platonic love bites a thing?

**\-----**

When Cloud told Zack nothing would change between them, he genuinely believed it was true. There was no _reason_ anything should change between them, boyfriend or not—the handholding, the kissing? It was nothing but innocent fun between friends.

What he hadn’t foreseen was the impact it would have on his relationship as time went on. Why should it matter? That was his initial thought, barely a month into his relationship. A couple months later, he knew better. It did matter, though he still hadn’t quite figured out _why._

“So, let me get this straight,” Genesis began, fixing him with an unimpressed look. “Dillan has no problem with it whatsoever, yet you’ve taken it upon yourself to tell Zack you can no longer behave as freely with one another as you’d both like.”

“Pretty much.”

“Have you grown tired of holding Zack Fair’s hand, or did something happen to warrant this change?”

“It’s not that I grew tired of it. I love how easy things are with me and Zack,” Cloud insisted, adamant about that much. “It’s just…”

Genesis let out an exasperated breath. “Not as easy with Dillan.”

“Yeah.”

“The more you hold Zack’s hand, the more you notice it’s not the same.”

“Exactly!”

“Rather than comparing the two, you’ve decided to pull back physically from Zack—to allow yourself to focus on your new relationship.”

“Yes!” Cloud all but exclaimed, relieved it made sense to _someone._

It sure as hell didn’t make sense to him, but he couldn’t change how he felt—how _weird_ he felt when he even thought about the whole situation.

Frankly, he’d prefer _not_ to think about it or talk about it, but it was hard to avoid when Genesis knew everyone involved. Obviously he’d heard about the entire mess from either Zack or Dillan, which really did nothing to ease how anxious Cloud felt about it all.

“Did it ever occur to you to pull back from Dillan instead? If something doesn’t feel right this early on in your relationship, it’s fair to assume it never will.”

“Gen…I have to give him a chance, I mean, Dillan’s great.” So great he didn’t even mind that Cloud was close with Zack. All it had taken was a single explanation about how they held hands for fun sometimes—that they exchanged a platonic kiss here and there. His boyfriend had just smiled and said _okay,_ unbothered by the idea of friends being so touchy. Apparently he had other friends who were just as affectionate, so it didn't seem weird in the slightest. “He’s almost too good to be true.”

“When I introduced you, it was purely a courtesy. You weren’t supposed to become _involved.”_

Cloud rolled his eyes, having heard that numerous times already.

Their training hours had been officially completed months ago, but fortunately (or unfortunately, at times) Genesis still wanted to help Cloud out beyond the required hours—since there were still records to beat, obviously. It was different though, without any requirements to fulfill. The schedule was less rigorous even if the training itself was more advanced, and there was a lot more down time.

It gave them time to finally cross an inevitable line. Instead of being a student and a mentor, they were friends. There was a heavy focus on Cloud’s progress, but it wasn’t their main priority anymore. Sometimes they’d just _talk…_ Over dinner, over paperwork—it didn’t matter. Sometimes Genesis would bring Cloud along to the theatre, which was how he’d met Dillan in the first place. His boyfriend was just one of the various acquaintances Genesis had in the theatre district, most of whom Cloud had already met as well.

“It doesn’t matter why you introduced us,” Cloud reasoned, bored from saying this so many times. “We hit it off, and the rest is between me and him.”

“You say that, yet you come to me about the situation time and time again,” Genesis reminded him, shaking his head dramatically. “You already know what I have to say on the subject. Dillan is wonderful, but he’ll never measure up to Zack. Not in your eyes.”

“Zack and I are just friends.”

“I refuse to have this debate again. You’re so convinced you’re right, you’ve yet to truly consider the possibility of being wrong.”

“Even if I was wrong, and there _was_ something between Zack and I…” He couldn’t help but laughing a bit at the hypothetical. “We don’t want the same things. Zack’s sworn off relationships, remember?”

“Everyone who experiences a difficult breakup swears off relationships for a time.”

“They’ve been broken up a long time now. He’s over it.”

“He’s never been the quickest to make sense of his emotions.”

“Neither have I,” Cloud admitted with a shrug. “That’s why I need some space from him. Physically, at least.”

“So you admit it, then? You feel something for him?”

“I don’t think I do, but it’s confusing, okay? When we were in Costa Del Sol, we had the best time,” he said, frustrated by the pang in his chest as he thought about it. “I kept thinking the only thing that would’ve made it better was if I didn’t have a boyfriend to worry about. It was like I couldn’t tell where the line was anymore.”

“The line between what Dillan would find acceptable and unacceptable, or…?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve spoken with him on this subject. He’s fine with your version of platonic with Zack.”

“Yeah, he was,” Cloud admitted, hand on his neck as he remembered the marks Zack had left on him during that trip. “But he might not be fine with _everything,_ you know?”

“No, I don’t. You’ve been nothing but vague when it comes to discussing the details of your little vacation.”

“I felt like I was cheating on Dillan even though I wasn’t,” he tried to explain, letting out an uncomfortable sigh. It wasn’t like Dillan hadn’t _seen_ the marks upon Cloud’s turn. That was the first time he’d felt awkward explaining himself, detailing the way Zack had periodically latched onto his neck throughout the trip. The lazy kisses they’d exchanged on the beach went unmentioned, and he _still_ felt guilty about that despite the fact Dillan already knew they kissed from time to time. Something about that whole trip had just been different, and he couldn’t pinpoint why. “The worst part was, I _wanted_ to. Every time Zack looked at me, I wished we could go back to our room and just…”

Genesis raised an interested brow. “I see.”

It was the first time he’d admitted these thoughts aloud, and it all sounded just as terrible as it did in his head. “I’m a horrible person,” he concluded, burying his face in his hands.

“Far from it. You’re young and stubborn, but not horrible.”

“I want to be committed to Dillan. He’s the kind of person I’ve always seen myself with.”

“And in order for you to do that—”

“I have to stop daydreaming about Zack,” Cloud finished firmly, nodding at his own certainty. “I wish I’d listened to you from the start. Sleeping together was a terrible idea.”

“Yet you refuse to listen to me now, as if I’ve ever lead you astray in all our time together.”

“Gen…” Cloud bit back a sigh, knowing it was unwarranted. Technically Genesis was right—he’d been hard on Cloud at times, but always kept him on the right track. “If I wanted Zack, I’d just tell him. I wouldn’t waste time with Dillan.”

“Perhaps you should take some time for yourself to figure it out.”

“No. Things are good with Dillan! I’m not going to break it off now before we really even have a chance to be together.”

“Young and stubborn,” Genesis repeated, shaking his head dismally.

**\-----**

At first it had annoyed him, seeing Cloud with his boyfriend. There was just something about the guy that felt off, and Zack could never quite put his finger on it. Sure, he was nice enough, but lots of people were _nice._ What Cloud deserved was someone awesome—someone remarkable in every way. Nice just didn’t cut it.

Yet somehow they’d lasted an unexpected amount of time, and it occurred to Zack at some point that _annoyed_ was no longer the right word. Six months in, and his mind was constantly filled with frustrations when it came to that man…and something much different when it came to Cloud.

“You’re jealous,” Genesis told him, plain and simple. And a bit bored, if Zack knew his friend as well as he liked to think. Not that Zack could blame him for that—how long had Genesis been hearing about his problems now?

“I’m jealous,” he confirmed, frowning at the word.

Gaia, he never liked jealous people. It just didn’t suit anyone—things were best when people could just be happy for one another rather than stuck on their own missed opportunities or desires. Now that he was feeling it himself, he knew it was a lot easier said than done to ignore though.

He’d never felt this way before. Not even when he’d first met Derrick. Irrationally angry, sure, but jealous? The guy had always been too much of a jerk for Zack to truly envy him in any way. It was obvious Chris wouldn’t stay with someone like that indefinitely, regardless of whether or not they would rekindle their relationship.

Cloud’s boyfriend though—that guy was nice, even six months later. He had his funny moments, and he had his intellectual moments. He was sweet and considerate and all those other things Cloud liked to talk about. And he _did_ talk about it, all the time.

When did it start to bother him so much?

“I just don’t get it,” Zack said, letting out a long overdue sigh. “I never thought of Cloud like that, you know? Even when we were sleeping together, he was just Cloud. My best friend. Why do I care _now?”_

“I think you’ve cared far longer than you realize,” Genesis responded, tsking. “Perhaps not as long as I assumed, but you were reasonably distracted when your friendship first began.”

“So you don’t think I’m feeling this way just because he has a boyfriend now? You think this is real?”

“Of course it’s real. Think of all that’s changed since Cloud started seeing that man. The two of you were so caught up in your little game of pretend that you didn’t even notice when you blurred the line.”

When the handholding became comforting instead of comfortable, and their kisses became indulgent instead of innocent…Fuck, Zack’s heart ached at the thought, missing how simple things were between them. Now he could barely hug Cloud without it being an issue because apparently Cloud’s boyfriend didn’t understand the physical nature of their friendship.

That was what he assumed at least, since Cloud had told him they needed to cool it several months back. Right after swearing up and down things wouldn’t have to change just because he was seeing someone. None of it made any sense.

How desperately had he missed his friend while he was deployed up north? How _guilty_ had he felt when he started messing around with other people? Kunsel had been right—he had it bad. He’d just been too stubborn to even think about it back then. Too stuck in the moment, when things had still been solid between him and Cloud.

Would it have made a difference if he’d admitted it back then?

“I don’t think he ever felt the same,” Zack said, glancing up at Genesis tentatively. “He didn’t even blink when I told him I started sleeping with other people.”

“He wasn’t supposed to,” Genesis reasoned, shrugging it off. “You’d laid out clear terms in advance, leaving him no room to be upset with your behavior.”

“I dunno. I think he still would’ve reacted, you know?”

“His immediate decision to seek out a relationship of his own doesn’t strike you as a reaction?”

“Why’d you go and introduce them then? If you thought—”

“I introduced my student to an acquaintance of mine,” Genesis cut in, snorting at the notion. “I had no idea they’d hit it off so well. It’s not as if they have much in common—I practically dragged Cloud to that show.”

Zack sighed again, disgruntled this time. It didn’t matter what they had in common…That guy was all about flowers and candies and all those things Cloud had once told Zack he enjoyed in a relationship. Things Zack wasn’t well versed in offering.

“I’m screwed,” he said, feeling oddly pathetic for someone who’d literally just taken down a fully-grown Behemoth single handedly the night before. He was supposed to get some kind of medal for it, apparently. “Cloud’s falling more and more every day, and I can’t do a damn thing about it.”

“If you love someone, you should let them know.”

“It’s not my place to interfere with his relationship. He’s happy now, and I’m not gonna be the guy who fucks that up for him.”

“Content might be a better word choice.”

“It’s more than that. Cloud told me Dillan’s the kinda guy he could see himself with in the long run.”

“Then you’re running out of time,” Genesis warned, gaze sharpening. “Your best option is to tell him before it reaches that point.”

“What good would it do? It’s not like I want a relationship anyway,” he rationalized. “After everything with Chris, I just...Even if I feel this way, it’s not what I want.”

“You need to get over that breakup.”

“I _am_ over him!”

“I’m well aware. That’s not what I said,” Genesis told him pointedly. “Being over Chris is different than being over your breakup. You don’t want to be in a position like that again, and it’s understandable, but you can’t be afraid forever.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“It’s been more than a year since you returned from Wutai. A year and a half since Chris sent you that letter. It’s time to let go, Zack.”

He cast his gaze down, raking a hand through his hair. “I let go a long time ago.”

“Clearly not.”

“Look, it’d be one thing if Cloud came to me and said he wanted this. I don’t think I could deny him anything,” Zack admitted helplessly. “But for me to go to him, knowing how far he’s come—knowing how happy he is…To go and put this on him when I’m not even sure what I want from him? That’s not right, and it’s not happening.”

Genesis tossed a quick fireball in his direction, drawing his annoyed gaze back up in a hurry. “Fool.”

“Why do you hafta be such an asshole? It’s not like this is easy for me.”

“Cloud’s due for his next set of orders,” Genesis responded, arms folded across his chest. “Wutai. He’ll be joining the residual force for six months.”

“When?” Zack asked, his stomach already twisting at the thought.

“Lazard will have the paperwork drawn up by the end of the week.”

“Fuck…” He was due to go himself, he realized, especially since his missions had been going so well. The war itself was finally over, but ShinRa had built a permanent outpost in the area in order to help warn away any future rebellions. And to protect their newly built reactor, of course. “Who else is going?”

“They’re sending six SOLDIERs to replace six who’ve been there far too long. You’re not among them.”

“Why not? I’ve been kickin’ ass lately!”

“You’re a First Class SOLDIER now. They have more pressing matters for you to tend to than twiddling your thumbs at some outpost halfway across the Planet.”

“You and I both know Cloud’s just as good as me now.”

“Yes, but he’s still a Second Class on paper. Don’t worry, I already have a contingency plan. He won’t be wasting his time out there.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, I’ve found a private mission for him to complete while he’s there. There’s something he’ll be doing for me while he’s in Wutai.”

Zack narrowed his eyes. “If you’re talkin’ about porn—”

Genesis scowled, this time hitting Zack’s shoulder with his Fire spell. “It’ll be a Firaga next time.”

“You say it like I’m outta line. Don’t think I don’t remember your little request back on my first trip there.”

“It was a joke intended to lighten your mood! How was I to know your sense of humor wasn’t as comprehensive as Angeal implied? It’s not as if I knew you well back then.”

“I was new and about to go on my first deployment! I was too nervous to get your little joke. Do you even know how hard it was to get you that, by the way? And you didn’t even watch it!”

“How do you know what I did with it?”

“Uh, you were dating the _real_ Sephiroth by the time I got back. Why would you watch—”

“Research,” Genesis interjected with a huff.

He stared at his friend in disbelief before barking out a laugh at the absurdity of it all. They hadn’t so much as spoken about this in _years,_ the subject strictly forbidden between them. It was enough to lighten the mood though, Genesis laughing softly a moment later.

“Leviathan,” he revealed after a minute, causing Zack to raise a brow. “I intend to ask Cloud to retrieve Leviathan. I’ve researched the presumed location of the materia, and I’m confident he’ll be successful in his mission.”

“Leviathan as in the holy water serpent?” Zack assumed, eyes wide when Genesis nodded. “Gen! If anyone finds that summon, it ought to be given to the people over there to put in a temple or something. They worship Leviathan over there.”

“Yes, which is why Cloud won’t be bringing the materia back should he succeed. He’ll master the water serpent while he’s stationed there, then return it to its proper place. I’ve no doubt it’ll help strengthen ShinRa’s relationship with their government as well.”

Zack frowned, not quite sure how he felt about that. “What’re you two up to?”

“Let’s just say Cloud’s taken an interest in materia theory, and I’ve decided to encourage his interest now that his training has long since been completed.”

“You finally figured out what that one materia can do, didn’t you?”

“Yes, though it would be unwise to attempt to call forward Alexander in the middle of ShinRa Tower.”

“Alexander?” Zack repeated, frowning at the unfamiliar name. “What—”

“A holy weapon,” Genesis responded shortly. “One that would undoubtedly pass its divine judgment on more than a few unsavory people who work for ShinRa.”

“You’re serious…?”

“Quite serious. As entertaining as it may be, I’m not sure even I could get away with allowing that to happen here.”

“Damn,” he muttered. “What’s that hafta do with Leviathan?”

“Nothing. You’re the one who made that transition. Leviathan is just a task intended to help develop Cloud’s summoning skills while he’s away. I’ve no doubt he’ll get bored over there without specific goals now that the fighting’s ceased.”

Zack stared at Genesis with a newfound appreciation, not daring to vocalize how thoughtful that was. It was a terrible thing to do, really…retrieving the materia just to hide it for personal use, even if it was temporary. But at the same time, it was too easy to get down and homesick overseas. Giving Cloud something to occupy his mind was the best gift any SOLDIER could offer.

He’d have to come up with something better.


	7. Chapter 7

**\-----**

Cloud liked to think he was a smart guy most days. Sneaking away from ShinRa’s outpost to go on some top secret, unauthorized mission for Genesis was clearly a bad idea, and one he’d decided not to go through with initially.

Except it was just so _dull_ manning the outpost.

There weren’t any exciting creatures to save anyone from—no attacks on the reactor. All good things, surely, but they made for an uneventful deployment. The only redeeming factor was that since the war was over, there was actually reception in Wutai. He could use his PHS to make calls to Midgar, and his laptop worked well enough to let him make nightly video calls, too. Hour long phone calls or video chats only got him so far though.

When he was off duty, he was bored out of his mind, already having plowed through all the reading he’d brought along. Some materia theory books Genesis had given him, plus some guilty pleasures—mostly fantasy novels. What else was he supposed to do? A person could only train without direction so much before plateauing, and while ShinRa’s presence was accepted in Wutai, it wasn’t exactly _welcome_ now that the reactor had changed so much. He couldn’t explore freely or treat it like a vacation.

“Alright, where do I need to go?” Cloud asked, sighing into his PHS.

He could practically see Genesis’ smirk through the phone. “Fifteen kilometers southeast. There’s a former rebel camp there—it should be deserted, though you may run into a few stragglers. Be on guard.”

“And this won’t re-ignite the war?”

“The war’s over. Stray rebels will always attack SOLDIERs on the spot, so don’t worry. Those types of confrontations are to be expected from time to time.”

“Yeah, but should I really be _looking_ for confrontation?” Cloud responded skeptically.

“You’re not, dear. You’re looking for a materia—one that was stolen from the Wutai royal family during the war. You’ll retrieve it, master it, and return it, as we’ve discussed. No doubt being in Godo’s good graces will make your stay more enjoyable.”

“And how exactly do I master this materia without anyone noticing I have it?”

“Am I supposed to plan everything for you? Surely you’ve progressed enough to figure that out for yourself.”

“So you think the materia’s in the camp and I’ll just walk in and find it? Wouldn’t someone else have looked by now?”

“Yes, but it was clearly well hidden. I know for a fact the man who stole it met his end there, which means the materia will be nearby. Allow Shiva to guide you once you’ve entered the camp. Her very existence is dependent on water.”

Without water, there could be no blizzard—a key part of materia theory Cloud had read about in his books. “Okay. I’ll give it a try at least.”

“Let me know how it goes. I’ve never witnessed a Leviathan cast, and I’m curious to hear all about it. I’ll expect you to take a few videos once you’ve gotten the hang of it.”

“I’ll go tomorrow,” he decided, knowing it was already too late. His ‘shift’ would be starting soon, which meant he’d be manning the outpost watchtower. Eight pure hours of _fun._ “Thanks, Gen.”

“Anytime, dear. Remember—videos!”

He snorted, but agreed nonetheless. Then he hung up tossing his phone onto his bed and pacing around for a few minutes. Zack was supposed to be on a mission, which meant he really shouldn’t be disturbed…

But he’d just ignore the call if he was busy, right?

Cloud plopped down on his bed, snatching his phone back up before dialing his friend without much hope of an answer. To his surprise though, it didn’t go right to voicemail.

“Aren’t you s’pose to be sleepin’ right now?”

His heart jumped, a big grin spreading across his face. “Aren’t you supposed to be killing shit?”

“Already done,” Zack responded with a laugh, which, _of course he was._ Ever since Zack had been back in the field, he’d been blowing through missions like he never stopped. It warmed his heart to think about, remembering how stressed Zack had been leading up to his first real mission after being stuck on training duty for so long. “I’m not headed back to Midgar till tomorrow, so I was gonna grab some dinner and call it an early night.”

“Oh. You can go, if you—”

“I’d rather talk to you, babe.”

His face lit up the way it always did when Zack slid in that endearment, a recent development in their friendship that constantly had him perturbed. “Okay,” he agreed nonetheless, pleased to hear it.

“When’s your shift start?”

“Couple hours. I’ve been sleeping so much though—even _I_ don’t need more than ten hours a day.”

Zack snorted. “It’s crazy to think that’s what it’s like in Wutai now. When I was there, I was lucky to get three hours some nights.”

“I’m glad the war’s over, but I do wish they’d sent me somewhere a bit more…eventful.”

“Yeah, but it’s all part of the job. Stayin’ there makes it harder for the rebels to start back up, so it’s important. Don’t forget that. A lotta good people died in that war, and makin’ sure it doesn’t happen again _matters.”_

“It does,” Cloud agreed, glad for the reminder. Would it be different for him if he’d been there during the actual fight? No doubt he’d appreciate the leisure a lot more. “I just got off the line with Gen, and I think I’m gonna go for it.”

“Leviathan?”

The disapproval was clear in Zack’s voice, causing him to cringe a bit. “Returning a national treasure isn’t a bad thing.”

“No, it’s not. Gettin’ it to hide it so you can use it yourself is kinda shitty though.”

“Do you think if I returned it right away, he’d let me use it?”

“Uh, I dunno. I never met Godo, but you know…I _did_ save his daughter once. I think he appreciates ShinRa more than most people do because of that.”

Cloud smiled at that, already knowing that story. It was one of the few things Zack had told him about when it came to Wutai, and it never got boring to re-hear. “Maybe I’ll drop your name. Between that and bringing Leviathan back, he’d _definitely_ let me try the cast at least once.”

“I doubt he even knows my name. _She’ll_ remember if you see her, but she wasn’t my biggest fan.”

“I think if Gen really did his research and found it, I have to at least _try_ to get it back—even if that means I never use it.”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

He hummed in agreement, closing his eyes comfortably as a long silence settled in between them. Maybe he _was_ a bit tired still. Being so bored was mentally exhausting, honestly. The rate at which his mind wandered was uncanny, always circling back to how much he missed being in Midgar—how much he missed _Zack._ Among other people, of course, but there was no doubt his best friend was his rock. Even without saying a word Zack made him feel steady, like it was all going to work out for the best.

“Hey, Spike?”

“Hm?”

“Why’d you call me?” Zack wondered, quieter than usual.

“I was bored.”

“Yeah, but you knew I was out on a mission. Isn’t Dillan off from work at this time?”

“He would’ve just gotten home,” Cloud confirmed with a frown. “Why?”

“Shouldn’t he be the one you’re calling when you have the chance?”

“Why?” Cloud repeated, frowning. “I just talked to him last night.”

“But he’s your boyfriend.”

Cloud let out a quiet sigh, not quite sure what to say to that. His boyfriend…his perfect boyfriend, who’d been nothing but sweet and understanding about the whole deployment process. The same boyfriend who’d already sent him two care packages this month, and always greeted him with a big smile when they video chatted.

“I miss you,” Cloud whispered, at a loss for any other answer.

“I miss you, too. You know that.”

“I know,” he agreed easily.

“Don’t you miss _him_?”

“It’s not that I don’t, it’s just…”

“He doesn’t get it? You being over there?”

“No, he gets it. He’s been great about this whole thing. He even wakes up early just so we can talk when my shift ends.”

“Is it the romance thing? Fizzling out ‘cause you’re too far away?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. Things are _fine—_ just last week he sent me this photo album he made, and it was.. _._ ” So nice. Cloud hadn’t even realized they’d taken so many pictures in the six months they spent together, and flipping through the pages really made him wonder how it all went by so quickly. “He’s great, I just…I dunno. I wanted to talk to you right now. Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s never a bad thing. I was just wonderin’, that’s all.”

Cloud frowned at that. Of course Zack would wonder—he knew exactly what it was like to have a relationship fall apart under similar conditions. Granted, it was much easier for Cloud since the situation was safe and he was able to communicate with Dillan on a daily basis…Distance could still take its toll on any couple.

“You don’t have to worry about me and Dillan,” Cloud reassured him quietly. “He’s almost _too_ good at all this.”

“You’ve only been gone a month now. A lot can change in five more months, especially if you keep calling _me_ every time you have a free minute. You know that guy can’t stand me.”

“I don’t _keep_ calling you,” he argued, choosing to ignore the last statement.

They’d gone over this multiple times already. It wasn’t that Dillan disliked Zack, it was just that he didn’t understand their friendship. He’d accepted the handholding and kissing, but grown increasingly confused when suddenly Cloud was explaining how maybe it wasn’t so appropriate after all. The fact that it didn’t really make sense to Cloud either probably didn’t help. His explanation had been shaky at best, and contradictory to every justification he’d laid out in the first place about why his behavior wasn’t a big deal.

After that, Dillan always seemed tense in Zack’s presence, so Cloud tended to keep them away from one another.

“Spike, this isn’t the first time you’ve picked me when I know damn well he’s not workin’. It’s fine—like I said, I wanna hear from you whenever I can. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” he promised.

“Yeah? ‘Cause if you weren’t, I was gonna tell you to look in your deployment bag. There might be something kinda cool in one of the inside pouches.”

He sat up instantly, eyeing his deployment bag from across the room. Sure, he’d had to bring it, but this wasn’t a traditional deployment—he’d been allowed to bring various bags, so he hadn’t needed to look in there once.

“What’s in it?” Cloud asked, putting the call on speaker as he worked on unzipping the bag.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise, would it?”

“It’s not a gaming system is it? Because the outlets here aren’t compatible, and we’re not supposed to go into town to buy adapters.”

“It’s not,” Zack replied with a chuckle. “I can send you one though, and an adapter if you want. Surprised you didn’t think of that when you were packing.”

“I didn’t think we’d be allowed!”

“That’s prob’ly my fault ‘cause I kept telling you stories about when I was there. It’s a whole different place now from the sounds of it.”

“Zack…” Cloud’s hand circled around something round—a familiar sized orb that could only be a materia. He pulled it out, studying it carefully, curious about its green color. It could be so many different spells, but he felt nothing familiar as he held it. Just raw power lingering out of his reach. “What is this?”

“My good luck charm.”

“What’s that even mean? It’d be blue if it was a support materia.”

Zack chuckled. “I didn’t mean literally. You think you’re the only one who’s ever found a weird materia on a mission?”

“Well, no,” Cloud said, frowning a bit. “So you don’t know what it does then?”

“Nope. I got it in North Corel after this train almost crashed. Weird day.”

“And you just hung onto it without telling anyone?”

“We’re not required to turn in materia we find in the field, Spike, and don’t let ‘em tell you otherwise. It’s in the regs—unless you check it out from the tower or choose to hand it over, it’s not a ShinRa asset.”

“So Seph didn’t have to turn in that summon we found up north?”

“Nope. They woulda known ‘cause it was a big part of that mission, but he coulda held onto it. He just knew it’d be Gen’s project anyway, so it made no difference to him.”

“This is awesome,” Cloud muttered, heart pounding as he wrapped his hands around the orb. “I don’t even know what it is, but it’s definitely powerful.”

“Right? I always kept it on me ever since I found it. When I needed to get psyched up, I’d hold onto it and be ready to go even if I wasn’t feeling whatever mission I was on that day.”

“You really gave me your good luck charm,” Cloud realized, even more awed by the whole thing.

“Yeah, I did. I know it’s not a summon, but I figured you could do what you were gonna do with Leviathan, if you wanted. Figure out what it does, master it—or just hold onto it when you need a pick me up, like I did.”

“That’s…” His heart was racing, pure adrenaline running through him as he gripped the materia again. Whatever it was, he could get used to this feeling even if he never unlocked the magic within. “This is the most incredible thing anyone’s ever given me.”

“Even better than a photo album?” Zack teased, the joke all but lost on Cloud.

“The only thing better than this would be if you were here so I could hug you right now,” Cloud said, suddenly missing his friend even more than he did ten minutes ago when he’d felt compelled to call in the first place.

“Five months’ll be done before you know it.”

Somehow he doubted it, especially when his heart already felt this heavy just thinking about it.

**\-----**

Sometimes Zack looked back on all his accomplishments with pride, sure he’d left his mark on the world in more ways than one. He’d saved a lot of people in his time as a SOLDIER, and done way more good than harm in his travels.

When Cloud returned from Wutai though, he couldn’t help feeling a bit less relevant than usual even after his recent record-setting mission streak. Cloud Strife, honorary citizen of Wutai—returner of the legendary serpent. The chosen one who was gifted with the privilege to summon the creature to the point of mastery.

Who even _did_ that? He became an icon in a country where ShinRa was tolerated strictly because they’d been a necessary force used to turn the tide during an ugly war. As much as Zack liked to joke it was all because of his good luck charm, the fact was, Cloud was just special. Sure, he’d only been following up on a lead Genesis provided, but the whole situation could’ve gone terribly awry.

What if they’d accused ShinRa of stealing the materia in the first place? There were a lot of accusations that could’ve been made when Cloud turned up to hand over Leviathan, yet here they were—celebrating the return of a SOLDIER who’d spent five straight months accidentally solidifying foreign relations with a country that had grown tired of ShinRa’s increasing demands for more land to build additional reactors.

Not even Firsts were permitted to wait by the transport for this return, instead standing among a crowded room filled with press and cameras—executives who literally never gave a damn when SOLDIERs came and went from even the most brutal areas of the Planet.

“Are we even going to be able to see him?” Dillan asked, drawing Zack’s attention away from the elevator door.

Fuck. He’d forgotten this guy was even here, too distracted by everything going on around them. “Prob’ly not,” Zack answered honestly. “Gen’s the only one they let wait by the transport, and if he’s smart, he’ll get Cloud outta this room as soon as possible.”

“Why don’t they just wait until the press conference? Why swarm him now?”

“Because ShinRa loves good publicity. Especially when it’s free.”

“That’s so…sad.”

Zack hummed in agreement, not really caring to say more around potentially prying ears. He was anxious for this hour to end…For Cloud to step off so he could follow his friend wherever Genesis intended to lead him. A restricted area, he assumed, and one that he’d have access to as a First.

When the elevator door finally opened, Zack sucked in a long breath, relieved and happy all at once as he spotted the familiar blond standing awkwardly at Genesis’ side. The look on his face was one Zack might’ve called fake when they first met—a ploy to seem uncomfortable with all the attention despite loving every moment of it. Now he knew better though. Cloud was tired from a long trip home, and clearly not expecting this kind of reception.

Genesis was loving every moment of it, though.

“Bastard,” Zack grumbled, watching the redhead take his sweet time maneuvering Cloud through the crowd. He couldn’t help pushing his own way through, eyes raking over his friend’s familiar features. Even when he was tired, Cloud looked perfect—effortless as always. His entire demeanor lit up as he noticed Zack, bringing a wide grin to both their faces. “Lovin’ the attention, huh?”

“You know me,” Cloud joked, throwing himself right into Zack’s open arms. Hiding there, from the feel of it—the way he tucked his head down into Zack’s chest. Zack didn’t mind one bit.

“You know they’re takin’ pictures still, right?” he asked, leaning down to talk closer to Cloud’s ears.

“Don’t care,” he murmured, nuzzling in closer. “Can you take me home?”

“Yeah,” Zack agreed without hesitation, wrapping a protective arm around his friend despite the disapproving look Genesis gave him for it. He shot it right back at the redhead, daring him to say something. Then he guided Cloud through the crowd himself, opting to choose his _own_ path rather than guess wherever Genesis was taking him.

The odds were, people would be waiting outside of Cloud’s place too—trainees who wanted to see SOLDIER’s newest hero, or other Seconds who just wanted to say hi and knew the elevator was a bad spot for it. That meant they wouldn’t be going to Cloud’s place, Zack decided, pulling his friend into the first elevator that linked with the main levels and shutting out anyone that was stupid enough to try following.

That was when he felt Cloud let out a long breath and step away, clearly relieved to be away from the crowd.

“What was _that?_ Gen told me there’d be a few people for pictures, but—”

“Uh, Gen’s dating Sephiroth. Have you seen the kinda press Seph draws after big events? That might’ve really been his idea of a few people.”

“Yeah, but he knows me better than that,” Cloud sighed, running a hand through his hair in disbelief. “Why do they even care that I’m home? Nothing happened when I was gone!”

“You don’t remember brokering a deal for ShinRa to build three more reactors out there?”

“ _What?”_

Zack snorted. “Of course they didn’t tell you. Buncha assholes.”

“Godo liked me, and they jumped all over it while they could,” Cloud concluded, shaking his head in disbelief when Zack confirmed it. “I feel like such an ass. I should’ve never gone after that materia.”

“What? _No!_ Don’t say that. ShinRa might’ve been wrong here, but that doesn’t mean you were. They needed that materia back. It was fueling what was left of the rebellion, you know. Rumor was, they still thought the government was illegitimate because Leviathan hadn’t been returned. Now that’s taken care of, all thanks to you.”

“I spent five months going in and out of that palace in my free time after returning Leviathan. I didn’t see any ShinRa officials there even once. How did—”

“What, you thought they’d run it by you first? SOLDIERs are grunts too, Spike.” Cloud just huffed in disbelief, still processing what was apparently a bombshell to him. Amazing how different the news must’ve been—it was widespread in Midgar, making the front page more than once as negotiations improved. “I woulda told you myself, but I thought you knew. I figured you just didn’t wanna get into all that when we were talking.”

“I wouldn’t have,” Cloud admitted, slumping against Zack’s chest once more. He snaked an arm around the blond’s waist, chuckling softly at how adorable he was when he was tired. “This is your floor.”

“Yep. Figured you wouldn’t wanna deal with going back to your place right now. That’s okay, right?”

Cloud shrugged, which felt like all the approval Zack needed. He slid the keycard at his door, bringing them directly into his bedroom and watching with amusement as Cloud dropped right onto the bed.

“It’s a long ride, huh?” Zack offered conversationally. 16 hours, if he remembered correctly. A grunt was all he got in response. “Want something to change into?” Another grunt—probably a yes, he decided. He opened his drawers, digging through until he found some of Cloud’s old clothes that had been left behind ages ago. “Here.”

The blond didn’t budge as Zack set the shirt and pajama pants down on the bed.

“Did you get _any_ sleep on the transport?”

“Got sick,” Cloud replied dismally.

_Oh._ Motion sickness. Apparently it happened all the time before Cloud was a SOLDIER, but far less frequently since the mako injections. SOLDIERs were never truly immune to anything, though most grew so unused to feeling any form of illness that they handled it particularly poorly during the rare instances when it occurred.

That definitely appeared to be the case here, a full-blown pout prominent on Cloud’s face even though the effects had clearly passed already.

“You wanna cuddle at least?” Zack offered, kicking off his boots before hopping onto the bed beside Cloud. Another grunt. “I’m taking that as a yes.”

Judging by the small smile on the blond’s face, it was the right assumption this time.

**\-----**

Two hours.

That was how long it took Cloud to remember something incredibly important after waking up from his six hour nap with Zack—or on Zack’s bed, really, since he suspected Zack didn’t actually sleep the whole time. They’d laid there a while even after he woke up, then eaten the leftover pizza in Zack’s fridge since there was literally nothing else that didn’t require cooking inside Zack’s apartment. Then they’d goofed around like Cloud never left, playing games and forgetting the chaos waiting outside that apartment door.

_Then_ he remembered. “I’m the worst boyfriend ever,” he realized, eyes wide as Zack visibly flinched at his words.

“Fuck,” Zack whispered, face contorting apologetically. “This is my fault. I was standing right there with him, but when I saw you I just wanted to get you outta there. I completely forgot.”

“What kind of person forgets his own boyfriend after coming home from six months away?”

“The kind who’s tired and overwhelmed. I’m sure he’ll understand if you give him a call.”

Cloud gulped at that, a sinking feeling in his stomach. The thing was, Zack was _right._ No doubt his perfect boyfriend would find it in his heart to forgive even this. It was all true—he _was_ tired and overwhelmed. Something about it just felt off though, again.

“I would’ve noticed if you hadn’t been there.”

Zack raised a brow. “Well, duh. I’m a lot taller—easier to see.”

“I need to leave,” Cloud decided, heart pounding as he jumped to his feet and all but scurried toward the door.

Zack was up a moment later, following him to the door in confusion. “You can use my phone, you know.”

“No, it’s okay. I need to get out of here.”

“You need to slow down, Spike. He’ll understand.”

“How can he understand if I don’t even understand?”

“They’re prob’ly promoting you again. It’s kind of a big deal,” Zack told him calmly. “Even a civilian will get that it’s a lot for a person to deal with right when they get home.”

Cloud stared at Zack in disbelief, and not because the news of his apparent ‘promotion’. It was just… _Zack._ “I definitely need to go home.”

“Go shower or something. Clear your head,” Zack suggested frowning when Cloud couldn’t bring himself to respond. “Spike, are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, not feeling quite as certain as he hoped he sounded.

His relationship wouldn’t be so fine, and there wasn’t much he could do about it. Not when he was pretty sure he didn’t _want_ it to be fine. Fuck. He’d told himself over and over things would work out when he got home—that he just needed to see Dillan face to face again. As great as video chats were, it just wasn’t the same. That’s what he told himself time and time again when he chose to go to bed rather than calling, opting to put it off just one more day.

And Dillan…he understood every time. _It must be exhausting, being over there._ Cloud would remind him there was no war—no excitement for the most part. Just him and a group of bored SOLDIERs, wasting their talents because ShinRa deemed it necessary for them to be there. The only thing that ever truly exhausted him was Leviathan, the trickiest creature he’d ever summoned. Leviathan was bold and proud—and away from the shore where it so clearly wanted to be.

Yeah, Cloud might’ve forgotten to mention that to Godo, instead focusing on the positive aspects of the situation. Leviathan also enjoyed the attention. Being revered. The summon was always easier to cast when there was a crowd, which certainly took its toll on Cloud as the only one allowed to call the summon forward under the circumstances.

His fingers had always circled around his good luck charm before those casts, the same way they were now—shoved deep in his pocket as he looked at Zack helplessly. Normally the energy would give him the rush he needed to get through the day, but right now? His heart was already racing anxiously, and the look of worry on his friend’s face really wasn’t doing a thing to help him calm down.

“Cloud…”

“I didn’t miss him.”

“Okay,” Zack responded, shrugging. “So what?”

“So, he’s my boyfriend and I was gone for six months, and after the first week I didn’t miss him!” Cloud exclaimed. “What kind of person does that make me?”

“The normal kind. You think you’re the first person to ever go away and realize you’re just as happy on your own? Lots of relationships hit that point around here. It’s fine. All it means is he might not be the one for you, and that’s okay. Nothin’ to feel guilty about.”

Guilty…That was definitely one of the things he was feeling right now. The rest were all blended together, too jumbled to make sense of. “I’d come up with excuses not to call him because it just…it was always the same thing. He missed me, but he understood. He couldn’t wait to see me, and show me all the cool stuff he’d been doing for work. And me? I’d just smile and nod. My head was always somewhere else.”

“You had your own shit going on. It wasn’t exactly a normal post for you.”

“I’m an asshole.”

“You’re not. You’re human.”

“We’ve been together a year now, you know. I spent six months with him, six months gone—our anniversary was last week apparently, and I didn’t even realize. He told me we’d celebrate when I got home, and I just…I came here with you instead.”

“You were tired,” Zack reminded him, shrugging again.

“No. I wanted to see _you,_ and now we’re just talking in circles. How can you even defend me about this? I’ve been awful to him, and you know it. You tried to tell me over and over again it was weird how I was calling you so much, and I just didn’t wanna hear it.”

“I’m not defending you, I’m just telling you how I see it. It’s not really my place to tell you what to do here, Spike,” Zack said, taking a tentative step closer. Cloud found himself backing away for once, back hitting the door as Zack took another step forward. “What’re you so afraid of right now? Breaking up with him? ‘Cause we both know that’s only gonna happen if you want it to. If you wanna stay with him, he’ll understand what happened. You’ll make it work.”

“We may as well have ended it six months ago.”

Dillan bored him. It was another asshole thought, but that didn’t make it any less true. Their relationship had been fun at first—new and exciting. He’d liked the date nights, and even put in the effort to get into some of the same things. How many plays had he attended? It all felt worth it because having someone like that in his life felt just as good as he hoped it would.

By the time he knew he was leaving, he’d been thinking some distance might reignite the spark between them that had long since fallen flat. Instead he’d just let it drag out until it became this awkward mess, and not even Zack could make him feel okay about that.

“I don’t even deserve to feel bad about this,” he realized with a frown. “I’m the one who screwed him over—wasted _his_ time.”

“Now you’re bein’ dramatic. You don’t get to control how you feel.”

He let out a long sigh, knowing Zack was right, yet wishing he was wrong. “I’ve gotta go take care of this. I can’t let it drag out another day.”

“You want me to come with you?”

“I think he deserves to hear it from me. Just me,” Cloud decided, shaking his head. “Thanks though.”

“Wanna grab dinner when you’re done?”

“I kinda want to go back to my place and just sleep for a couple days till all this goes away.”

Zack snorted. “It’s not that easy, Spike. Trust me.”

“I just need some time alone,” he admitted, frowning apologetically when he saw the flash of hurt that appeared on Zack’s face.

There were no protests though, and when he forced a tiny smile, Zack mirrored it perfectly.

**\-----**

While Zack was mostly relieved about Cloud’s breakup, he couldn’t shake the fact that a tiny part of him agreed with his younger friend—that the way it all went down was fucked up. He’d never say it, refusing to believe anyone who cared _that much_ was actually an asshole, but still. Hadn’t Zack hinted over and over again that Cloud should call Dillan? That it sounded like their relationship was more strained that Cloud was letting on? And Cloud told him time and time again that things were fine. The subject would always be changed until Zack stopped bringing it up entirely, instead enjoying their talks about whatever was on either of their minds that particular day.

The right thing to do would’ve been to be honest with Dillan the minute things started to feel off. To see if they could change something, or decide if it was better for them both to just end it then and there. Yeah, breaking up over a webcam wasn’t ideal, but it was probably better than leading someone on for an extra few months.

Fuck, Zack thought. For the first time since he’d gotten that letter from Chris all that time ago, he really understood. How shitty had that been, back then? He’d spent the rest of that tour wanting to see Chris face to face, sure that things would be different in person. Sure that the distance was their only problem, which meant he could solve it when he returned. And he’d been wrong. Chris had done him a favor by ending it when it wasn’t working, even if the circumstances were terrible. Surely it would’ve felt worse, expecting to come home to open arms and then being dumped on the spot instead, or dragged along for a polite amount of time before being cut off entirely.

Military relationships were complicated, for sure. Maybe there _was_ no best way to breakup.

“He was pissed, but he said he kinda suspected it was coming,” Cloud admitted, nose scrunched up. “That he felt like we weren’t on the same page, and hadn’t been for a while. I guess he’d been hoping it’d go back to normal when I got back.”

“You know, I was never that guy’s biggest fan, but I’ve gotta give him some credit—he’s way more understanding than I would’ve been.”

“What? I thought you said I was doing the right thing by ending it!”

“It was the right thing. Doesn’t mean it would’ve been easy to handle though. Breakups suck.”

Cloud studied him for a moment, frowning. “I’m glad it’s over.”

“Yeah? You think you’ll wanna date around now, or you’re just gonna enjoy the single life again?”

“I don’t know,” he answered with a shrug. “Whatever happens, happens, I guess. I don’t want to force it again. I was so set on being with someone, I didn’t even care that it was the wrong person. He was a great guy, but it never felt _right._ ”

Zack looked him over, smiling fondly. “It’s better to just let it happen naturally.”

“Do you think you’ll ever date again, or you’re still enjoying playing the field?”

He looked Cloud over, offering a nod. “I’ll date again eventually. Just gotta wait for the timing to be right, you know?”

Cloud hummed in agreement. “Yeah. I think I just want to focus on work again now. I still can’t believe they’re seriously talking about promoting me.”

“It’s not so crazy. You’ve already been recommended three times now.”

“Yeah, and they turned me down because it was like you said—too soon. Now I accidentally went and did something stupid again, and—”

“It _is_ kinda funny,” Zack admitted, chuckling softly. “You deserve it, don’t get me wrong. But you deserved it before you went to Wutai.”

“My first promotion was such a joke. I really wanted to earn this one properly.”

“You did.”

“It looks like another handout though,” Cloud said, and Zack couldn’t quite disagree. Sure, he knew Cloud busted his ass and performed at the level of a First Class SOLDIER, but that didn’t mean everyone knew. It’d look pretty similar to that first promotion—like he’d been given it as a part of another elaborate publicity scheme. “I’ll have to spend the next year proving myself all over again.”

“Hey,” Zack said, grabbing Cloud’s hand and giving it a friendly squeeze. “You’ve got nothin’ left to prove, Spike.”

“Gen says he had a new mission for me,” Cloud revealed, glancing down at their hands before flickering his gaze back up to Zack’s. “Apparently he wants to send me to go master Phoenix. The summon.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. It’s kind of complicated…”

“Not really. Fort Condor, right?” Zack guessed, quirking a brow when Cloud nodded. “That’s pretty close by. I’m sure it won’t take you long.”

“Fire based materia are the hardest for me.”

“Okay…So, you’re worried you won’t be able to do that one?”

“No, I’ll do it, but he’s kind of gone crazy. All he wanted all this time was for me to beat your record, and now that it looks like it’s happening, he’s come up with this new plan. He wants me to master _every_ summon.”

“Sounds like a career goal,” Zack assumed, frowning when Cloud nodded again. “So what’s the problem? Goals are good.”

Especially when Cloud’s previous goals had all been met, or would be soon. He’d made SOLDIER, and was days away from officially being First Class. It was smart of Genesis to be a step ahead, giving Cloud something new to work toward even if they were technically no longer student and mentor at this point.

“I just got home,” Cloud reminded him, brows furrowed with enough stress that it made Zack’s heart ache. “I don’t want to be sent all over the Planet month after month hunting down these materia to master. I want to spend time with _you_. And, you know. Gen, and everyone else.”

“Tell him that, then. Tell him you’ll do it on your own schedule— _if_ it’s something you wanna do. You’re gonna be a First now, and that means you’re equals in the eyes of ShinRa. He likes to think he’s special, but the fact is, him and Seph and Ang are no different than me when it comes to rank. They’re no different than _you._ ”

“I told him how I’d read about this materia for master summoners,” Cloud explained, smiling a bit. “He thinks it’s real, and he thinks he knows how to get it. I just need to master everything first.”

“You’re definitely interested,” Zack noted, confused. “What’s the problem then?”

“If it’s real, and if I get it, I won’t be able to check out individual summons. I’ll have to turn Odin back in, indefinitely.”

“Let Seph have him.”

“Odin doesn’t like Seph much,” Cloud admitted with a laugh. “Sephiroth’s too good. He doesn’t need help like I do.”

“It’s gonna take a long time to find ‘em all and master them, Spike. We can come up with a plan before then to keep Odin outta the wrong hands.”

“And all the other summons Gen finds? He’s researching all sorts of ancient creatures. Apparently there’s a stronger version of Bahamut out there.”

Zack frowned at that, not quite able to imagine what _that_ might look like. Bahamut was pretty intense in his traditional form. “You have my good luck charm still?” Cloud reached into his pocket, pulling out the green orb and holding it in his open palm. He reached out as well, covering the orb and Cloud’s hands in his own without dropping the blond’s gaze. “When I found this, I was told it’s deadlier than any other materia out there. That it was the ultimate form of magic.”

“But you never used it.”

“No. I didn’t even try,” Zack admitted with a shrug. “Did you?”

“No,” Cloud responded quietly. “I just held onto it, like you said. It made me feel…”

“Like you could handle anything?”

Cloud nodded his head. “Like I feel when I’m with you.”

He shook his head, failing to shake the feeling that blossomed in his chest at those words. “I kinda thought they were all superstitious—the people who told me about this materia,” Zack continued slowly. “But I held onto it anyway, just in case they were right. Remember what I told you. Any materia you find out there is _yours._ It’s not ShinRa’s. If you find those summons, you’re not obligated to hand ‘em over.”

“Is it weird to distrust ShinRa this much when I work for them?”

“It’s part of the job,” Zack replied, just as uneasy. “We just gotta focus on the good we do, remember? You taught me that.”

“Do you want it back?” Cloud asked, looking down at their hands tentatively.

“Nope. I gave it to you for a reason, Spike. It’s yours now,” he insisted, removing his hands and watching as Cloud pocketed the good luck charm without another doubt. The way he smiled, too…Zack couldn’t help smiling right back, as always.

**\-----**

Black looked good on him, Cloud decided, feeling oddly confident as he looked himself over in the mirror. It had all been surreal—the silly press conference. The promotion. Everything that happened since joining SOLDIER, when he _really_ thought about it.

It was in the quiet moments he had to himself when he realized it wasn’t just his imagination. This all really happened to him, and he intended to do his best to show everyone it wasn’t a fluke. Getting two quick press-related promotions was weird, but he had a list of accomplishments this time around. A list of skills some SOLDIERs would never achieve. Sure, he was no Sephiroth—he was no Genesis or Angeal, and he was definitely no Zack Fair. But he was still damn good at his job, he concluded, nodding at himself in the mirror. No one could take that fact away from him so long as he didn’t let them.

“Damn, Spike,” Zack muttered, making no secret of the way his eyes were raking over Cloud’s body when he emerged from the bathroom in his new uniform for the first time. “Looks good on you.”

He could feel the heat in his cheeks, not sure why he was even affected. It wasn’t like Zack hadn’t complimented him in the past—filthy compliments at times, back when they saw each other naked on a regular basis. “It’s the exact same uniform,” Cloud said, trying his best to shrug it off. It was an unsuccessful attempt. “Just black.”

“Doesn’t hafta be. You’re a First now—you can modify it however you want.”

Why would he want to, he wondered? Something about the look on Zack’s face had him set on keeping it exactly the same as it was in this very moment. “I’m good like this. I don’t think I could move around in a long jacket like Gen.”

“Have you ever seen Gen in the field?” Zack wondered, snorting when Cloud shook his head. “He takes it off when things get serious. It’s part of the dramatic effect. Psyches his enemies out.”

“Sephiroth doesn’t.”

“Well, yeah, but he also doesn’t wear a real shirt under his. Can you imagine?”

Cloud laughed at the very thought of a shirtless Sephiroth on the battlefield. “It’d be very distracting, at least.”

“Didn’t know you were into him,” Zack teased, elbowing him playfully. “I guess if I’d cuddled up to him, I’d be kinda infatuated, too.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled, nudging Zack right back. “It was just survival strategy.”

“Right, _survival.”_

“You’re just jealous because I said he was a better cuddler than you.”

“That’s a lie and you know it!” Zack insisted, hands on his hips as he all but glared down at Cloud. “Seph might be the best at a lotta things, but there’s no way he beats me at cuddles.”

Cloud snorted. “You don’t need to be so defensive.”

“This is serious! My reputation’s at stake here.”

“What, you’re afraid word will get out and it’ll scare off your hookups?” Cloud asked, rolling his eyes at the thought. “I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think they sleep with you because they’ve heard about your cuddling skills.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were jealous,” Zack told him, openly amused. “Do you miss my cuddles, Spike?”

“I’m not jealous, I just happen to know from personal experience you’re a lot better with certain things than you are with cuddling,” Cloud said, biting back his laugh as Zack’s jaw dropped in feigned offense. “And, no, I don’t miss your cuddles. I had them last week, if you remember correctly. Mediocre at best.”

“But you miss somethin’ else, huh? Something I’m better with?”

“Did you just ask me if I miss your dick?”

“Oi, language, Spike!”

He rolled his eyes, refusing to respond with anything other than laughter. The truth was, yeah, he kind of did miss sleeping with Zack even after all this time. There had been something so simple about it. So easy. They’d always had so much _fun_ together, too.

“Let’s be honest,” Zack said, suddenly growing more serious than the conversation warranted, “It’s a good thing we don’t do the whole platonic friend thing anymore.”

“You mean that we don’t sleep together?” Cloud asked, curious and slightly offended all at once.

“No, I mean all of it. The handholding, the kissing. Sex, too, but that’s the obvious one.”

“You know I was kidding about the cuddling, right? You’re way better than Sephiroth.”

Zack winked at him. “Obviously.”

“So, what? You’re just having more fun playing the field than you did with me?”

“Uh, I didn’t say _that._ Not at all. I don’t go around comparing one hookup to the next, let alone to what I had with you. That’d be kinda pointless, don’t you think?”

“I try _not_ to think about it,” he responded with a shrug.

Zack stared at him for a long minute, confusion in his features before he was back to neutral. “You’re definitely takin’ this the wrong way. I just meant we’re good now, so it’s better if you don’t tell me you miss my dick.”

“I never said that!” he insisted, arms folded across his chest petulantly. “You asked, and I—”

“Woah, I did _not_ ask! You’re the one who brought it up.”

Cloud readied another quick retort before it hit him. What were they doing, bickering about this? About nothing? This wasn’t _them._ Whatever joke they’d been having had gone way off track here, and he found himself looking at his friend apologetically when he realized that. “I think we should just forget this conversation ever happened.”

“…You agree though, right? It’s better we stopped all that?”

“I don’t know,” Cloud admitted slowly, the sinking feeling in his chest telling him otherwise. “I always liked it—holding your hand and whatever else. I liked that we could do whatever we wanted without it being a big deal.”

“Me too.”

“So why’s it better we stopped? It’s not like I have a boyfriend anymore. There’s nothing holding us back if we wanted to go back to how things were.”

“Because if we started again right now, it _would_ be a big deal,” Zack said simply. “To me at least. It wouldn’t be the same.”

The casual implication hung in the air, creating a tension that he’d never felt in Zack’s presence. It was awkward and uncertain—two things that weren’t supposed to exist in their friendship.

But it was also exciting, especially when he realized Zack was staring at him with what could only be _hope._

“Me too,” Cloud said, quietly stunned by his own admission.

He hadn’t even fully admitted it to himself yet, let alone anyone else. Gaia, he couldn’t even pinpoint when it happened. Wasn’t there supposed to be a specific moment? Some look or smile they exchanged when everything changed between them? An epic encounter when it all finally made sense?

No matter how many times he racked his brain, he couldn’t find any single instance like that. All he knew was, the way he was looking at Zack right now was not the same way he’d looked at Zack in the past. The man in front of him was so much _more_ than his idol or his friend. He was _everything_ to Cloud _,_ and he had been for a long time now.

“Are you serious?” Zack asked, his voice more vulnerable than Cloud had ever heard it.

“I don’t know how, or why. I don’t even know _when._ I just know something changed with us…didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it did,” Zack confirmed. “I guess the real question is, what’re we gonna do about it? ‘Cause I definitely didn’t come here planning to have this conversation.”

“You just came to gawk at me in my new uniform, huh?”

“You say it like you’ve never checked me out. My ass looks great in uniform!”

Cloud scoffed without denying it. What could he say? There was no point in denying the physical attraction that had always existed between them. Especially not _now_ when they’d all but spelled out that there was something more going on here.

“I don’t think I’m ready to be your boyfriend,” Cloud admitted with a frown, relieved when Zack laughed at his statement. “Why’s that funny?”

“Because I was thinking the exact same thing.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, we’ve done a lot together already. What’s the rush now?”

“We’re just going to be friends and forget that—”

“No, we’re gonna do whatever we feel like doin’," Zack replied firmly. "You just got out of a long relationship, and me? I swore off relationships entirely, if you remember correctly.”

“So…what? We’ll be friends who screw around and want more, but refuse to put a label on it?”

“I was thinkin’ more like we could go on a date and take it from there.”

Cloud nodded his head without hesitation. “I like your idea better.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“Why not today?” he countered, curious.

“Because once upon a time, you told me you liked romance, and uh…I need some time if I’m gonna attempt something romantic.”

“You know you don’t have to, right? I know it’s not really your thing, and I obviously like you anyway.”

Zack shrugged. “I always liked a challenge.”

“A relationship shouldn’t be challenging.”

“Then it’s a good thing we agreed we’re not in a relationship yet, huh?” Zack responded, smirking when Cloud had nothing to say to that.

He was even more dumbfounded when Zack leaned down and pecked him, just as quickly and innocently as they’d done dozens of times before. Except this time, his heart could barely handle the fond look Zack gave him afterward, nor the desire to tip toe up and do it again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry I disappeared for such a long time, it's been a crazy year or so. I don't even have a full chapter to post, just the portion of the next chapter I had written way back when. I'm dying for Clack right now so I will try to add more and give you all the wrap up you deserve on this fic. We still have a few loose ends and summons to cover! In the mean time, here's the 1 scene I wrote forever ago, with more to come as I have time. Thanks!

\-----

Between the suit, tie, flowers, and candies, Zack felt _kind of_ ridiculous.

It was Genesis’ fault, obviously. He’d gone to the redhead for some insight, not just as someone who understood romance, but as someone who also knew Cloud well—someone who knew what Cloud meant when he said he liked romantic gestures. Instead of getting some personal input, it felt like all he’d gotten was a generic speech on romance. An extensive one, at that.

If he’d wanted that, he would’ve just watched some old movies or something.

“You’re the one who asked for my advice. Take it or leave it!” Genesis all but snapped, shooing Zack out the door when he’d joked that he’d be leaving it for sure.

Yet here he was, dressed exactly like Genesis had suggested and holding gifts that felt very cliché.

“…Didn’t you say we’re going to a movie?” Cloud asked, arching a brow after opening his door and getting a good look at Zack.

The confusion on his face definitely wasn’t what Zack had been going for. “Yep,” he confirmed, offering the bouquet and heart-shaped box of chocolates to his eventual boyfriend.

Because even if this was absurd, and even if they were going to take their time…that’s what they were now. Eventual boyfriends, taking things one date at a time. One _bad_ date at a time, judging by how awkward he felt under Cloud’s gaze for once, but it was kind of fitting in a way.

It wasn’t like this was the first time they’d started off on the wrong foot.

“I guess I’m underdressed then,” Cloud joked lightly, nodding for Zack to follow him inside. “We’re not on a tight schedule, are we?”

“Nah, not really. Why? You wanna do dinner first or something?” he asked, almost hoping Cloud would say yes. If it meant stalling this whole _romantic movie in the VR_ scheme Genesis had concocted, he was all for it.

“I was thinking something more along the lines of a drink,” Cloud answered, already headed straight for the kitchen.

Sometimes Zack forgot Cloud’s 21st birthday had even come and gone, the blond having been away on some mission when it happened. By the time he’d returned, he’d sworn up and down birthday’s weren’t a big thing back in Nibelheim—that he didn’t want to do anything, and that he didn’t believe being able to drink in Midgar warranted making it any kind of exception worth celebrating.

That didn’t stop him from stashing a bottle of liquor in his cabinet though—Fire Whiskey, which was a big thing back in Nibelheim. The best way to fight a chill, or so he’d been told. His mother had sent it to him, and it was the only gift he’d accepted. It wasn’t something that could be purchased in the city, and Cloud had been very clear he had no intention of sharing.

To Zack’s surprise, Cloud was offering him a shot today. “Is the suit that bad?” he wondered, accepting the shot glass and downing it without hesitation.

_Wow._ Apparently they called it Fire Whiskey for a reason, the strange liquid seeming to heat him from the inside out from the moment it hit his throat. Definitely not enough to get him drunk, but enough to clear his head as he stared at the empty shot glass.

The way Cloud was staring at him after the sensation faded did nothing to help with the heatwave, unabashed as he openly looked Zack up and down with a not-so-hidden smile. “You look great,” Cloud told him, but not until he was done.

_That_ was a lot closer to the reaction Zack had been hoping for, a big grin on his face as he handed the shot glass back to Cloud who poured him one more. The second one was just as startling as the first, this time Cloud laughing as he coughed in surprise.

“You should’ve seen me the first time I tried it,” Cloud said, still laughing. “I spit most of it back up, and my _mouth…_ if you think it burns going down, just imagine—”

“I don’t even wanna think about that,” Zack cut in, chuckling through a couple more light coughs. “That stuff’s no joke!”

“Mama Strife doesn’t mess around.”

“Apparently not, holy _shit,”_ he muttered, pretty sure he was about to _breathe_ fire as he exhaled one last long breath. “You’ve gotta let Gen try that sometime.”

Cloud scoffed. “No way. He’d steal the whole bottle.”

“Wait till it’s almost gone then. I bet he’d accidentally light something up.”

“Yeah, I kinda _like_ my stuff. I don’t want him lighting anything on fire here.”

“You’re no fun, Spike. It’d be hilarious, and you _know_ it.”

“Maybe over at your place,” Cloud conceded with a small smirk. “Hey, are you good for a minute? I forgot something in my room.”

Zack arched a brow. “Like what?”

“Something date related,” the blond responded shortly. “Make yourself at home—have more whiskey, if you want.”

“Uh, I think I’ll pass. Thanks though,” he muttered, smiling a bit as Cloud tip toed up to give him a quick kiss before scurrying off to his bedroom. His lips were still tingling long after the door shut, and he wasn’t quite sure he could blame the whiskey for that.

Fuck, he was lucky. How had he not seen it from the start? Cloud was unlike anyone he’d ever met before, and that was only reaffirmed ten minutes later when Cloud reemerged from his bedroom.

Dressed in a damn suit instead of the t-shirt and jeans he’d had on initially.

“You know it’s just a movie, right?” Zack teased, grinning when Cloud rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well, that’s why I’m not wearing a tie,” Cloud told him, taking a few steps closer to Zack. Zack met him halfway, hand already at his own neck as he loosened his tie. “You’re taking it off?”

“A friend of mine told me dressing up and bringing gifts was the way to go, but if you’re not even gonna try to put in the same effort…” He shook his head with as much ‘disappointment’ as he could manage, silently appreciating how damn _good_ Cloud looked even with a glare on his face. “Do you really like the tie that much?”

Cloud huffed, reaching up to finish removing it himself. “I like _you.”_ The tie dropped to the floor, Zack raising a brow when Cloud’s hands went to his waist next, pulling up the button up shirt he’d tucked in so nicely. Then he reached up again, unbuttoning the top two buttons on Zack’s shirt. “That’s better.”

“Yeah?” Zack asked, looking down at himself and then back up at Cloud with amusement. “Now I look like I tried to dress up but got lazy with it.”

“It suits you!”

“Then you don’t get to look so perfect either,” he decided, reaching out to untuck Cloud’s shirt before undoing two buttons as well. Then he ruffled the blond’s hair, just for good measure. “Yep. That’s better.”

“You know you don’t have to do all this, right? I’m not actually interested in flowers.”

“But you said—”

“I said I like _you,”_ Cloud interjected with a smile. “Are you that nervous about all this that you went to Gen for advice?”

Zack blinked in surprise. “How’d you—”

“Uh, he told me. He was laughing about how you’d probably turn up here with flowers because he could’ve talked you into doing anything, and then sure enough, you show up looking like this with flowers _and_ candies in hand.”

“I knew he was just reciting cliché bullshit,” Zack murmured, silently cursing the man.

“And you fell for it. _Why?”_

“Because I wanna get this right,” he said, letting out a short sigh. He looked up at Cloud, feeling more than a little ridiculous again. “I’m not good at this. Relationships.”

“It’s not like I’m any better. Or did you forget how awful I was the last time around?”

“This is different. It’s you and me.”

“Exactly. So let’s just be you and me, and it’ll be great. It’s always great with us.”

He stared at Cloud long and hard, noting just how serious he was. That was the thing…It _was_ always great with them. Whatever they were trying may have been new, but he knew _Cloud._

“You wanna go for a ride before we do this?” he offered, pleased when Cloud’s face lit up right away.

As if he really needed to ask. He’d learned a long time ago that Cloud was up for almost anything—especially when it involved his motorcycle.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reallllly had intended to just have 2 chapters of Clack fluff and cuteness to wrap this fic up, but it's not quite working out that way. Fluff and cuteness is coming though! I just had more to wrap up than expected, oops. I blame the summons. So, anyway, the fluff is coming, but the fic may end up being an extra chapter to make it happen orrrr Chapter 10 might just be really long. Thanks for bearing with me on this one!

\-----

“He doesn’t wanna go, Gen.”

Genesis leveled Zack with an unamused look, hands on his hips. “I don’t recall asking for your opinion on the subject.”

While that look may have intimidated some people, Zack wasn’t one of them. He shot back his own unamused look, mirroring his stance. “And I don’t recall giving a damn. You can’t keep sending him all over Gaia just because you have no patience. He’ll master everything on his own schedule.”

“You’re leaving.”

Zack raised a brow, scoffing. “No, I’m not. Look, I get that you feel protective of him or whatever, but you don’t hafta worry about me. I’m in this to stay.”

“No, Zack,” Genesis responded, far too gently for Zack’s liking. His heart sank in his chest before the redhead could even continue. “I saw the orders myself. You’ll be doing a follow up tour of the North Crater.”

“Why me? That was Seph’s mission. He knows more about what’s going on up there than I do.”

“He’ll be with you. They need a fresh set of eyes,” Genesis explained with a sigh. “I volunteered myself, but you know Lazard can be. He won’t allow me to accompany Sephiroth.”

Because of their relationship, but that went unsaid. It had happened in the past—SOLDIERs who prioritized a loved one over their other comrades. To prevent those types of issues, they weren’t sent on missions together unless it was absolutely necessary.

No doubt that meant he and Cloud would be separated as well now that they were basically official. Maybe that was all the more reason to procrastinate defining things. Missions would definitely be more fun together, that was for sure. Memories of Costa Del Sol flooded his mind, a pang of sadness hitting him as he realized they wouldn’t be able to do anything like that on the job again once they put a title to their relationship. In the mean time, the missions would keep coming, and it wasn't like he could act surprised even when it sucked.

They were SOLDIERs. The world wouldn't stop just because he and Cloud were trying to take some time to figure things out between them.

“How long?”

“You should receive the orders tomorrow. I expect you’ll be gone as long as it takes to find some answers. It may be days, it may be months—it all depends.”

“Don’t we already know what happened? It was the materia hunters—they were after Alexander.”

“There’s more to it than that, I’m afraid. You’ll get the full briefing tomorrow.”

“Why do you already know? It wasn’t your mission.”

“Because I’m SOLDIER’s foremost expert on materia, at least for now,” Genesis reminded him, and for once, he didn’t look so pleased with himself to say it. “I’ve been studying Alexander for months now, and it’s very clear. No one has successfully called forth Alexander in centuries.”

“Then what happened? The hunters caused some explosion to find the materia?” he wondered, raking a hand through his hair. It made little sense—he’d heard about just how big that crater was and assumed it was because someone had summoned Alexander. If that wasn’t the case, he didn’t know what to think. “What kinda explosion would cause that much destruction?”

“None. The crater was formed by Alexander himself.”

“But you just said—”

“A preventative measure, I assume. To stop himself from falling into unworthy hands.”

“That’s not even possible. Summons don’t cast without being summoned first.”

“It’s not as if summons are mindless minions to be used at their master’s discretion,” Genesis reminded him sharply. “You’ve seen firsthand what they’re capable of in the right hands. Why’s it so hard to believe one can’t act of its own accord under extreme circumstances?”

In Cloud’s hands, he thought, the words going unsaid. Most people would force the summon—they’d call it forth without giving the summon an option, and they’d get off one or two basic spells in exchange for their mana. Cloud was able to pull out a whole different side of the creatures he summoned, particularly with the few he seemed most attuned with. Maybe it wasn't so hard to believe Alexander might have a mind of its own.

“The real question is, what was Alexander protecting in the first place? Something is there, in that crater. Perhaps just an essence is left—that’s for you to discover.”

“Why me?” Zack asked again, thoroughly deflated. “Shouldn’t Cloud go?”

“I told you. They want a fresh set of eyes.”

“Is Seph bringing Alexander with us?”

“No. It’s been deemed too risky,” Genesis explained, rolling his eyes. “He’s not to leave the tower.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to figure out what Alexander wanted by summoning him though?”

“Yes. At the crater, preferably.”

“You’re sure he wasn’t summoned in the first place?”

“Positive. I’ve completed my research and the Turks have completed theirs. Our facts line up.”

“They should send  _you_ then.”

“Lazard has decided I’m not to be trusted on this one. He seems to believe I’d sneak Alexander along with me.”

Zack snorted. “He’s not wrong.”

“Yes, well,” Genesis muttered, hand in his pocket. There was no surprise on his face when a red orb was pulled out, though he  _was_ caught off guard when it was offered to him. “Take it.”

“Uh, Gen…I’m not exactly a summoner.”

“Give it to Sephiroth when the time is right.”

“Why don’t  _you_ give it to him?”

“I tried. It seems they’ve considered the fact I may give it to him already, so he's not authorized to bring any summons along," Genesis explained with a sigh, and it made sense. Any non-caster, like Lazard, wouldn't be able to tell the difference between Ifrit and Shiva. They'd have to bar Sephiroth from taking any just to ensure he wasn't taking Alexander and calling it Titan. "You're not under the same restrictions. It seems they understand at least one of you will need to bring the right materia for the mission to succeed. As Angeal's former student, they trust you won't deceive them."

“This is stupid. They oughta be sending you if they want fresh eyes—with Cloud and Alexander,” Zack huffed, surprised to find Genesis just nodding in agreement instead of feeding on his indignance. “You know something, don’t you? You know why they’re not.”

“It seems my mission has been going better than even I anticipated. Cloud has garnered too much attention, too quickly. They can’t risk his safety when he’s just become the new face of the company.”

“ _What?”_

“Did you know there was a time when Sephiroth was barred from missions?”

“That’s ridiculous. If anyone can look out for himself, it’s Seph.”

“That changes very little. It wasn’t until they realized Sephiroth wouldn’t allow himself to be controlled that they started sending him back into war zones. Apparently it’s better to pretend his actions were their idea than to allow him to do as he pleases.”

“So, what? Cloud’s gonna have to go rogue before they start giving him good missions again?”

“In a sense, yes. Right now he’s a recruiter’s dream—he never should have even been accepted into the program, and yet he now stands among the most recognizable Firsts in recent history. His accomplishments in Wutai were broadcast around the Planet. Even I hadn’t anticipated this level of attention.”

“Are there gonna be posters like with Seph?”

Genesis snorted. “The PR department already approached him.”

“Let me guess,” Zack said, shit eating grin on his face before he did his best Cloud impersonation, waving an unamused hand. “Not interested.”

“Close,” the redhead responded with a soft laugh. “He said something quite similar, and then proceeded to tell them he’d have Shiva freeze their cameras if they attempted to take his photograph while he wasn’t looking.”

“No way!” That was a bit extreme, even for someone being camera shy. Zack knew Cloud, and he knew there must be more to the story. “What else did they want?”

“A mascot to share the spotlight with him on all the posters.”

Zack’s expression quickly soured, knowing damn well what that meant. “Let me guess—a different summon for every region?”

“Precisely. Can you imagine being a child in Wutai and seeing a poster of Cloud with Leviathan by his side?”

He could, actually. He’d probably run off and sign up for SOLDIER before he was even old enough, like it was his duty. Thankfully Cloud knew better than to allow himself to be used like that. Being a SOLDIER wasn’t easy, and while it was great to think countless people were still willing to join despite that, none of them wanted that to be the result of some glamorized advertisement.

“I’m glad he’s putting his foot down and saying no.”

“Yes, well, that still won’t stop them from trying to shelter their new star.”

“So, is that why you’re bringing him to Fort Condor?” Zack wondered, finally pocketing the red orb he’d held in his grasp.

“This will be the first time you’ve been the one sent off since your little  _friendship_ changed. If they won’t allow him to go anywhere dangerous, then I intend to find another way to keep him busy. Mastering Phoenix will be a safe and productive use of his time.”

He eyed Genesis with a newfound appreciation, a smile spreading across his face. He had proven to be a good friend over the years, but when it came to Cloud, he always seemed to find new ways to surprise and impress Zack with his consideration. Never in a million years would he have expected Genesis to be such a good mentor, but there was no doubt about it—those two were a good match.

\-----

Cloud sagged into Zack’s arms, wishing he could muster up the same enthusiasm as Zack could. Sometimes it was just too hard to be an optimist about certain things, and this was definitely one of those times. Of all the things he expected Zack to want to talk about tonight, orders to the North Crater hadn’t even registered as a possibility.

Why Zack? Not that he didn’t deserve to go no such a big mission, but still. This mission had Genesis’ name written all over it.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Zack assured him, rubbing a soothing hand up and down his back. “It’s not like I can’t look after myself, plus I’ll have Seph there. We’ll kick some ass and be home before you know it.”

“I know. I’m not worried about  _that.”_ He knew more than anyone that Zack could take care of himself, and no one needed to be told that Sephiroth was the ideal partner to assure any mission’s success. “It just sucks. I’ve barely been home a few weeks, and we just started…you know.”

“Dating?”

“Yeah.” His heart twisted as he realized how stupid it sounded, but he couldn’t help pouting. Thankfully Zack didn’t call him out on it, instead holding him just a little tighter. “You think I should let Gen drag me off? I was gonna tell him not now, but…”

“Why not? You’re gonna go after Phoenix eventually, right?”

“I guess.”

“May as well do it while I’m gone then. Then we can meet back here and tell each other all about it.”

“Did he really give you Alexander?”

Zack nodded solemnly, slipping a hand into his pocket and pulling out the red orb. The question didn’t even escape Cloud’s lips—the orb was placed into his hand without another word, that same blinding light coursing through him just like the day he’d discovered the orb with Sephiroth.

“Shit,” he muttered, letting out a shaky breath as their eyes met. “You don’t feel that?”

“Nah. It’s a whole lotta nothing when I touch it.”

“I wonder what Sephiroth feels when he touches it. He didn’t say anything when I gave it to him.”

“I can ask him while we’re there. Gen said he felt some kinda surge, but nothing crazy when he touches it.”

“It’s blinding,” Cloud explained, still seeing white every time his eyes fluttered closed. “Like a pure white light.”

“Not that surprising. Do you know the legends?”

“Not really.”

“Gen was telling me about it, from his research. I guess it’s ancient—a weapon that was forged with the soul of a man. Its purpose was to protect some village that used to be up north. Something happened though, and he got taken from the town right when they needed protection most. They say he takes on the form of one of the castles in that town now—passing divine judgment onto anyone who’d misuse his powers.”

Cloud frowned, the words almost painful as he held onto the summon. It was like it resonated with the orb itself, seeping into him by default. So it was true, then. Or at least close enough to strike a nerve.

He made a silent vow never to misuse this summon or any other, too aware that many of them had similarly tragic tales. Even Shiva had a heartbreaking past, and not one she shared lightly. It was only through their bond that he’d started to pick up on the details, flashes of images painted like portraits in his mind every time he blinked. It wasn’t something he took lightly.

In a way, it made sense. Summons were manifestations of mako, mingled with the souls of old—at least, that was the textbook definition that Genesis had hammered into his brain over and over again. Only a soul still tied to the Planet would stick around though, otherwise the number of summons on Gaia would be infinite.

“I wonder how big he is,” Cloud muttered, too aware of Zack’s growing frown. “Don’t worry, I won’t try calling him in the tower.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m thinkin’ he’s literally the size of a castle.”

“The crater  _was_ pretty huge. He’d have to be massive to cause that kind of damage.”

“Guess you’ll find out some day if you really wanna master them all.”

They’d have to find a safe place for him to practice, eventually. There was no point in chasing all the summons around Gaia if he wouldn’t be mastering Alexander as well at some point. For now though, there were more pressing issues on his mind. He placed the orb back into Zack’s hand, staring up at him as he pocketed it once more.

It was almost unfair how good Zack looked—effortlessly, too. Even when his brows were furrowed in concentration and he was putting all his effort into acting as carefree as he could under the circumstances, he just looked too handsome for his own good.

“I’d rather focus on you right now,” Cloud decided. “When do you leave?”

“Tuesday,” Zack replied, sounding as bummed out as Cloud felt. “I know it sucks and we just started this, but we’ll be fine, Spike.”

They would be, he was sure. If they couldn't handle one mission at the start of their almost-relationship, then they were doomed anyway. And on the plus side, Genesis had given them more warning than when Cloud had been sent up north. That gave them a few short days to spend together, and he intended to make the most of that time.

It just didn’t seem fair that they’d made so much progress together, only to be torn apart so soon.

“Date night?” Cloud suggested, already racking his brain for some kind of plan.

“Heck yeah. What do you have in mind?”

“Wanna hit the VR for a bit? Then maybe eat something?”

“What do you wanna do the in the VR?”

“Train.”

Zack quirked a brow, though he clearly wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea. “That’s your idea of date night?”

“It’s been a while since we sparred. I still haven’t beaten you.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you hesitate every time you’re about to get the upper hand.”

“No holding back then. Either of us.” His eyes were dancing as Zack met his gaze. “Please?”

“Loser buys dinner?”

“Deal,” he agreed easily.

“I’ll go grab my sword and meet you there,” Zack told him. “Which summon are you gonna bring?”

Cloud narrowed his eyes competitively, not willing to say just yet. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Shiva, for sure. She had a bone to pick with Zack after the last time when they’d frozen his sword to their own detriment. That would be the obvious pick though, and one Zack was clearly already expecting.

He was grinning as he watched Zack leave, already headed to collect his own swords. There was probably only one summon Zack wouldn’t be expecting him to use, and so that was the one he would go check out before headed to the VR. It would either be the stupidest plan ever, or the best—he’d find out soon enough.

By the time he got there, Zack was already waiting in the VR, twirling his massive sword in his hands like it was a stick. “What kinda setting do you wanna use?”

“You’re about to go somewhere really cold,” Cloud said thoughtfully. “How about we do the opposite?”

“Like, Costa Del Sol?”

“Sure. It’s been a while since we hit the beach together.”

And the sand would only help his plan. It was hard to get good footing in the sand, after all. He tried not to grin as Zack programmed the VR, sending them both into an all familiar terrain before they raised their weapons.

“You sure you wanna do this?” Zack asked, standing at the ready.

“What, are you afraid you’re gonna get stuck buying dinner?”

He couldn’t stop smiling as Zack lunged forward, far too easily goaded into jumping headfirst into battle. It only took one of his swords to catch the blow, his second coming down on Zack from the side. Zack was too good to be caught off guard by such a simple move, forcing his sword down on Cloud’s with just enough force to send him back a few steps before his second sword could get close enough.

“That all you got, Spike?”

“You wish,” he countered, lunging forward with both swords. It was Zack’s turn to catch his blow, the motion effortless even as Cloud pulled one sword back at a time and began a flurry of strikes.

Zack caught every single one, of course, looking far too amused even as his feet began sliding back in the sand while Cloud's assault continued, nonstop. “That’s not gonna get you anywhere.”

“Maybe you should think about striking back instead of writing me off,” Cloud warned, unrelenting.

Zack just snorted, not heeding a single word as he bided his time and started planning his next move. Cloud could see it already—he was being humored, for now, and when Zack decided the time was right, he’d begin his own assault. There wouldn’t be time to do much when that happened, which meant he had to act now.

The familiar pull of mana tickled his skin as he began his cast, Zack either unaware or uncaring of whatever was to come. Cloud used the force of his own blow to propel himself into the air at the right moment, sending himself back a safe distance as he watched a familiar moogle-mounted chocobo charge forward at an incredibly speed.

“Seriously?” Zack complained, landing on his ass with his sword a solid arm’s length out of reach as the chocobo very nearly trampled him. The distance had been too close for even a SOLDIER to fully dodge in time. “ChocoMog?”

Cloud couldn’t stop laughing at the defeated look on his face, far too amused for his own good. ChocoMog was the most basic summon of them all, more agreeable than most of the others. It was the easiest to cast for that exact reason, often being utilized by beginners still learning to cast. It was also one Cloud hadn't bothered casting once since he first mastered it.

He tossed his own swords aside, hovering over Zack triumphantly. “I’m pretty sure that was some kinda record for the fastest defeat in SOLDIER history.”

“I was expecting something a little more advanced from you,” Zack shot back, shaking his head in ‘disappointment’.

“Sometimes the element of surprise is the difference between victory and defeat.”

“Yeah? Did Gen teach you that?”

“After he threw a blizzard at me.”

Zack’s eyes went wide. “Blizzard?”

“I know, right? I was ready for Firaga, and the next thing I know, I’m on my ass just like you from an attack I should’ve had no issue taking.”

“Yeah, well,” Zack muttered, hooking his foot around Cloud’s shin before the blond could realize what was happening. A second later he was toppling forward, falling right into Zack’s arms. “Guess I owe you dinner.”

“Mm, guess so,” Cloud agreed, grazing his lips. It took all his willpower not to deepen the kiss on the spot, their conversation not quite over. “Wanna stay here a while longer?”

“No more chocobos?”

Cloud laughed but found himself nodding. “No more chocobos.”

It was Zack’s turn to graze his lips, just barely. “Losing’s not as bad as I thought it’d be.”

Cloud pressed their lips more firmly together in lieu of an agreement, deciding that actions always spoke louder than words. When Zack’s hands tightened on his hips as their kiss deepened, he knew he’d gotten the message across.

\-----

Zack kept pace with Sephiroth, trying not to be too bored so soon into their mission. It was so uneventful though, pacing around a glacier and looking for who knew what—something not even Sephiroth could articulate.

“I will know it when I see it,” he’d said, vague and pretty much confirming that no one had any idea what the hells was going on up here.

The mystery of it all probably should’ve made the trip more interesting, but his mind was too far gone this time. Fighting was probably the only thing that could bring him back to the moment, but even that wasn’t happening.

There were no materia hunters this time around. No creatures and no threats. It was just him and Sephiroth, the cold forcing them to walk closer together than either would normally prefer. They didn’t even get a team this time—just two Firsts to look after each other, their mission classified.

“So,” Zack tried, wondering if Sephiroth were just as bored. “Cloud’s a good cuddler, huh?”

Sephiroth glanced over at him, unamused. “I would not know.”

“Not according to him. Don’t worry, he swore me to secrecy. He said you were a lot warmer than you looked.”

“We were encapsulated in a prison of ice. Survival tactics—”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. But he is, huh? Good at cuddling?”

“Is this your way of passing time? Attempting to provoke me?”

“No, I’m just fuckin’ cold and I’m having a hard time remembering how it felt—having him in my arms.”

Sephiroth paused at that, the look of pity flashing on his face gone before Zack could blink. “He put his whole body into it. Not even Genesis has clung to me quite so desperately.”

Zack’s heart sank at the thought, not realizing it’d been quite so dire. Cloud always joked it off—cuddling with Sephiroth. He’d gone so far as to say he could cross it off his bucket list, like it was all just a bizarre, happy accident that took place on their mission together.

But it wasn’t. The truth of it was written all over Sephiroth’s face.

Cloud had stood where he was right now, and he’d been even colder than Zack felt right now. Even with his love of the snow and familiarity with the cold, it had been too much to handle alone.

“I didn’t realize it’d been so serious.”

“I would not allow any harm to come to him.”

“I know,” Zack muttered, hand on the back of his neck. It was uncomfortable, thinking that anything might have gone awry back then. He much preferred thinking of Cloud as some kind of SOLDIER prodigy—impressive and untouchable. “Thanks, Seph. For keeping him safe.”

“It was a simple matter. My enhancements are more potent than his.”

“You can just say ‘you’re welcome’, you know.”

“You’re welcome.”

“So, still no sign of whatever it was Alexander was protecting?”

Sephiroth shook his head as they continued their way down—into the crater this time, treading the steep path to its base. It was miles and miles long, which meant they had a lot more searching to do once they got there.

“Do you think the town was here?” Zack guessed. “Maybe the materia hunters crossed the boundary and so he blew it all up.”

“That seems unlikely. It was his duty to protect the village.”

“Yeah, but he failed, right? So there wasn’t anything left. Then someone steps on what he considers holy ground, and boom!”

“The explosion occurred before the materia hunters were in harms way. They succeeded in obtaining the materia.”

And then Sephiroth and Cloud had liberated it, Zack recalled. “If it wasn’t his town, then what was it he needed to protect?”

“I can only hypothesize. There may be something far more dangerous than Alexander waiting at the bottom of this crater.”

“Another summon?”

“Perhaps.”

Zack hummed thoughtfully, pulling a familiar materia from his pocket as they continued downward. It was a red orb, and it caught Sephiroth’s eye immediately.

“That is not Alexander.”

“Nope,” Zack confirmed, grinning as he remembered the day the orb had been placed into his hands—the insistent look in Cloud’s eyes telling him it wasn’t optional. “Cloud insisted I bring her.”

“Shiva?”

“Yep. I’m not exactly the best summoner, but he said he told her to protect us. I think she’ll come in handy if we need some kinda ice prison.”

The orb felt warm in his palm, which was almost ironic under the circumstances. Normally he wasn’t particularly in tune with Shiva, but it seemed like she was just as determined to help Cloud as he would’ve been. Holding the materia was almost as exhilarating as holding his old good luck charm, a much needed reminder of all the brightness in his life.

Gaia, when did his entire world start revolving around Cloud?

“Hey Seph?” His friend just looked at him, silently prompting him to continue. “Do you have any summons like Cloud? Ones you’re closer with than others?”

“Not to the same degree.”

“But you were able to call Odin. No one else could do that aside from him.”

Sephiroth seemed to consider it, but ultimately shook his head. “Odin prefers Cloud as a master.”

“Yeah, but they can’t  _all_ prefer him,” Zack insisted, ignoring the way Shiva seemed to be warming up in his hand in protest. Seriously, Zack loved Cloud more than anyone so there was no need for her to get defensive—he was just curious. “I know Gen and Bahamut have a thing.”

“A pact,” Sephiroth corrected with a nod.

“What’s that even mean?”

“Bahamut will come when called by another if a sufficient amount of mana is offered, but he will not allow himself to be used against Genesis.”

“I dunno, I could never summon him when Ang was training me. He brought in a buncha summons over the years—I could only get the basics.”

“You do not have the same mana pool as Cloud,” Sephiroth explained simply. “His level is only exceeded by my own.”

Zack’s brows shot up. “What about Gen?”

“Genesis has accepted that Cloud will eventually surpass him in that area.”

He shook his head, barely able to believe Genesis had conceded something like that—even if it was in private with Sephiroth. Then again, he saw the way the redhead looked at Cloud sometimes. There was pride there, even if he sometimes had bizarre ways of showing it.

“So, if I had more mana, I’d be able to call all sorts of summons?”

“Theoretically, yes.”

And instead, he had just enough to force a few out when he needed them, but no more. Ifrit, Titan, Shiva, Ramuh—the basic elemental summons. Titan was the only one he seemed to click with in the sense that Cloud sometimes described, though not nearly to the degree that Cloud experienced with Shiva. They definitely weren’t buddies, even if there was a familiarity in his magic. It almost reminded him of home, in a way.

“Did Gen know?” Zack wondered, fingers curling tightly around Shiva. “When he recruited Cloud, did he know about his mana?”

“If you asked him today, I believe he would say he sensed it,” Sephiroth responded dryly, “however, it seems unlikely. Something drew his attention to Cloud, but it was not his mana.”

“What was it then?”

“You know better than anyone the answer to that question.”

Zack hummed in agreement. There was just something about Cloud, plain and simple. It wasn’t tangible or so easily defined. Even when he was stumbling around with a weapon he didn’t know how to wield, he was captivating. His heart ached at the thought—how had Genesis seen it right away and he hadn’t?

“C’mon,” Zack decided, gesturing for Sephiroth to pick up the speed with him. “Let’s get to the bottom of this so we can get outta here. I’m ready to go home.”

Judging by the look on Sephiroth’s face, it wouldn’t be quite so simple to speed this mission up. He didn’t protest though, his pace matching Zack’s in an instant as they finally reached the bottom of the crater.

“I think there’s some kinda cave over there,” Zack guessed, eyes squinting as he tried to discern what he was seeing.

It was a ways off still, but with his enhancements, he was fairly sure there was some kind of opening across the way. Why would there be a cave at the bottom of a newly formed crater?

\-----

After a week of failed summoning attempts, Cloud was pretty sure he just needed to clear his head. There was too much pressure—too many assumptions that he’d just grab the summon and get it right away. He’d had to allow Genesis to run off the curious SOLDIERs and troopers stationed at Fort Condor, eager to see him in action with the summon who was essentially their local mascot.

Even then, he couldn’t get it. At least not at first. Another couple weeks passed before he knew it, and he felt like a beginner all over again. He hadn’t failed  _this_ badly since his first few weeks in the program.

“There’s something stopping me,” Cloud tried to explain, looking at the materia in his bracer with a frown. “I can feel it burning up, but I just can’t grab onto it.”

“We went through this with Ifrit,” Genesis recalled, a thoughtful hand on his chin.

“I was only able to do Ifrit because I did all the others first.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he’s on the same level as Ramuh or Titan. It wasn’t as intimidating after that.”

“So you were able to understand his power before you ever called him,” Genesis concluded, and it sounded reasonable. Cloud nodded, not sure what else to add. “Do you have a history with fire, dearest?”

He shrugged. “Not really.”

“That’s not exactly a ‘no’.”

“Well, there was this dream I used to have,” he confessed, shuddering at the very memory. His gaze dropped, not wanting to deal with whatever look was on his mentor’s face. No doubt it would sound like a silly excuse to Genesis. “It was more like a nightmare, when I was little. My whole village would be burning down. I was useless. I couldn’t save anyone.”

“Was it real?”

“Well, no, but—”

“But nothing,” Genesis interjected sharply. He put a hand on Cloud’s chin, forcing his attention back up. “You, my dear, are far from helpless. You’ve nothing to fear—not from fire, or anything else.”

“But I don’t know what Phoenix is capable of. What if I call her and she lights up the whole room by mistake?”

“I’m right here by your side. I wouldn’t allow that to happen.”

“You won’t be there with me every time I pull off a fire spell or summon though.”

“Have you ever lost control with Ifrit?”

“Well, no, but we’re good now. I mastered him.”

“So there’s a level of trust between you,” Genesis concluded, Cloud giving a quick nod. “You can have that same understanding with Phoenix. You just need to try.”

Easier said than done. A few more pulls on his mana, and nothing seemed to change, leading him to let out a long, frustrated sigh. Maybe Genesis was wrong—maybe he’d never be the master summoner that they’d read about in the texts. Maybe  _no one_ should be that person though. It was a lot of power for someone to possess, mastering all the summons on Gaia.

“Give me the materia,” Genesis said, extending an open palm to Cloud. He didn’t bother protesting, unequipping it from his bracer and handing it over. Genesis made quick work of it, putting it into his own bracer while holding Cloud’s gaze. Not three minutes later, their eyes were locked as Genesis called Phoenix forth without an ounce of difficulty. “Beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Have you summoned her before?” Cloud wondered, awed by the creature before him.

Phoenix was awesome, in the literal sense of the word. She was a bird, of course, massive in size. Her wings were like dancing flames, as powerful as they were vibrant. The heat emanating from her was potent even from a safe distance, yet somehow it didn’t feel quite so destructive as he’d imagined.

“Never,” Genesis revealed, appraising the creature himself. “Do you know the story of the Phoenix?”

“I read about it,” Cloud said, racking his brain. Something about rebirth—about the flame eventually encompassing too much of the bird, leaving nothing but ashes in its wake. Those ashes would give birth to a new bird though, who would take on the mantle of Phoenix. “It’s true, then?”

“Of course. The Phoenix is a selfless creature. She rises to protect those who call—not to harm others. I suspect her true purpose isn’t to cause damage at all, but rather to use her flames to re-ignite her summoner.”

“You can tell all that after just one summon?”

“More or less. I can feel the truth in it,” Genesis said with a shrug. “It matches the research I’ve done.”

A flame to reignite…It was strange to think of fire in that way, but something about it clicked as he eyed the summon. She was serene—not threatening. Protective. “I guess she can’t be any more dangerous than Odin,” Cloud conceded.

“Quite the opposite.”

“Maybe we can take a break and I can try again tomorrow?”

Genesis huffed, but quickly released Phoenix from his pull. He eyed Cloud expectantly. “What do you have in mind for this evening?”

“I was going to go to the mailroom,” he confessed, frowning at the look Genesis gave him. “What?”

“Part of the reason I brought you here was to get your mind off Zack. He’s gone, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner he’ll be back.”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“I’ve far more experience with these types of relationships than you,” Genesis reminded him, hands on his hips. “Just because I’m no longer your mentor doesn’t mean you shouldn’t defer to my judgment.”

Cloud sighed. “I just want to see if he had time to send me an update. It’s not like I can send him a letter or call him out there.”

“They’re delving further into the area than you did. It may not even be possible for the Turks to do any form of drop off or pick up this time around.”

“He probably wouldn’t be able to write about whatever they find anyway, right?”

“Precisely.”

“This sucks,” he complained, kicking at nothing and not giving a damn how petulant it was. They hadn’t even had the chance to really define themselves—to call it anything other than dating. It left his chest aching, missing his non-boyfriend more than he could say. “Aren’t you lonely, too?”

“I have you,” Genesis said with a small shrug, though something in his eyes told Cloud he understood more than he was letting on. Maybe they hadn’t come all this way just to keep  _Cloud_ distracted. Genesis slung and arm around the blond’s shoulders, guiding them out of the training room with renewed purpose. “Perhaps we should take a trip of our own, outside the Fort. The scenery is quite lovely out here.”

“Can we bring some food?”

“Are you proposing we have a picnic?”

Cloud rolled his eyes, knowing no matter how he answered, Genesis had already decided that was what they were doing. “Sure.”

A picnic. Something felt wrong about going on a picnic with his friend while Zack was halfway across the Planet, freezing in some crater, but what was he supposed to do? It wasn’t like Zack’s world had stopped while he was gone. In fact, Zack’s life had carried on in a whole unexpected direction while he was up north.

This was pretty mild in comparison.

“I’ll get the food if you wanna get some books,” Cloud suggested, knowing Genesis all too well.

No doubt their peaceful meal would be spent chatting about whatever theory Genesis read about most recently before the conversation ceased entirely. Genesis would end up reading until the sunset, and Cloud would get lost in his own head if he couldn’t find a book that would hold his attention.

Something told him he'd probably end up daydreaming about whatever Zack may be up to up north.

\-----

It wasn’t that he was mad. As a fellow SOLDIER, he understood there were going to be times when he and Cloud were both sent out on missions at the same time. That meant returning at different times, depending on the situation.

But still. It felt weird stepping off the transport and not seeing Cloud there for the first time. They _always_ waited for each other, and he couldn’t help thinking if he’d just found a way to send a message from up north, Cloud would’ve found a way to get back in time to see him.

It just wasn’t possible though. Not on this mission.

The questions began the moment his boots hit the ground, but luckily he wasn’t alone stepping off the transport. Sephiroth was by his side, his unimpressed stare warning most the curious onlookers away.

“We’ll proceed to the conference room for a debriefing,” Lazard said, an amicable smile on his face.

Sephiroth nodded in assent. “I will file the necessary reports. Zack, feel free to return to your quarters.”

“That’s hardly—” Lazard cut himself off, pushing his glasses up with two fingers as they seemed to dishevel under Sephiroth’s stare. “Very well. We’ll discuss your role in the mission at a later time.”

“Cool. See ya, Seph!” He gave them both a friendly wave before ducking into the elevator, only stopping to greet Angeal when he realized his mentor was waiting on his floor. “How’s it going?”

“I should be asking you that question. I heard it was a rough mission.”

Zack couldn’t help smiling at the concerned look on Angeal’s face, quick to reassure him, “I’m fine. Just wasn’t expecting a whirlwind in the middle of the cave, is all.”

“There was a cave in the crater?”

“Yeah. It looked like the blast uncovered it,” Zack explained, shrugging. He looked around the hall, not quite sure what else they should really be saying out here. “You wanna talk about it in my room?”

“No, you should rest. I’ll swing by later to check in on you. Can I get you anything?”

“Nah, I’m good. I mean, I won’t object if you wanna bring me dessert, but yeah. Not a single scratch on me,” he promised, his smile growing as best he could manage. Angeal didn’t look fully convinced, but it seemed to put him a bit more at ease. “I’m just tired.”

“Call me if you need anything. I’ll swing by later with something to eat.”

“Sure thing.”

Angeal patted his back, nodding his goodbye as Zack continued toward his room. He let out a long breath as the door shut behind him. Some things just couldn’t be unseen, and he wouldn’t forget them so easily.

Even in the haze of the whirlwind, he remembered a few things clearly. The red materia they’d picked up along their path threw the cave—the cave itself basically a maze. They’d reached the end somehow, only to find a strange crystal.

It had reflected Sephiroth so eerily that it looked like he had a clone frozen inside it. In the spot where his hand was reflected, there was a black materia embedded in the crystal.

He’d never heard of a materia like that.

By then he was on his toes, every instinct in his body telling him they were in danger. That was when Sephiroth finally requested Alexander, and wow. Zack had never seen anything like that summon before in his life.

They’d barely escaped the blast as the cave was destroyed, the black materia lost inside under the force of Alexander’s magic. All Sephiroth would say on the subject was that he’d read about a black materia somewhere, and that it wasn’t meant for human hands. Maybe Zack didn’t know much about it himself, but something in his gut told him that was an understatement.

Thankfully he was home now, far removed from that cave and that materia. He plopped down on his bed with a sigh, pulling out his PHS and hooking it up to charge. It had died early on in the mission, which was frustrating even though it wasn’t surprising. He waited impatiently for it to turn back on, relaxing as best he could where he lay. Eventually it was charged enough to make a call, and he didn’t think twice before dialing, his heart starting to race as it rang and rang.

Finally, there was an answer. “Zack?”

“Hey, Spike.”

“Are you on your way home?” Cloud assumed, the eagerness in his voice bringing a smile to his face.

“Close. I’m already here.”

_“What?_ Why didn’t you call me when you were on the transport?”

“My PHS died after the first few days. We just got in like ten minutes ago. How’s the Fort?”

“Fine. I’d rather talk about your trip. How’d it go?”

“Eh. I’ll tell you when I see you in person. Right now I just wanna hear your voice.”

“It’s not like I have anything interesting to say.”

“No? So you didn’t master yet another summon while I was gone?”

“I may have,” Cloud admitted, not sounding nearly as excited as he should’ve under the circumstances. “Where are you?”

“My room. Seph’s handling the debriefing with Lazard. Figure I’ll get called in for my version tomorrow.”

“You’re doing good?”

“Of course. There was one _minor_ incident, but nothin’ I couldn’t handle.”

The silence he got in response told him Cloud didn’t quite believe it was such a minor incident, but to his surprise, Cloud didn’t press the issue. Instead he said something entirely unexpected.

“Open your door.”

His heart jumped as there was a loud knock at his apartment door, eyes widening. “Are you serious?”

“Open your door and find out.”

Not needing to be told twice, he hopped to his feet and went to go answer his door. The phone fell from his hands as Cloud jumped into his arms, leaving him speechless for a solid minute as he wrapped his arms around the blond. Gaia, he needed this. It hadn’t even been that long of a mission, but it felt like an eternity.

“You should’ve found a way to let me know you were coming. I would’ve been there waiting for you.”

“I thought you were gone!”

“I got home last week,” Cloud revealed, nuzzling into his chest. “Been pulling out my hair with boredom. They won’t give me any missions.”

“Yeah, well, for once I’m glad to hear that,” Zack admitted, smirking as Cloud huffed. “Don’t act like you’re upset. You’re gonna have way more fun spending tonight with me.”

“Oh yeah? What do you have in mind?” he challenged, pulling back just enough to glance up.

“Honestly? I’m feeling like having a lazy night. Maybe we can stay in and hang out. I just wanna be with you—we can talk about the mission tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“And if you happen to wanna get laid, I’m on board with that.”

Cloud snorted, looking more amused than he tried to let on. “We’ll see. You didn’t even buy me flowers.”

“Yeah, sorry. Transport refused to stop on the way.”

“Eh, guess I forgive you. Just this once though.”

Zack didn’t even have time to grin before Cloud was tip toeing up, pressing their lips together. “I missed you.”

“I always miss you. Seph’s cool, but things just aren’t as fun when you’re not around.”

“I know what you mean. Gen’s great, but it’s not the same.”

“Let’s stop talkin’ about them then,” Zack suggested, nipping at his lower lip. “I just wanna focus on you and me. How are you?”

“Doing better by the second. You?”

Zack hummed thoughtfully, trailing his hands down the blond’s side until they were on his hips, wasting no time before maneuvering to his ass. He hoisted Cloud up, kissing his neck as the blond’s legs were wrapped around his waist.

“Better by the second,” he murmured in agreement.


End file.
